To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

I reckon this is the main reason

100% not unreasonable!!I leant out a car once to a friend and she crashed it! Never got a penny back from her and the car was practically written off. We lost so much money on it because she was only 3rd party on it!

I get the impression that @Inheritanceconundrum jasmt read the post properly.
Do people not realise that driving without insurance is illegal? Or that a
crash even on private property is a crash?? The damage isn’t non existent just because it’s on private property!! Cars are expensive, I learnt the hard way NEVER to lend my car out again, to anyone!

'The cat is a jaguar.'

now it has got interesting...😂

Op mentions the venue is fifteen miles away plus a private drive of one mile in the grounds of said venue. 16 miles return is 32 miles. That is more than a few minutes of driving, it could be 40 minutes to an hour or more, depending on road and weather conditions. Where I live these venues tend to be in big estate Mansion houses converted to Hotels, usually in rural locations and rural usually means narrow unlit roads.

Do you know OP then? Or her sister? Actually, unless you do know her sister, and you've sited her drivers licence and insurance history, how can possibly know what the chances of the car getting damaged are?

You know nothing of the sister's driving history, the sister has already stated her refusal to get insurance and since you don't know how many other teens are attending the ball, you can't know how busy the venue roads will be, nor can you vouch for the driving skills of the other drivers.

I see absolutely no evidence that the OP views her car as anything other than a nice car that she treated herself too, having worked hard to pay for it; the only person viewing this car as a status symbol is the sister.

This plan has been in the pipeline for at least a year, if not longer! The sister could have easily saved up the money for a rental car, or a chauffeur driven vehicle - she chose not too! It isn't for OP to bail her sister out. OP offered to drive her nephew, this offer was refused.

The sister wants to be seen in the car. For her, the car is a status symbol. She doesn't give a darn if the car is damaged, hence her refusal to get insurance.

The car may only be a vehicle to get from A to B, but it's OP's A to B carrier! And you can bet your life that if something did happen to the car, the sister would refuse to pay for it, instead she would probably blame OP for letting her drive the car, knowing that she doesn't drive performance cars often, if at all!

I'm very sorry about your sibling 🌺

I'm going to take a stab in the dark (it's the middle of the night here, well early hours of the morning to split a hair, so a pun!), but isn't it snowing, or at least icy on the roads? Or is it too early still?

I don’t know where op lives but it’s been snowing overnight here in North East England, it was snowing when I wrote my post at 09.00 am. One road was closed yesterday morning due to ice.

Ah well, in that case, I definitely do not blame OP for refusing to let sister borrow the car! The mind boggles....no insurance and a possibly erratic driver 🙄

Anyone else thinking that Inheritanceconundrum may be Zara?

Yabu for not telling your dsis to f right off as soon as she refused to pay the insurance. And the same to the CFs wading in. CF of the year 2023 group award.

Can’t decide yet until I hear Ursula and Yvette’s take on this whole affair.

I have a very expensive 2nd car. 4 years old - and hasn't dropped a penny in value. So yes I am fucking precious about my car. Mine isnt a lump. It is gorgeous. So gorgeous even I rarely drive it. There are only about 1500 of my cars in the UK. So no way EVER would I be "lending" mine to a CF. My son - driving licence - in the motor trade - keeps asking. The only promise I make is that I will ask the insurance broker to quote. Hysterical - insurance sky high. I am old, clean licence and even my insurance is far too much for how much I drive the car. I truly think you have no real idea as to how much insurance costs on a "fun" car.

Yep.

I can’t believe anyone would expect someone to let them drive their car uninsured.

When mine were in the 6th form, it was all the rage to hire a limousine with chauffeur between a few of them and turn up in that. Couldn’t Yves’ mum do that?

This

if it were about the son, your offer would be taken up. As it’s not, and it hasn’t been, not much more you can do.

id happily point this offer out to anyone saying you’re being unfair.

It makes you want to trade your car in this week for a Nissan micra.

Most insurance certainly do not allow this.
Every driver needs a minimum of third party cover so duster would need a driver other vehicles extension which won't protect OPs car at all. Some policies don't even offer this cover.

Driving with no proper comprehensive cover would be a bad idea for all concerned and as an insurance claims handler I'd never risk it because the costs can be insane.

Haha have done that.