Uncomfortable about how she feeds her kids

[Chickeneggs]

Firstly, I know this is probably not a big deal as the children are fed, but I feel uncomfortable by the fact my friend buys herself good quality expensive food but gives her children basic brands.
for example she buys beige frozen food for them from Asda (yellow package) which is fine as I have bought some myself on occasion, then she will go to Waitrose or M&S to buy herself nice food.
The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.
They snack on biscuits and chocolate while she has fruit.
To me, I couldn’t eat something nice knowing my children are eating bland food with no nutrition. I’ve often skipped meals so my children can eat decent food, if they can’t have fruit or veg then I won’t eat at all to make sure I can buy it.
Is this something you’d raise with her to ask about it? Offer support whether financial or otherwise? Or do I just mind my business?

What is the compromise though? I don't want to eat waffles and plain pasta, my children don't want to eat salmon and asparagus.

This is weird. Even if they are fussy she could do a small side plate with a selection of veg for them to try. You would always offer it.

I think some people see feeding children as similar to feeding animals. They would think it slightly obscene to feed fillet steak to a cat, and feel the same way about their kids.

That's awful. I just can't imagine feeding my kids crap, whilst I ate well. In my house it's the opposite - I struggle with the cost of food and therefore had to economise where I can. When DD's with me I make an effort to cook healthy homecooked food, then when she stays with her dad I live on beans on toast and the like.

Writing your name on is crazy but my DDs don't like salmon, Stilton or prawns and are 18 and 14, but it wouldn't stop me buying and eating these things myself.

I think you might be being a bit of a snob about the yellow label stuff. Just because it's unbranded and cheaper doesn't necessarily mean it's lower quality than more expensive stuff. I do feed my kids some beige food during the week because they have autism and prefer bland food. However I always make sure there is veg on the plate and most nights I'll cook homemade meals they will eat, that is more nutritious. I think the main concern is the lack of fruit and veg. But honestly, you're not in her house for every single mealtime I assume so I think you're probably being a bit extreme.

DH would have eaten the salmon and Stilton very happily though, and she knew that, hence writing her name on it and telling her kids they weren't to touch her food!

That was to @Elastica23

My friend's daughter would only eat sausages or Weetabix for about three years. She is absolutely fine, a teenager now and very healthy. Should the parents also have to stick to this diet?

Well yes, and for that they should be very thankful!!

I totally agree that of course if they were showing real signs of neglect you wouldn’t sit back at watch…but in this case, what they are eating isn’t neglect, and if it’s true, i highly doubt the kids sit by and think ‘I wish my mum would share her M&S salmon en croute’!

No stay out if it. I agree it's appalling but you offering food in the hope she gives it to them? No. Fresh fruit and veg are not so expensive that it is unaffordable.

Maybe the kids have breakfast club and school dinners - and only really need an easy snack at teatime. Maybe that’s her only meal of the day.

Why did you ask us if you should turn a blind eye then?

OP Next time after you’ve had them over for tea why don’t you drop in some tinned or frozen veg and some bananas or apples. Say you noticed the kids LOVE these at your house and thought they might like to take some home? I guess you could see what she says/her reaction? I’m guessing the kids are super fussy at home and wouldn’t eat them.

I don't think I ate fresh fruit or veg until I was in my late teens or early 20s and regularly cooking for myself. Well, any veg was cooked to death, fruit was tinned or stewed.

Perhaps spend less time with her; then she won’t be able to bore you with the details of her superior diet and terrify you with tales of own brand Asda pizzas.

If you want a quick and easy way to ensure you see less of her, I’d recommend showing her this thread.

👏 👏 👏

I once saw a mum (I assume she was mum not a nanny) pushing a toddler in a buggy- mum was eating an apple, toddler a Mars Bar. I kid you not. I judged, a lot. (In my head).

OP this is a rubbish situation, but you can’t really get involved. It would be different if the kids were really fussy/restricted eaters but if you say they’re not, is IS shit she’s not giving them healthy fresh food if money isn’t an issue.

Some really odd responses on here. It IS selfish to eat healthy, nutritious food yourself if you are giving your child absolute crap. (Unless, as I’ve said, they have food issues and will only eat certain things).

Lucky kid. I could murder a Mars bar.

I think you are right that this isn't great parenting but theres only so much you can do. Some people think their kids won't like it so what's the point. You can occasionally point out studies showing the benefits of certain veg for kids. You can offer to cook for them. You can bring round fruit and veg and share it. You can tell of stories of people not fed veg as kids who get fat and eat junk. Make courgette banana bread. You can say how so and so made a wonderful veg casserole for the kids etc...

But ultimately she can parent how she likes and of you do too much of the above you risk sounding like a twat. So it depends on risk of losing the friend.

I'm with you on this.

This screams to me that the OP is a relation (e.g the woman's Mum or MIL) not a friend.

And that this perhaps happened once or twice - e.g the Mum got herself an M&S meal maybe for a Friday/Saturday thing after the kids had gone to bed.

I bet this woman had one microwave bag of asparagus or something and made a flippant remark about it being too nice for the kids.

Sorry I just don't buy the 'friend' story and this person deliberately buying herself M&S food every night and gives her kids Asda basic pizza and never gives them fruit or veg.

The whole wording depicts someone who enjoys needling with a holly than tho attitude.

Jesus some of you are batshit crazy 😂
the children are NOT neglected or abused so if you stop turning the original post around into something else then you would clearly understand my concern is that the children live on nuggets and pizza etc while my friend eats healthily. As I already said I have bought asda brand food many times. I’m not a snob and I don’t look down at people for what they eat. I’m picking at the fact her children do not have nutritious food while she does. If they all ate basic food or the children were fussy I’d understand, but she’s openly choosing to treat herself every day above her children’s health. If you think children shouldn’t have fruit or veg because 5 portions per person a day is too expensive then shame on you. I hope that makes it clearer for those who don’t understand why I’m uncomfortable about her children’s diet. Thanks for those who understand and see it from my point. As I already said I won’t get involved.they eat well at school, my house and other houses they visit, my friend just won’t feed them the same as she feeds herself.

Loads of people do this though - give their kids easy oven meals at 5pm then cook something a bit fancier for themselves and their partners later on. The only issue really is that the kids aren't getting enough veg - and even if that is the case, I still don't think it sounds anything like a Social Services issue.

So I would MMOB, personally.

I do find it odd as I always say the bulk of my food shop money goes on the kids. They love fruit so I spend a lot on fruit. I have definitely cut back on what I spend on myself and partner to ensure the kids have decent meals. I can understand not spending a lot if it's going to be wasted but if they would eat it then it's just mean not to in my opinion.