To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

[Wheresmemum]

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

What a lovely woman you met!
I am Spanish, and I can tell you that unless you plan wandering into a drug trafficking neighborhood by night, Spain is as secure as any country in the first world.
We have police, emergency services, hospitals...
We have even WiFi and air friers!
Your jealous friend obviously visited the wrong area or during the wrong century, who knows.

Well my 17 year old Dd went to Barcelona with a friend to a language school did lots of clubbing and sightseeing. Had a marvellous time. Everyone listening will be thinking this woman is a mean weirdo.

Spain probably safer than England! Dd felt very safe lots of young female bar staff in the clubs and they met up with lots of other girls on their gap years from all over he world.

Absolutely this @Wheresmemum

laugh in face, say “omg, it’s Spain, Not Somalia, but i understand not everyone appreciates travel if they’re not very worldly”<tinkly laugh>, “oh excuse me, need the loo/to catch up with Jenny/mingle”

then just don’t engage, it’ll fee the drama she wants.

imagine how sad a person you’d have to be to be such an unmitigated bitch to someone you barely know.

It may not be jealousy but it’s always „something „ isn’t it. This has nothing to do with the ops holiday , it’s all to do with the woman and her problems that make her want to say what she said.

I decided long ago that as i do have many friends, make friends easily, do well at work with people etc, if anyone has a problem with me that is a Them Issue and not mine.

If it hurts: i cover it up as best i can or remove myself from the conversation.

On occasion i have waited for a pause then said: Why are you trying to ruin my fun / plans?

OP - go away with your daughter and enjoy the trip. Or learn from your mistakes. At least you have someone to share that with.

She sounds unhinged.

You definitely need to develop a thicker skin though.

Not read all the replies in case this has been said (and I'm projecting here having had my own arsehole-ex-husband) - I wonder if it hit a nerve because your husband has undermined your confidence and you have concluded she has a point?

Please don't let her get under your skin, she does sound like she has a lot of issues. Your holiday will be a lovely break. There are places in the world that I would want a chaperone/someone with local knowledge - Spain is NOT one of them! I say that as someone who is fairly timid and has travelled abroad alone.

I’ve learnt from MN that some women can get very jealous if they think you have things slightly better than them.

She perhaps can’t afford to go away or doesn’t have a good relationship with her daughter and so was jealous and tried to put a downer on your happiness.

I would have turned around and said how much of a shame it was that she felt she couldn’t go anywhere without her DH and if the marriage ends then that means she’ll never go on holiday again. I’d have said how she needs to loosen up and live a little.

What does she think lesbian couples do or single parents.

As long as you’re not constantly bragging about how amazing your life is, then she just sounds jealous and bitter.
Misery loves company.

The comments about the holiday sound to me the sort of thing someone who is quite anxious and nervous and with an exaggerated view of the dangers of the world might make, rather than someone 'jealous' or otherwise being 'off' in the rather vague way you believe women tend to be towards you. Women are not all the same and each woman will behave in a different way in accordance with her personality, some nicer more inclusive and socially skilled than others. I highly doubt you have some special thing about you that inspires other women to jealousy and/or dismissive behaviour.

In groups like this you usually find some arseholes unfortunately. Please pay her no mind and enjoy your holiday. Don't let her rain on your parade.

She sounds batshit.

Think of the hundreds of thousands of people that holiday in Spain, many going time and time again.
But she thinks no one should go ever because she had a crap time there?
TBF, with her attitudes she probably has a crap time everywhere.

You need to have some critical judgement of people you meet - letting yourself get upset by someone with such bizarre opinions is madness.

As someone who has travelled for extended periods alone, worked in foreign countries with a different language multiple times alone, moved to a new city alone, bought a home alone and (gasp!) been to Spain alone, I would laugh in the face of anyone who said this to me.

what an absolute lunatic!

I wouldn’t let her upset you, given she’s quite clearly talking absolute tripe.

You’re going to Spain, not Syria.

And the whole country is written off because she had a bad holiday?

And as for going everywhere with her husband, I hadn’t realised the group was in 1923.

She sounds deeply insecure, and deeply unpleasant with it. Just ignore her.

For your part, don’t listen to the opinion of somebody who you wouldn’t ask for advice.

also, you aren’t the only one witnessing this woman’s behavior, and her shitty behavior doesn’t reflect on you in the slightest.

enjoy your trip away with your daughter and don’t give her a second thought

The best description Ive ever heard is “they’re wearing shit tinted spectacles”.

Nothing will ever work for some people. There will always be a moan, problem, phantom, rumour, gripe, cost etc.
They don’t even know they’re doing it. Be grateful you’ve clocked her and steer clear.

Hope you have a great holiday.

Some people have narrow lives and weird ideas

Yep. That's all there is to it.

I'm an enthusiastic solo woman traveler. I backpack independently in long haul countries that aren't always easy. My friends and acquaintances are used to it now, but when I started I got all kinds of warnings and silly advice from people who couldn't understand why is do such a thing. But it didn't occur to me let it get to me. And not should you.

You're having a lovely trip with your daughter to a perfectly safe and lovely country. She just doesn't get it, and obviously has some problems with social skills. There's no reason at all for you to cry about it.

If this happens again, remember these responses,
"You seem nice" and "you OK, hun?"
She sounds jealous and bitter.

I've been on several holidays with female friends, and whenever I've been on holiday it's been obvious that there are plenty of women travelling either on their own or with other women. This person is totally batshit. If her husband were to leave/die tomorrow, I somehow doubt that she is planning to give up going on holiday. Ignore her.

Go to Spain with your Daughter, it will be a lovely peaceful break. Come back and tell her what a fantastic time you both had.

She's jealous OP. Sounds like one of those women who can't do anything without her husband in tow and wants to put you down because you're not a total wuss like her. You're going to Spain FFS, not some 3rd world country! Enjoy your holiday and come up with some good put downs before you see her next.

She is bonkers. Does she think "Spain" is a large homogenous mass?

Benidorm or Malaga are completely different to Madrid or Barcelona or Vigo or Bilbao. Where did she go compared to where you are going?

Just go and have an amazing time!

I voted YABU as you are giving far too much headspace to the opinions of random people and from your post it's not the first time it's happened - why do you assume it's a problem you are causing rather than some people are just bonkers. It's not healthy to ruminate over the actions of other people.

Yes its interesting that people always say ‘but no one ever told me’ however anyone that ever shares a negative experience of something is at best classed as socially inept and at worst classed as a bitter, jealous horrible person. Why we all have to be experts at trying to read in between the lines of what other people are saying 🤣 in some countries it is more socially acceptable to be truthful. Really think it’s social ineptitude in this case as what she really needed to do was just say hmm.. yes we went there once, well hope you both have a nice time. Win win for her, no lying or offence caused but your just left wondering did she actually have a nice time and why didn’t she etc

Roll your eyes and move on next time. Just say 'I don't agree but everyone is entitled to their own opinion' and try to move the subject on. Some people just like to ruin everything for others and make them miserable. Go and have a lovely holiday with your daughter.