To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

This.

Bus wankers.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Zara has been telling people that she owns the OP’s car but doesn’t drive it normally for [insert reason].

YA Absolutely NBU! As the DW of a naice car enthusiast and owner, I wouldn’t expect DH to hand over the keys to anyone, even if they were insured up the arse.

DH and his friends have a few naice cars between them, which have featured in friends weddings and kids proms, but the driver has always been the owner.

Same with me

I wondered that too because Zara is being completely unreasonable about not being able to have the car.

Agree with @Choux and @InTropicalTrumpsLand . If Zara will be this unreasonable then yes, she will just hand your keys over to Xander Yorick and the 2nd seat may be his date or his mate and not her at all! This is just a horrible idea. But explains why you, OP, for some inexplicable reason, are not an option to drive him, when that’s the most logical choice. And if anyone else calls you, like Wilma, tell them they’re welcome to pay for Zara’s insurance, or to stop mentioning it.

What's the car?

as I understand it what you've offered is that you would lend close family your car for this special occasion IF she paid to be added to the insurance. And , when this did not meet with approval you have offered to drive 30 / 60 miles to chauffeur the kiddo to his prom type thing, despite the fact that you almost certainly weren't being offered petrol money let alone thanks.

Not only are you not being unreasonable you are being both reasonable and generous. People can hire fancy cars, any family member giving you grief should be invited to chuck some money in a kitty for Zara to hire a fancy car.
https://starrluxurycars.com/porsche-luxury-car-hire-uk/

The only SANE options are

She hires a car from a reputable company (who will insist on insurance, funny that).
You drive.
She drives but pays the insurance.

However, if it’s's a two seater and a prestige vehicle I'm assuming it is powerful. Has she driven it before, otherwise when you add in excitement and how busy it will be, is a recipe for disaster. One which you will pay massively for.

Personally I would insist on option one or two only.

Yiannis. It fits in nicely with Zara & Xander... as this whole thread has a Greek Tragedy vibe about it.

Sounds like Zara has to be there so she can pretend the car is hers.

Also, my answer would also be "fuck no"

Yogi

You are not being unreasonable, no way would anyone drive my car without insurance.

I suggest that Zara needs to arrive at the venue before you & Xander. Then she can film his arrival. Which she wouldn’t be able to do if she was driving!

YANBU. Other people do not get to decide what you do with your property.

Just because they really really want it, doesn't mean they get it.

It's strange that Zara has reached adulthood without realising this and is now teaching her child to bully other people into doing what they want.

I have a direct reaction to pushy people - I push back harder.

Fabulous names OP

Tell Wilma and Vince to lend her their cars! They're CFs too!

You've said no and that should be enough. If they'd accepted this graciously I might have been tempted to offer to drive them myself. But no. There is no need for all this and would only make me dig my heels in.

Your Sister sounds like a spoilt cow.

YANBU!

I did a prom trip last year for a son of a friend of my mums (I also have a car that young boys love 😂) it's also unable to fit lots of people. The mum gave me a bottle of bubbly and some posh chocolates via my mum, after I turned down the cash she tried to palm off on me when I arrived. Neither parent had any interest in being in the car! They were at the venue waiting to take photos, like most of the parents involved.

I'd never let anyone drive my car who's unused to it, insured or not. People who don't drive them don't understand the power or drive, it's not worth it for a 16 mile journey. Zara needs to realise the only problem in this is her!

Hmmm. If Zara gets insurance and then lets Xander drive she is legally liable if he is caught / has an accident 'if you allow a friend or relative to drive your vehicle and they do not have insurance, you will commit the offence of permitting them to drive without insurance.'

But if Zara doesn't get insurance and Xander drives the person allowing a car to be driven without insurance is OP. So OP is then the one breaking the law.

YANBU
Tell em to fuck off !

The Law
As a minimum an individual must have third party insurance in order to drive a vehicle on a road or in a public place within the UK. Penalties for driving without insurance or for permitting someone else to drive uninsured include:
1 A fine of up to £5,000;
2 An endorsement of between six and eight penalty points on your license;
3 Disqualification from driving.

www.motorists-lawyer.co.uk/services/driving-without-insurance/#:~:text=Penalties%20for%20driving%20without%20insurance,Disqualification%20from%20driving.

I mean the obvious name is Yanker with the ‘Y’ pronounced as a ‘W’ which I understand is the traditional pronunciation used in CheekyFuckerLand.

Yul

The only unreasonable thing you've done here is giving your characters such stupid names.

I'm interested in why Zara's so desperate for Xander to arrive in an expensive car though. You say it's a specialist sixth form, does he have SEN that may make him fixate on a particular thing and does Zara get the brunt of that? Or is he bullied at the school and hopes that turning up in a posh car will put him on a better social footing?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

You're very unreasonable to offer this, let them stew or hire a limo and chauffeur.