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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

419 replies

KindaProm · 27/11/2023 11:41

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

OP posts:
PortalooSunset · 27/11/2023 12:07

Zara can bugger off with her demands. Planning to use your vehicle 'for ages' without actually asking until now?!

If you like your nephew/whatever relation Xander and he has expressed his own preference to turn up on the back of your tandem then maybe offer to take him yourself. But Zara can get tf.

OooohAhhhh · 27/11/2023 12:07

Defo not being unreasonable, however how do you know she isn't insured to drive it?
Does your car insurance allow you to drive other cars & does hers?
You don't always need to take out insurance for a day if insurance covers people to drive other cars.
Her attitude is terrible tho, and I wouldn't let her just based on that.

Imreallytiredandanxioustoday · 27/11/2023 12:08

Absolutely not. She can't drive uninsured and that's the end of it.
Tell anyone who's complaining to piss off

KatBurglar · 27/11/2023 12:09

Zara can stick up her jumper, the cheeky mare. Wilma and Vince and get their noses out of your business.

IncompleteSenten · 27/11/2023 12:09

YANBU
Tell the ones butting in that you said she could if she paid insurance. Since she refused are they saying they're going to pay the £X insurance since it's soooo important to them that your car is used. Would they like your bank details?

OkayScooby · 27/11/2023 12:09

OooohAhhhh · 27/11/2023 12:07

Defo not being unreasonable, however how do you know she isn't insured to drive it?
Does your car insurance allow you to drive other cars & does hers?
You don't always need to take out insurance for a day if insurance covers people to drive other cars.
Her attitude is terrible tho, and I wouldn't let her just based on that.

That would be 3rd party cover. Effectively leaving op's car uninsured.
Op, yanbu. It was kind of you to offer to drive .

poetryandwine · 27/11/2023 12:09

PS If you are pals with Zander and he likes the idea of turning up in your car, would you consider driving him? I think you would need to ask him directly.

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 27/11/2023 12:09

Nah, you can drive him and she can follow if she needs to be there.

Cumbrianlife · 27/11/2023 12:10

I knew it would be a two seater. I also assume It's incredibly powerful. Imagine if she hit a child uninsured.
Private property like a field is not the same as a school driveway or supermarket carpark. You need insurance if the public have access.
She just wants to pretend it's hers. I have quite a nice car, probably not on your scale but cost between around £45,000. I've been amazed at prom time and for weddings, people I barely know wanting me to drive their DC or borrow it. I'd never dream of it. It isn't even particularly flash and definitely not sporty.

Whydowomendothistothemselves · 27/11/2023 12:10

Alas! Poor Yorick! Forever scarred for want of a luxury car! I knew him well, but his mother forbade his presence ever after.

Mudflaps · 27/11/2023 12:12

I think for the circumstances the ideal name is Yanker.
You are not being unreasonable, you've offered to drive him but in reality it's all about his mother and the reaction she wants from driving your car. The fact that she's been planning this for so long without discussing it with you and that she's got other family members involved (all as stupid as she seems to be) to pressure you shows in my opinion that she knew you wouldn't be jumping up and down with delight at the idea of her driving your car uninsured or not. Tell them you're taking the dog for a drive that day and he's really looking forward to it so you can't let him down. Forward her some hire car options if you're feeling helpful.

Lndnmummy · 27/11/2023 12:12

Yusef

Vanillalime · 27/11/2023 12:12

Nothing remotely helpful to add but 👏👏👏 for the V, W, X & Z names.

I was going to suggest Yuri but “alas poor Yorick” above is a winner 😂😂😂

SiobhanSharpe · 27/11/2023 12:13

Shinyandnew1 · 27/11/2023 12:05

But Zara has refused to pay for the insurance.

Show quote history

Indeed, ten to one Zara had already got a quote for the Lambo/DB8/Testarossa cover before she asked to borrow it sans insurance.
She knew, but was happy for her relative to take the risk. Extreme CF-ery.

billy1966 · 27/11/2023 12:14

Mute the lot of them and step away.

People whom cannot accept NO, do not get any further response from me.

Absolutely no further engagement once I say No to something.

I have found that menopausal rule that I discovered a decade plus ago, so freeing.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 27/11/2023 12:15

I ponder if Zara is jealous of car and if you weredaft enough to let her borrow she'd accidentally of course bump it!

OnlyFannys · 27/11/2023 12:17

Stick her in the boot?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/11/2023 12:18

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it
... I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough

Tough; you have offered the car, and if the terms don't suit that's her decision

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/11/2023 12:19

So all these berating you are lining up to pay for her insurance on your car for that day ? .....thought not. Tell them you are only refusing she drives it uninsured but if they want to fund that then she can drive it.....then watch them scarper

littlefireseverywhere · 27/11/2023 12:19

No, you offered to drive him. All about him not her!

Moooooooooooooooooo · 27/11/2023 12:19

No-one remembered the VERY famous Yul Brynner? Or is it just because I’m so bloody old

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 27/11/2023 12:21

Beggars can't be choosers.
In this situation Zara is a beggar and she's a choosy one.

I think I'd have given the option you did, I can drive him, but no, she's not driving uninsured.
Expensive cars require expensive parts if they get hit or scraped.

Such a weird thought that she would borrow your car and was actually planning around your car thar she would drive lol. I'd love to know where that thought came from

BMW6 · 27/11/2023 12:21

Yul Brynner! How could I have forgotten him!

321user123 · 27/11/2023 12:22

CagneyAndLazy · 27/11/2023 11:46

Insurance is NOT "almost irrelevant at that point", the silly woman!

It doesn't matter that's it's private property; it's accessible to the public and you absolutely DO need to be insured.

God help you all if she hit a child - or anyone else - uninsured.

YANBU at all, OP.

Not only that… the police would immediately SEIZE the car!!!!! 😭😭😭

Zarah123 · 27/11/2023 12:22

Moooooooooooooooooo · 27/11/2023 12:19

No-one remembered the VERY famous Yul Brynner? Or is it just because I’m so bloody old

Edited

Of course! He was a hunk.