To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

Slightly worried about her skills, but still willing to risk it for my nephew and sister**

You mention Zara’s Manoeuvring skills (or lack thereof) and outright refusal to source insurance… I wonder does Zara maybe have a few points on the license and wouldn’t be able to get said insurance… Ho hum.

YANBU - doesn’t matter if it’s a Punto or a Porsche. No insurance, no drive.

Ywain - good solid Welsh Y name there.

But she isn't doing the legwork. How is that the fault of the OP in any way? I'm interested to hear your views

For a name that starts with the letter "Y", how about "Yabu"?

Well she doesn't want to pay for the insurance and she doesn't want to be driven, so it's her that's the CF. You can't ask to use something then dictate your own terms!

How is the OP not coming across well when she's said her sister can borrow the car if she's willing to get herself insured on it? I'm not sure what the point of doing all the work to get a short term quote would be when the sister has already said she isn't willing to pay it.

Driving it uninsured on private land might not be breaking the law but she could still drive it into a ditch or reverse into a fence.

Agreeing to let her drive it if she pays for the short term insurance is way way more generous than I or I expect most people would be.

The sister is asking for a massive favour and if there is any legwork to be done to make it possible, it's very much on her to do it.

Of course she doesn't want her expensive car to get damaged.

Why is that unreasonable?

Tell them to rent a car for the day, if you haven't already. Then she can drive any fancy thing she likes for no reason at all

The cheapest way to insure the car would be to add her as a temporary additional driver to OP’s policy. I did this with my sister for a road trip, it cost less than £7 for 5 days. Not a Jag, though.

The thing is - OP would need to make the change and her sister would need to divulge claims and convictions. Maybe that’s the stumbling block. Getting the quote wouldn’t take long, may well be able to do it on the insurer’s website and would take 5 minutes.

Anyhow - without insurance, it’s a No. It just is.

She's being a CF.

Too much drama when I reckon you have your own things to do near Christmas.

Tell her to hire a car like any normal person would do but shes a CF and wants one for free.

You are not being unreasonable at all - far from it. I would maybe (and guess you've already done this) reaffirm that you are more than happy to drive him there so that he gets the grand entrance she was looking for and that she should make her own way there in advance so that she can capture the arrival on camera, giving them a lasting memory of the occasion. Yorik and his Mrs can but out!

If you let somebody drive your car knowing that they don't have insurance you will both be breaking the law and liable to get six points on your licence as well as a huge increase in your insurance premium. You should also tell her to Fuck right off!!

they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this college.

Oh really? Then they've had plenty of time to buy their own fancy car, haven't they? But no... they just assumed you'd willingly hand over your car keys so she could drive it.

Ask for an illegal favour in advance of this event and see what they say.

If she must be there, she can follow you up in her own car or go early and walk up the drive and wait for him to get out. No way I would let anyone drive my car, especially uninsured.

@Inheritanceconundrum

I don’t think op is being precious at all, yes it’s a lump of metal, an expensive lump of metal and with that comes legal responsibilities.
Driving another car on your own insurance is third party only. Meaning op would lose out if ops sister wrecked it.
Assuming ops sister has insurance that offers this, not all do.

Of course she doesn't want her expensive car to get damaged.

Why is that unreasonable?

What is unreasonable is the very low chance of it getting damaged versus her relationship further deteriorating with her sister and her parents. It comes across as being precious. The assumption is that it will get damaged, which seems pretty unlikely if her sister just drives it slowly up the venue driveway. I just think that it's unreasonable to put your relationship with possessions above that of close family. But maybe I'm biased because I view cars just as things and not as status symbols and my sibling is currently terminally ill, which really gets you to reassess what is really important in life.

As I said, the sister should pay for insurance and do the leg work, but the OP could still invest a little time in offering to help with this. I recently added a relative as a named driver to my policy and it cost me nothing to do so. It took about 10 minutes to do so.

Did you even read the OP?

THE OP SAID SHE WOULD LET HER SISTER BORROW THE CAR IF HER SISTER SORTED OUT INSURANCE AND THE SISTER IS REFUSING TO DO SO.

I also think that responses here have been skewed as a result of the way that the facts have been presented. Firstly through use of the CF term. Everyone knows that mumsnet start frothing at the mouth at the first mention of a CF. Also, the deliberate omission of it being her sister didn't help and caused a biased presentation. The post would have been received slightly differently, in my opinion, had she asked whether she should lend her car to her sister for a few minutes to take her son up the drive to the prom. The OP has presented herself as being reasonable by ensuring that she has said how much she loves her nephew. Meanwhile her sister is dubbed the CF golden child, so cast in a deliberately poor light. She is criticised for wanting to be with her own son at the prom, rather than his auntie taking him (which given the evident hostility between the two, would be disappointing to hear). Posters have described her as pretentious for wanting to borrow a nice car for a special occasion. No one has accused the OP as being pretentious for owning the car in the first place. It just strikes me as a biased narrative and that this boils down to typical sibling rivalry/tensions.

@MargotBamborough

No need to shout dear, I'm not deaf. Nor blind. And yes I did read it. I just wasn't entirely buying the narrative and felt that both parties could have done more to facilitate things. The OP said that she didn't look into the details of her policy after her sister dismissed her stipulation of her paying for insurance. Personally, I would have checked out whether that was absolutely necessary first before stipulating it. I was allowed to temporarily switch named drivers on my policy for no additional charge. Perhaps her sister felt that the OP was being a bit difficult or that her tone was derisery. After all, we know that she refers to her sister as the golden child. I just think that life is too short for disputes like this.

But the question isn't whether she should be willing to lend her sister her very expensive car for a few minutes.

The question is whether she is unreasonable to refuse to let her sister drive her very expensive car for a few minutes without insurance, which would be a driving offence for both of them.

I don't see how pointing out that people might have answered differently if she had asked a completely different question is relevant. Neither is it relevant whether it is her sister asking her to commit a crime or anyone else.

It's also not relevant whether you think the OP is pretentious for owning a nice car. Owning a nice car, unlike driving without insurance, is not a crime.

So, the OP said that her sister (whose driving she doesn't entirely trust) COULD borrow her expensive car if she covered the cost of putting herself on the insurance.

The sister said no, she wasn't willing to cover the cost.

Then the OP offered to drive her nephew to prom herself so he could be seen by his mates getting out of the swish car.

The sister said no, she wanted to be the one driving. But not badly enough to pay to get herself put on the insurance, apparently.

Sorry, what exactly do you think the OP should have done to "facilitate" this?

I think she's already bent over backwards actually.

Are you suggesting that she should either pay whatever it costs to put her sister on the insurance or let her drive it uninsured?

Why?

Search FB for "free prom cars and special occasions"

Pass on the link and turn off your notifications from Zara.

YANBU.
I can never understand other people's sense of entitlement with things like this! So weird. You're definitely not in the wrong OP! Stand your ground