Uncomfortable about how she feeds her kids

[Chickeneggs]

Firstly, I know this is probably not a big deal as the children are fed, but I feel uncomfortable by the fact my friend buys herself good quality expensive food but gives her children basic brands.
for example she buys beige frozen food for them from Asda (yellow package) which is fine as I have bought some myself on occasion, then she will go to Waitrose or M&S to buy herself nice food.
The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.
They snack on biscuits and chocolate while she has fruit.
To me, I couldn’t eat something nice knowing my children are eating bland food with no nutrition. I’ve often skipped meals so my children can eat decent food, if they can’t have fruit or veg then I won’t eat at all to make sure I can buy it.
Is this something you’d raise with her to ask about it? Offer support whether financial or otherwise? Or do I just mind my business?

Well.....yes - what's the problem??

You're comfortable gifting complete tat??

Most veg is not particularly expensive. Many children do not like a lot of vegetables when small.

Asda do some really nice and good quality stuff, comparable to more expensive supermarkets.
This won't last, when they are old enough to be sitting at the table to eat with parents they will be eating the same as their parents. Mine always did sit with us to eat in the evening, even in high chair, but I know not all parents do that.
However, do your friend's children appear to be unhealthy? Not all the 'beige' stuff, as you call it, is complete rubbish. They probably eat eggs, porridge, soup and fruit of their choice sometimes.This won't last, when they are old enough to be sitting at the table to eat with parents they will be eating the same as their parents. Mine always did sit with us to eat in the evening, even in high chair, but I know not all parents do that.

I’ve explained it twice. If you don’t get it after that, the third time isn’t going to make it suddenly click.

That response was to another poster.

But that’s just the point - I wouldn’t have got that as a gift (although I find the “cheap tat” comment rather OTT). I would have bought that if we were just talking “Stick it on the table, everyone dig in” - precisely as YOU suggested it should have been.

You're comfortable gifting complete tat??

The only right answer to this question is:
Well... yes - what's the problem??

😂😂

If I knows someone was going to disregard my expensive crocs by giving it to their child, I'd also gift them tat or not bother

If things really are exactly as you say and not more of a 'the kids refuse to eat veg anyway' situation in which she's maintaining her own nutrition while her kids reject all but chicken nuggets then yes, of course she's being selfish.

I'm sure the vast majority of us would eat shite if it meant our kids got to eat the only nutritious food in the house.

It does if they won’t eat it at home so it just goes to waste.

Its literally none of your business. You kind of need to back off and keep out of it.

It's highly likely she will see you're 'helpfulness' as being a busy body and be deeply insulted.

Knew somebody like this. Kids were fed absolute rubbish while Mam and Dad sat down to a lovely meal each night, steak, salmon etc. Kids basically survived on toast and cereal. She was the same when it came to clothing them. She was always immaculate in new clothes, hair and make up done. Kids were dressed in shabby, hand me downs that were too small. She was just a selfish person.

I'd be tempted to contact the NSPCC or even social services about this. Surely that's just pure neglect?

I'm sure this was a more general issue, but if I offered my 6yo a choice of toast, steak or salmon, they would without a doubt go for the toast!

Most of the no frills stuff has less taste so less e numbers etc.

How is one of the most popular christmas chocolates 'tat'?

Mumsnet snobs really love that word.

The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.

This was your chance to say it. Did you just sit and nod instead of asking the bleeding obvious?

I said it because by this point I was aware her kids weren’t being fed properly and I wanted to raise the subject without being obvious.

You must spend a lot of time with this family, and you have some serious concerns i.e. the kids are being malnourished. So why can't you act?

Do you have any safeguarding concerns about these children? That does seem a very odd way to be, and raises a red flag with me...

Social services aren't going to be interested in children who are being fed.

Maybe not but I'd want to report it in case they are interested. You don't know, the school might have also raised concerns. No vegetables or fruit at all isn't exactly meeting the kids' needs.

Processed ones that are probably not much healthier than the 'cheap Asda stuff', just more expensive. Good nutrition isn't just about paying more

If they eat vegetables at OP's house, they probably also eat vegetables at school.

The threshold for social services involvement is incredibly high, they are far too busy focusing on children who don't get fed at all.

My ex MIL used to do this!

I did hear of SS removing a child from a very loving, comfortable middle class home because they were overweight and the parents made no effort to help them lose weight... so it depends

Heard from where?

If it is true, I'd imagine that either the child wasn't just overweight but morbidly obese to the point of having severe health issues related to it and/or there were other factors.

Even then, it is completely different to children not eating vegetables at home with no health issues (since I assume OP would've said) and eat vegetables at OP's house and possibly school.

I think try and take what she's eating out of the equation, because that's up to her. Are her kids ok and fed? Are they neglected?

You'd be surprised how weird a lot of people are behind closed doors. I think what you've described is a bit mean, but not abusive