Uncomfortable about how she feeds her kids

[Chickeneggs]

Firstly, I know this is probably not a big deal as the children are fed, but I feel uncomfortable by the fact my friend buys herself good quality expensive food but gives her children basic brands.
for example she buys beige frozen food for them from Asda (yellow package) which is fine as I have bought some myself on occasion, then she will go to Waitrose or M&S to buy herself nice food.
The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.
They snack on biscuits and chocolate while she has fruit.
To me, I couldn’t eat something nice knowing my children are eating bland food with no nutrition. I’ve often skipped meals so my children can eat decent food, if they can’t have fruit or veg then I won’t eat at all to make sure I can buy it.
Is this something you’d raise with her to ask about it? Offer support whether financial or otherwise? Or do I just mind my business?

Ops @Chickeneggs friends children don't get opportunities to eat vegetables,

beige food is often poor in essential vitamins,

McDonald's and chicken nuggets and chips with this and that and waffles

I know some children can be difficult fussy to eat healthy but her friend needs to make more of an effort and give incentives to encourage them such as star chat ect,

Also what about smoothie and fruit drinks too,

As for her friend sitting in front of her with some or lots of good quality food and her children just eating low quality foods it's not even healthier eating on budget,

It's just junk food on budget with plenty of biscuits , sweets etc..

Sounds like a right cow. Who does that?! My dogs eat better than me!

Unless something else was going on social services wouldn't be interested in this.

They are dealing with cases of abuse and neglect ie kids not fed, clothed etc..

Whilst I agree its not good parenting...

If they had to tackle every unhealthy diet in the UK we'd need a lot more social workers.

Her friend with those children is giving out a strong message her dietary needs are of far more of value and importance than her offspring will ever be,

Nothing but the best for me ,

but you my children are on lower hierarchy than me,
cause i am your elder, and you therefore you should know your place in the pecking order of our household...

Hmm, if she is raising the subject of her dinner with you I would probably be blunt and say, "Actually Sharon, I don't know how you live with yourself eating all this posh food yourself and feeding your children only the cheapest of beige food. They'd probably get more nutrition if their parents were reliant on a food bank."

But they are fed. Again, social services wouldn't be interested.

If the food is there, how do we know they don't get opportunities to eat it?
How do we know that OP's friend isn't encouraging them to try it?

OP doesn't live with her ''friend'' and is taking one thing she said and making a whole lot of assumptions. Like other pp's have said, it simply could mean it's expensive and goes to waste if they are offered it at home which is why they aren't offered it.

This.

@Chickeneggs is she single, trying to get laid, hook a wealthy guy?

Yeah I mean this is surely entirely normal. We do this a lot through the week (and we all eat together at the weekends). I mean I’d make my kids fajitas, steak, fish etc if they’d eat it but they’d just turn their noses up at it. Food is too expensive for that just now.

I get it OP, it would be like if no one could get an NHS dentist so a parent booked themselves for private check ups but not the kids because it was too expensive with no other additional needs or extenuating circumstances.

I would question my friendship with her tbh, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like this. Is she this selfish in other areas of her family life?

I'd have thought the same as you and then I had kids and was bloody grateful they'd eat anything I put in front of them.

Maybe she's just given up having what she's taken ages to prepare refused point blank because it had a tiny piece of green in it without it even being tried or the expensive sausages not full of crap being rejected in favour of plain pasta - you don't know so don't judge.
And no, no amount of smuggling whizzed up vegetables 'sneaked' into sauces or hidden in mash works before anyone offers up those little gems.

To be fair, we're having Tesco finest burgers in fancy brioche buns tonight. DS 10 is having Asda chicken nuggets and beans 🙈

He doesn't like burgers and loves nuggets and beans. He had a school dinner today at lunchtime so I'm not overly bothered.

I’d be very judgemental about that. It’s child neglect and I’d definitely say something. A bag of carrots and apples costs less or the same as biscuits or chocolate.

OP hasn't said anything about a father. Surely if what OP is saying is accurate, he's just as much to blame too.

So she is either single or just blaming the mother.

Usually threads about feeding children make me feel very inadequate and bad about myself but this one is very reassuring!

It’s v odd behaviour from her but nothing you can do except tell her how appalled you are, if you don’t mind losing the friendship.

A lot of people do this on a smaller scale- cod fillet for mum and dad, fishfingers for the kids. I think people sometimes just have a mental category of kids food. I grew up eating cheapo pizza and chips at 6 while my parents had a proper meal at 8. It was only at the weekend we all ate the same.

@Chickeneggs I get you. Me and my brothers were brought up on tinned junk and I used to crave real food, which we only got at weekends. I remember one evening we were served the usual spaghetti on toast and then later on watching my dad eat steak. It's horrible to think back on.

The result is that now all three of us are keen cooks and eat very well. I cook everything from scratch, apart from a tin of tomatoes or beans here and there.

Our relative goes this. Gives kids cheap beige food at a separate mealtime . Kids watch the preparations of the adults meal with veg and ask if they can eat it, nope eat your pasta and tuna. They think it’s amazing when they come and stay here to eat veg and at the same time as us

Yeah unbelievably. My thoughts exactly…..

We do it the opposite way around.

I feed the kids who eat lots of healthy food like veg soup, tomato pasta and sunday dinner etc... and stuff during the day but then a couple of times a week I have greasy chips from the chip shop next door when they are in bed because its late and I'm tired and don't want too cook.

I think its entirely normal for parents to run around feeding and sorting the kids and then to eat ourselves after they are in bed... what we eat doesn't really matter.

Same way its not 'child abuse' if DH cracks a beer after the kids are in bed or I drink a Tango while our kids only had water. Adults are allowed (and want) different things.

You are both at the extreme opposite ends of the scale and both unreasonable.

She doesn’t feed her children fruit and veg as it’s too expensive
You go without food rather than feed your children a beige meal every now and then.

Both ridiculous.

Maybe her children are like mine and will only eat a limited diet of safe foods. One of mine won't even eat decent brands of chicken nuggets/goujons because they look like actual chicken.
And despite a fridge full of fresh fruit and veg, neither child touches any of it.

Yeah tbh I’d be a bit judgy if someone said to me it was too expensive to give their kids nice food but not themselves. Be different if she said they refuse to eat it. Children are still growing they need the best nutrition you can stuff into them (which granted isn’t always easy).

that is awful and absolute bad momming, i have 3 kids and i go without if i have to however vegetables are the cheapest option to feed the kids? i mean i have a 5 year old middle child who will eat bland meals and no veggies but i do try to encourage him to eat fruit etc i could not see my kids go without a decent meal.