To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

[Wheresmemum]

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

Yeah I have. Over me wearing a chakra bracelet. They were bang into it and got aggressive when I couldn't name all of the power points, or whatever they're called. It's their problem basically.

Pay them no mind. Go on holiday!

Don't let her get to you. She sounds like one bonkers person in a group of otherwise nice people. Of course you can go away with your daughter. People do it all the time. Some women even travel alone (shock, horror!)

Obviously I don't know you so can't tell you if you're simply too nice, but perhaps the issue is you give credence and weight to the opinions of random strangers over your own experiences and knowledge? Surely you know in this day and age that women have and do travel to Spain without male chaperones. It's 2023, not 1823 after all. But this one person (who doesn't know anything about you, or the world it seems) rabbiting on has made you doubt yourself.

Some people get jealous when they hear you have got exciting plans and want to rain on your parade, mixed with ignorance that just because they didn't enjoy it once upon a time, which is ridiculous because everyone experiences things differently. I'm sure you will have a lovely break with your daughter. If this lady is causing you to be upset then don't hang around people like this or join a different group.

She sounds unhinged but you can't blame her for how you are feeling that is your choice, no one can make you feel anything

Well firstly, if that is an accurate portrayal of what she said then that is all about her and her issues. If she’d said that to me I’d have laughed and thought ‘ok then’ and completely dismissed her. Why are you so deeply invested in the batshit opinion of a random you barely know?

Two different things at play here: some woman being an intrusive and unhinged presence, and then your completely OTT reaction of taking what she said so personally and defensively that you cried over it. Get a grip and stop taking on board other people’s worldviews as if they are a commentary of your own.

Don't be silly and let her get to you! YANBU but just try brush it off.
She sounds jealous and like she doesn't know how to have a good time. Some people just revel in raining on someone else's parade.
Spain is lovely, I go frequently both with my husband, parents and girlfriends.
Where abouts in Spain are you going? The only place I've ever had an issue is Barcelona (just general city issues with stealing) but that being said it's still my favourite place in the world and return time and time again.

She sounds bonkers and I’m surprised nobody else told her so! Honestly it’s probably nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done and this woman clearly has some issues of her own going on. Perhaps she is jealous about your holiday or closeness with your daughter, who knows but please don’t think on her anymore. I went on holiday with my mum when I was 21 and we had a wonderful time, gosh I’d love to go with my daughter when she’s the same age! Enjoy proving her wrong having a fabulous holiday!

How unpleasant. Sounds to me as though she was jealous of your holiday plans and the fact that the others were listening to you (and she wasn't the centre of attention). I have been to Spain several times (different places) and really like it. What is more, I travelled with my sister and we had no problems (you just have to watch out for pickpockets in crowded places, as every country). I have also backpacked in Asia alone years ago and had a great time, so worry not and have a great time with your daughter!

I’m sorry she’s upset you but please try to realise this is about her and not you. Just because she hated Spain doesn’t mean you will.

You’re also perfectly safe without a male chaperone. I’m a lesbian and would never get to go anywhere if I needed to have a male partner to do so! Women can go away together with zero issue and solo women can also travel perfectly safely. Don’t let her weird issues get to you.

You'll be fine. I've been to Spain a fair few times on my own, and also travelled round half the world alone. Sure, there are some risks, but so there are if I walk out my front door and cross the road.

I don't think I've particularly felt all women on a group are against me, but I often feel I don't quite fit anyway, so it's just normal to me. But you don’t have to take notice of what someone you don't know says. Some people just talk bollocks.

This is not a 'women' problem.

It's a not very nice person problem.

You say you have a few lovely close women friends and that you're a woman yourself, so you must know this??

Sounds like she has a bee in her bonnet about something.
Next time she goes off just look at her with a bit of concern on your face and ask her if she's ok, it will highlight her odd behavioir to the group and it should shut her up for a bit.

I agree with others. She wanted the attention back on her. I would ignore her and I expect the more time you spend around her, the more you’ll see she does it to everyone. If she is genuinely just doing it to you, you can call her out on it. But I wouldn’t give her a second thought right now. Enjoy your holiday with your daughter - you’ll love it!!!

She's a Narc gobshite and you need to learn how to laugh at the pathetic games of such people and don't let them put you on the back foot. They're sick but they're also totally powerless and unbalanced, playing a weak and pathetic game - it's only your 'hurt feelings' that make you feel like they have some power over you. Try standing up to such sad sick verbal bullies in the future and find your own voice and stand in your own power.

Practice laughing in her face and saying what on earth are you talking about, we've only just met and yet you seem to have formed a lot of opinions about myself and my daughters likes and dislikes... are these your own experiences you're talking about? Or, laughing and saying uhm wow not sure where all that came from do you have issues with Spain, something we need to know about?

She's probably jealous she doesn't have a daughter to go on holiday with.

Just sounds like she’d had a bad experience and was very honest about it to you, some people will think they’re doing you a favour and others will agree with anything anyone says to them as is the most surefire way to be socially successful and so is what they do naturally or have been conditioned to do. As for another women being off with me or anyone else for a reason I’m not aware of, absolutely yes. Do I think about it for days afterwards, hell yes too 😑 I’ve actually found since I’ve started reading mumsnet, it has given me a lot of insight, so many things people perceive as disrespectful, hurtful, offensive or just irritating that wouldn’t have crossed my mind.

She is jealous/threatened by you either as she doesn’t have the confidence to go off like that (shock horror) without her “hubby” or maybe because she doesn’t have that kind of relationship with her own dc (if she has any) and who could blame them with such a nasty judgemental cow for a mother? Whatever it is, it’s about her not you.

Id have found it amusing and said something like “Omg, REALLY? You wouldn’t go to SPAIN without your dh there to hold your hand? What are you, joined at the hip? Don’t you do anything without him? And Spain isn’t exactly the ends of the earth is it? It’s two hours away!” and laughed in a derisory manner. Make her look stupid, that’s what you need to do op.

These people happen to everyone now and again - it’s nothing to do with you. The only issue is you letting them get to you. They are usually unresolved and dis-regulated people who aren’t capable of having respectful conversation for very long. Just grey rock them, “ah sorry you feel that way, I’m pleased with my choice” or something similar - firm but bland - and change the subject.

That’s quite a big reaction to go home and cry and even rethink your plans. Do you have any idea why some stranger with a different opinion got to you so much?

Hard to tell whether she was deliberately nasty or just a drama llama who actually wouldn’t go away without her husband. Plenty of people like that about.

I’d have just said, “oh it doesn’t worry me - I’ve travelled alone before. And we all like different places!” and made eye contact with someone else instead. Odd that you took it to heart so.

Why is this the default when someone is rude or says something someone does not like 'oh they are jealous'

Do you honestly think the person wants to have a daughter to go on holiday with or is this one of those not meaning it sayings?

Some of my favourite holidays were just me and my mum, we even did New York on our own! You'll have an amazing time.

Sounds like this woman has taken a dislike to you, sometimes people do that and there's no real explanation behind it.

Forget about her!

Because she legit sounds jealous and wanting to cut down another's story and another's fun and hopes and dreams - sick thinking like that comes from a spiteful place that healthy happy people can't relate to and then they start worrying.

Do you honestly think the person wants to have a daughter to go on holiday with or is this one of those not meaning it sayings?

Erm… I would say it’s entirely possible that she a.doesn’t have a daughter and would like one or b. Has a daughter but doesn’t have the kind of relationship where they’d holiday together (after all if she’s that vile generally it’s doubtful any offspring will want to be around her much)

I don’t think that’s a surprising or odd conclusion for a pp to have made?

Suppose It’s just people trying to make sense of it and on here that is usually done quite negatively. Probably just as likely she didn’t get the memo not to rain on people’s parades

A school mum doesn't like me. I've absolutely no idea why. She talks to other mums around me but she'll never look me in the eye or speak. She's everyone else's friend, we were at a kids party today and same thing happened again.
Sorry this happened to you.It must have hurt. But don't let this woman put you off going on holiday with your daughter.