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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

419 replies

KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:41

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

OP posts:
KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:42

As an aside, can anyone think of a male name beginning with Y? Confused

OP posts:
FlindersKeepers · 27/11/2023 11:43

Yvan.

pippinsleftleg · 27/11/2023 11:43

YANBU about all of it!

LaraMargot · 27/11/2023 11:43

Yannick

Gruelle · 27/11/2023 11:44

They are being unreasonable.

Would you be willing to drive them both there yourself?

InTheRainOnATrain · 27/11/2023 11:44

Yann??

But YANBU. Driving without insurance is illegal FFS and you’d be out of pocket if any damage occurred to the car because I think you can be fairly certain a CF like Zara wouldn’t pay you back.

FrodisCapering · 27/11/2023 11:44

Yves, Yorick, Yael

Kirstyshine · 27/11/2023 11:44

Yonatan, and I’m surprised anyone’s clicked yabu, maybe they didn’t read that you’ve offered to chauffeur him yourself.

Mazuslongtoenail · 27/11/2023 11:44

You offered to drive, that’s the reasonable thing to do. So you’ve been more than fair.

purplehue · 27/11/2023 11:44

You are not being unreasonable.

The only option if she wants her son to be driven to the event is for you to drive him.

I wouldn't let anyone drive my car without insurance and mine is a banger 😂

KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:45

Goshdamn could have had Yorrick!

Would have been excellent.

He's very theatrical 😉

OP posts:
Rudicoolcat · 27/11/2023 11:45

FlindersKeepers · 27/11/2023 11:43

Yvan.

👏🏼👏🏼

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2023 11:46

Yorick!

I wouldn’t think any more about it-she can’t borrow your possessions without being insured on it so it won’t be happening anyway, and she can be as pissed off as she wants to be.

Do Wilma and Vince think you should be paying for the extra insurance to do this thing you don’t want to do anyway?!

Is it a Delorean?!

CagneyAndLazy · 27/11/2023 11:46

Insurance is NOT "almost irrelevant at that point", the silly woman!

It doesn't matter that's it's private property; it's accessible to the public and you absolutely DO need to be insured.

God help you all if she hit a child - or anyone else - uninsured.

YANBU at all, OP.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2023 11:47

I can’t believe 3% of voters think you are unreasonable! Are Zara, Wilber and Vince on here?!

KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:47

Further info.

Venue is about 15 miles from home, and roads grounds of venue are probably a mile or so.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 27/11/2023 11:47

KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:42

As an aside, can anyone think of a male name beginning with Y? Confused

Grin I read your OP thinking, "what about Y, she's missed Y!"

sillyme563 · 27/11/2023 11:47

"I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there."

So she's ok for you to drive them both? She needs to 'be there' or she 'needs to drive'?

DaftyInTheMiddle · 27/11/2023 11:48

Nope, you’re completely reasonable. You’ve rightly said she needs insurance, which she has refused. You’ve also offered to drive, so she is the person ruining things by all accounts.

I’m guessing she’s one of those cringe “cool
moms” who wants to be centre of attention around her sons mates.

Pinkdelight3 · 27/11/2023 11:48

Yossarian.

YANBU at all. Refuse to engage on it any more. They're being ridiculous.

Dodgygeezer · 27/11/2023 11:49

Absolutely not unreaonable

guessing it’s a two seater?

Bonjovispjs · 27/11/2023 11:49

Yassine

Stick to your guns and tell them to do one.

KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:49

More further info.

It's a 2 seater, so can't take them both.

Apologies that was pretty crucial info 😳

OP posts:
CecilyP · 27/11/2023 11:49

YANBU! But if you are willing to drive him, why can’t you drive and Zara sit in the back seat? I’m actually surprised that she hasn’t already ordered a chauffeur’s uniform for you!

CecilyP · 27/11/2023 11:49

Cross post!