Uncomfortable about how she feeds her kids

[Chickeneggs]

Firstly, I know this is probably not a big deal as the children are fed, but I feel uncomfortable by the fact my friend buys herself good quality expensive food but gives her children basic brands.
for example she buys beige frozen food for them from Asda (yellow package) which is fine as I have bought some myself on occasion, then she will go to Waitrose or M&S to buy herself nice food.
The last time I visited there was a tonne of fresh vegetables stacked on the counter, I told her it’s great her children love vegetables and her response was that the veg is for herself as it’s too expensive to give to her children too.
They snack on biscuits and chocolate while she has fruit.
To me, I couldn’t eat something nice knowing my children are eating bland food with no nutrition. I’ve often skipped meals so my children can eat decent food, if they can’t have fruit or veg then I won’t eat at all to make sure I can buy it.
Is this something you’d raise with her to ask about it? Offer support whether financial or otherwise? Or do I just mind my business?

Honestly, would not have believed you OP, but...

I had a friend who was EXACTLY like this.

She made her own hummus, masses of veg, expensive cheese and fruit and went on and on about olives and made her own bread. For herself. She cared so much about what she ate. Going on holiday with her was an eye opener (and I eat lovely food but am not quite as obsessed)

Her DS was so thin and so pale the school got involved about his diet.
She fed him chicken nuggets and mango juice and biscuits. That[s it.

I said nothing,t we are no longer friends. She was horribly selfish in so many other ways too.

Her comment about fruit and veg being too expensive for the children while she eats posh food herself is borderline abusive. Most parents prioritise their children and they have what’s left. For a mum to prioritise themselves so brazenly and tell you like it’s nothing is really shocking.

There are all forms of child abuse and depriving children of certain foods or restricting what they eat is one of them.

I had a “friend “ like this very short lived “friendship”
she bought herself nice salmon . Cooked Sphag Bol home made for her and the boyfriend . Made roasts on Sunday and kids got leftover on Monday they got fed fish fingers before bed at the Sunday dinner time .
One morning I appeared as she was taking bacon sausages (fry up) etc out the oven I offered to help dish up . I asked how much the kids got and I was told any left overs .

she would spend money men’t for the kids on stuff for boyfriend . Was never short of money to party.
I was new to the area and soon got myself away . I can’t watch people do this to kids.
Oh and the kids got free school dinner so they didn’t need dinner they days .
Sadly there is very little you can do.

They’re not fussy children at all, I’ve had them to my house for tea many times and they eat anything and everything
Ironic how you are accusing posters of making assumptions when it is exactly what you are doing!

Maybe they eat your food because they are too polite to tell you that they hate it. My kids used to do this with their grand parents. They wouldn't have dared have tantrums there about food. At home though, it was another matter.

Maybe you should stop making assumptions yourself and let them be?

Yes, it would be incredibly rude. And a bit unhinged, frankly.

Very very probably this!!

Ok viva, if your children eat food they don’t like because they’re terrified of the adults reaction then that's a huge concern and you shouldn’t have allowed them to visit granny for food, shame on you for putting them in that position.
I’ve known these children since they were born and I’m certain of my ‘assumptions’.
Thanks for all the helpful comments, I won’t get involved I’ll just continue to give them healthy food when they stay for tea as usual.

@Chickeneggs I wouldn't assume she does it if she knows it harm her kids because this would make her an awful human I guess you wouldn't want for friend. Maybe she thinks that since kids like bisquits and supermarket cheap juice ect is ok for her to feed them that and save money while her that is an adult and has more acquired taste eats what we call better food. If I were you I would tell her something like ooh you know though that what they are getting is not enough do you substitute with vitamins? It can influence their health and growths if not. Maybe you can buy fresh veggies for one of their meal too , they don't have to he organic or from Waitrose. If she insists then I would not be friends with her anymore and I would check if I could report it at school or somewhere though little to be done since they are getting fed.

I mean to be fair i put veg on my kids’ plates most evenings and most evenings I am scraping said veg into the bin. I’ve given up spending hours cooking from scratch because all they want is pasta or sandwiches and they don’t eat half of the lovingly prepared nutritionally acceptable food.

will they eat veg and other nutritious foods at school/friends houses? Damn right they will.

sooo maybe your friend is just a bit more sensible than me (I’m not ready to give up yet)

I do this.

My kids like the plain shit. They want cheddar in their Mac and cheese not “emmenthal goats cheese and feta”. I’m more of a posho and want the fancy stuff.

Never occurred to me to feel guilty about it

And frankly rather surprising, since the OP talks about going without food for herself on many occasions, due to a lack of money.

You really just want us to join jn judging this woman. That's all this is. Many people have, so well done.

they are not fussy children and eat anything and everything which she’s seen with her own eyes when they have eaten at her house

Really? I always remember one of my kids hating scrambled eggs, I mean really loathing it, and when they went to a friend's house the mum saying how much my kid loved it. Also as a child I used to eat stuff at friend's houses I didn't like.

Was this not a Tik Tok video that was all a big joke.

I would seriously hope OP doesn’t do this - it’s
reports like this to social services that means they are too busy to deal with actual neglect. Giving children ‘yellow bagged asda food’ is certainly not neglect

What meals is she buying in M&S that cost £20? 🤔

My younger children eat chicken nuggets and chips, plain pasta, beans on toast, pizza while my partner and eldest and I eat lamb koftas, king prawn coconut curry, miso pork meatballs.
It's just pointless and expensive trying to feed them nice things as they whinge and refuse it. So I don't bother battling anymore, I just feed them what they will eat.

Indeed. People don’t realise what SWs deal with. They’d think “great that means kids are being fed” the hang up

But why does she need to compromise? The kids are happy; the parents are happy; what needs to change?

This kind of child abuse does exist and this is an example. I don’t know why people are falling over themselves on here trying to defend this woman who could well be abusing her children.

The only ‘evidence’ of abuse we have is she buys Asda value range. That’s not abuse - it’s just gives middle class snobs the heebie jeebies

Yes to Vivainsomnia

I was exactly like this. I only wanted beige food at home but I would eat what was given at a friends house, my desire to socially fit and not embarrass myself was much higher than my (very great) repulsion to green foods 😁

My MIL did this when DH and his brothers were growing up. DH ate the same cheap shitty "chicken roll" sandwich for lunch every day for years and things like tinned beans-and-sausages for dinner. She'd buy salmon and Stilton and prawns for herself. Sometimes she'd actually write her name on stuff in the fridge so nobody else would dare touch it. She's nuts.

And the comment about not letting her kids eat any fruit or veg because it’s too expensive is absolutely normal is it?!