Uncomfortable about how she feeds her kids

[Chickeneggs]

Firstly, I know this is probably not a big deal as the children are fed, but I feel uncomfortable by the fact my friend buys herself good quality expensive food but gives her children basic brands.
for example she buys beige frozen food for them from Asda (yellow package) which is fine as I have bought some myself on occasion, then she will go to Waitrose or M&S to buy herself nice food.
The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.
They snack on biscuits and chocolate while she has fruit.
To me, I couldn’t eat something nice knowing my children are eating bland food with no nutrition. I’ve often skipped meals so my children can eat decent food, if they can’t have fruit or veg then I won’t eat at all to make sure I can buy it.
Is this something you’d raise with her to ask about it? Offer support whether financial or otherwise? Or do I just mind my business?

I'm autistic and dislike lots of foods, but if I'd been given them to eat during a visit I would have forced myself to, even if they made me want to vomit, simply because it was "good manners". I have vivid memories of wanting to throw up as I forced myself to eat cheesy mash at a time when I couldn't even deal with the smell of cheese

my eldest eats steak my youngest lives off bloody milk at the moment any advice on getting her to eat would be great i couldnt see my kids go without i get all kids are different. maybe if she bothers you that much maybe you shouldnt be her friend or maybe you should speak to her about it. if the kids look abused and neglected then you have a right to be concerned however if there happy with shicken nuggets and developing arent i danger then it isnt any of your concern in the nicest way possible.

I'd imagine this is the most likely tbh. Do you know if shes tried much to get the kids to eat better quality? It's a little hard to judge since I'm unsure if this is just a last resort or if she hasn't even bothered to try giving them better.

Hard as it is step away

she is totally selfish putting herself above the kids. All you can do it invite them to yours as and when and feed them decently

I know it's already been said but honestly kids can be little feckers for eating food elsewhere but being fussy at home. My DSD is like this and it drives me and my partner mental as she changes what she will eat at home by the week but looks like an angel when we eat anywhere else who will eat anything. From the outside looking in we look like the lazy selfish parents but trust me it's not for lack of trying!

It seems to me that rather than buying mid price decent food for the whole family she is instead choosing to spend it on cheap crap for the kids so she can eat like a Queen and buy herself expensive luxury food. It may be image related - I usually see this with dads working on their gym bodies. Spending loads of cash on steak chicken and leafy greens for themselves while feeding their kids nuggets and beans. Either way they can’t claim not to know about nutrition or claim to be skint, they’re clearly just selfish and disinterested in their kids health and well-being.

assume they have meals at school?
sounds odd to me
but you dont know their whole diet

I had a relative who did this but it was her husband who had the best food. We were invited for Sunday lunch, smell of roast cooking in the oven, plenty of veg. Husband( who didn’t move off his arse) got the roast, all the kids got sausage and mash and I got a plate of veg as I’m veggie. He was a horrible, controlling man who used this to show his wife and kids he was “superior” and they were lower than him. This type of behaviour was repeated in different ways.
Im not saying your friend is controlling but it is very odd for a mother to put herself before her children, especially when it comes to food.

A lot of people do this on a smaller scale- cod fillet for mum and dad, fishfingers for the kids. I think people sometimes just have a mental category of kids food. I grew up eating cheapo pizza and chips at 6 while my parents had a proper meal at 8. It was only at the weekend we all ate the same.

I don’t really see the problem with this. Most kids won’t appreciate the difference, so why waste the money? I loved boil in the bag cod in sauce as a child - I thought that was proper grown-up food. Fillets from the fishmonger would have probably cost three times as much and I’d have enjoyed them less.

I bought my parents some very expensive chocolates as part of their Christmas present last year, and the first thing my dad said was “Ooh, wait until Lucy [my eight year-old niece] sees these!” Obviously they can decide what to do with their own Christmas present, but I did feel more than a bit irked that they were planning to let a child loose on a £40 box of chocolates when I know for a fact she’d be just as happy with a tin of Celebrations for a tenth of the price.

OP this is just one of those things. You won't achieve anything by saying anything to her. She won't change her habits because of any comment you make. It is a shame, but you can't do anything about this - it's her choice how she feeds her children.

I don't understand the "expense" factor. Where I live, fresh vegetables are amongst the cheapest food you can buy, for the amount of eating (and nutrition) you get out of them. It might be that she just couldn't be bothered cooking decent meals for the kids.

My mother used to do exactly this. I didn’t realise how messed up it was until I had my own children and reflected on my upbringing.

My mother used to do exactly this. I didn’t realise how messed up it was until I had my own children and reflected on my upbringing.

Alright, fish fingers and waffles are a bit beige but what's wrong with that? Messed up?😂

Kids are blooming thrilled to have nuggets, don't need to shed a tear for them.

If OP’s “friend” is buying all the best food from M&S and Waitrose, the fresh vegetables OP saw at the house was probably organic, finest range etc. If her kids prefer pizza and chips, of course it’s going to be expensive to try to get them to enjoy purple sprouting broccoli and cavelo nero. That doesn’t mean she’s never splashed out on a 75p bag of frozen sweetcorn.

exactly, she may well give them peas and sweetcorn, carrots and brocolli and keeps the cava nero and asparagus for herself,
who could blame her

Concerns in what way?

They are being fed. You say they aren't abused.

So whats the issue here? The fact you don't like the food they are fed?

Sorry struggling on this one.

Maybe she read the fat shaming, vanity sizing threads on here and it affected her................. On MN keeping your weight down is always seen as the most important thing.

Wow - that's a leap 🦘!

Yes she has:

"Their dad isn’t in the picture, perhaps ask before assuming."

Thanks. I missed that.

I did feel more than a bit irked that they were planning to let a child loose on a £40 box of chocolates when I know for a fact she’d be just as happy with a tin of Celebrations for a tenth of the price.

This is such an odd attitude - they're just a box of chocolates to be enjoyed by anyone.

Neither of my children eat fruit an vegetables willingly, without me having to go on at them so if I saw my friends children loved them - or so I thought like OP I would defenatly say it's so good your children eat vegetables mine are a nightmare with them, so I don't think it's strange she made that comment at all not one bit but as for OPs question on whether to suggest or mind your own business I'd probably just mind my own business an concentrate on my own kids, only because she could take offence

The 'price of vegetables' argument doesn't stack up. Carrots and baked potatoes are a lot cheaper than chocolate and crisps.

But it wasn’t “to be enjoyed by anyone”. It was a gift for my parents. As I quite clearly said, it’s up to them what they do with it, but if I’d wanted to provide “everyone dig in, let’s stuff ourselves” box, I’d have bought Roses or Quality Street.

a gold necklace is just a clump of metal, just give it to the 4yo to play with.

The sheperrds pie your mum made? It's only meat and potato. Dog can have it.