To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

I wouldn't do that in my own car never mind a powerful sports car belonging to someone else.

In fairness, we don’t know it’s a powerful sports car - it could be a Ferrari or an MX5 🤣

Zara is your sister and Wilma is your mum I take it?!

You’ve been more than reasonable saying yes if she gets insurance or driving him yourself.

why don't you?

What make and model is the car OP?

These types of policy are quite unusual these days. I have been fully comp for over twenty years and have never been able to drive another car on my insurance.

all of mine have come with full comp and I can drive any car - for the last 10 years, and ive never asked for this. as do most of my family and friends

These types of policy are quite unusual these days. I have been fully comp for over twenty years and have never been able to drive another car on my insurance.

Every single policy I’ve had in the past 20 years has had DOC cover as standard.

It sounds to me as if everything is going through Zara. I am curious about what Xander wants.

YANBU

If Zara's insurance covers her to drive other cars that will almost certainly only be 3rd party- so enough for her not to be driving illegally, but no insurance cover for damage to your car.
If Zara drives the car but only on private property, there's still no cover for any damage to your car. Plus I am fairly sure that a school drive/car park would not count as 'private' for insurance purposes.
I have teenagers myself, and I do not know any Y13 boy who would want to make an entrance at prom with his mother. Driven by the cool aunt with a sports car- possibly. Arriving with a bunch of friends but driven by mum -possibly (but she would probably had to agree not to be embarrassing!) Quietly dropped off my mum at the gate, so he can go and meet his friends- probably. But an attention seeking entrance in a sports car, just teenage boy and his mummy- absolutely not. I strongly suspect Zara has planned this without her son's knowledge.

I wouldn’t want her driving it even with insurance tbh, there’s always an excess or other unforeseen risk.

Cheeky bitch, just stop replying.

No way Jose would I let someone drive my car without full insurance, especially under those circumstances (many distractions, not the most observant driver, presumably a car that would be quite expensive to get fixed in the event of a scrape, person asking to borrow it a card-carrying CF so not to be relied upon to pay up if any damage occurred).

They are BU to keep banging on about it, you've given them your answer.

She’s a CF, and you are quite right. Stick to your guns.

Yanbu.

Yosef, Yuri - male ‘Y’ names

Hang the private land- nobody uninsured drives my car- end of. Either she pays for insurance (even then you can choose to refuse- it’s your car!) or sorry but no, end of!

What does Xander want?
Does he really want to be driven to the party by his mum or his auntie?

Stick to your guns.

Have we had Yousef?

I’d invent an overnight trip that day just to shut them all up.

I can't help but wonder if Zara would actually drive the car. I mean, it doesn't look as cool when it's embarrassing mum driving it. Are you sure she doesn't mean to hand the car to Xander in that mile long road, and that's why she doesn't want you driving him?

That crossed my mind too.

Yanbu especially because she won’t even pay the insurance herself!

This is possible. Once the car is out of your sight you have no idea who is driving it.

Or is this really about Xander driving it himself to impress his posh pals??? Hence reluctance to let anyone except Zara be behind the wheel? Just a thought...

YANBU at all. You've offered to drive him which is more than generous. I'd start getting cross now and tell anyone else who asks that it's a no and you don't want to hear anything else about it. Put the phone down if necessary and don't respond to messages. If she wants to drive him herself she can pay for the insurance as suggested or hire a bloody car, or even arrive in advance and watch at the entrance when you pull up. After all the moaning I'd probably pull the offer to drive as well though.

Stick to your guns. Don’t let anyone drive your car without insurance 😬

And I agree with post upthread - are you sure she wouldn’t be handing the keys to Xander? As surely he doesn’t actually want to be dropped off by his mum?!

This would add up with her not putting herself on on the insurance- what’s the point if she’s not driving…..