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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

254 replies

Wheresmemum · 27/11/2023 00:30

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

OP posts:
Mummadeze · 28/11/2023 19:32

Hi, just to say I have travelled extensively with my DD alone and she is autistic and has anxiety. I took her to LA and Hawaii for a friend’s wedding when she was 4. We have been to Spain twice on our own, as well as Denmark and Turkey. I have never had any problems apart from her anxiety which we have managed. I also have an AH and travelling without him is a million times easier. Hope you have a good time.

H007 · 28/11/2023 19:51

YANBU she was just jealous.

changeme4this · 28/11/2023 19:54

I definitely think there are more odd bods in the world these days. Not a covid thing, long prior to that.

i moved to DH’s country of birth and joined a women’s group in hope of making new friends and felt I had offended a small, related group of them.

None of them are of DH’s era so nothing from his past, and I really stressed over why. in the end I just couldn’t be bothered to keep trying and stick to my own company and that of our earlier friends.

try not to pay her any mind. You will make your own fun while away. She might be one of these permanently glum people who have to rain on everyone’s parade.

Original poster
Wheresmemum · 28/11/2023 21:08

@exaltedwombat 🤣🤣🤣 love this! I'll be telling that to others!

OP posts:
Hmrk · 28/11/2023 21:37

She sounds mad. I’ve travelled around South America just me and my (girl) friend. And many other countries with other friends who have been girls. I even have a friend who travelled around India alone. You’ll be fine.

girlfriend44 · 28/11/2023 21:45

The world isn't perfect, people say things, it's how you react?

Why bother going home and crying Her opinion is not important.

angelfacecuti75 · 28/11/2023 22:02

My mum in law lives in Spain.
There is notjing that dangerous about Spain really over any country.
It is dead hot in Summer (that's not a shocker really...). I have heard about some scams called "hugger muggers" where a woman will pretend she is upset if you have flashy gold chains and put her arms around a man's neck and rob him at same time.
Other than that it is just like any EU country.
I don't see what, her prob is other than a) being a bit old fashioned & 2) possibly being green with envy. Just go ...don't let her get to you. She's talking bs....

OldPerson · 28/11/2023 22:43

Yes - People pleasers generally have reasons for low self-esteem/lack of confidence, but just want happiness for everyone. They're appreciated by so many people. And yet this other group moves through social situations - the opinionated. The ones who just want to vent at the people they can get away with venting at. Which is usually targetting the people pleasers, who just feel caught in a rip-tide when the onslaught is going on. You realise you're being bullied, but you don't want it to escalate. She walked all over you, to the extent you feel you need support afterwards. Just be grateful you're not miserable and angry like her - and stop distracting yourself. If you have an AH at home - finding solutions to manage that are more important. You'll feel far more resourceful and creative in Spain with your daughter and different perspectives and better weather.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 28/11/2023 22:44

Wheresmemum · 27/11/2023 00:30

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

I’ve clicked YABU - to let this obvious jealous woman get to you. Tell her it’s none of her business and not every experience is the same.

don’t let her put you off or ruin it for you!!!

Mamanyt · 28/11/2023 23:36

This proves the old saying, "There's one in every group." You've met yours, and can now safely ignore anything she says. Who knows why she doesn't like you, better yet, who cares? And it is clear that she lives her life in fear of "what ifs," and wants you to do so, as well. Ignore the silly cow, and enjoy the rest of them, AND enjoy your holiday.

Original poster
Wheresmemum · 29/11/2023 01:52

@changeme4this I'm sorry to hear about your experience with the women's group. And also interested to know more if you don't mind. What was the group like? Did they all know each other quite well? What did you think of them? I'm genuinely interested in group dynamics (yes I'm a people watcher 😊) x

OP posts:
changeme4this · 29/11/2023 07:35

Wheresmemum it was a newly formed group for local women in a certain sector bringing them together monthly to hear professionals speak, training, support of charitable causes etc.

yes the two organisers knew of each other although not long term. They be would be on speaking terms now, but one departed the group and it was her collection of women that I felt I had caused offence to, despite barely a word being exchanged with them.

changeme4this · 29/11/2023 07:39

being new to the area I hadn’t the chance to meet them nor form opinions, I was just keen to meet people who I had hoped would be on friendly terms with.

16 years on and I can’t be bothered now. One lady I knew before moving said to me once keep your friendships outside of the area. I took that to mean don’t allow anyone close by know your business…

2tired2talk · 29/11/2023 12:19

My guess is that you are probably an open and friendly person with a sensitive side (really great qualities). Over many years I have worked out that positivity hacks off the cynical girls and they gain (only) five minutes of feeling superior when they spot that they have burst your smiley bubble. When you have a sensitive nature it is imperative to distance yourself from that type of person; please do not try to ingratiate yourself with her.

Original poster
Wheresmemum · 29/11/2023 13:00

@2tired2talk thanks for this and I think you're right. Also, I decided a while ago never to ingratiate myself to cynical people and those who try to bring others down. If I ever see her again I'll be very polite and distant! I really don't want people like that in my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wheresmemum · 29/11/2023 13:01

@changeme4this sounds like that woman was talking from experience! I'm guessing she had issues with that group too! (Issues stemming from them).

OP posts:
Verv · 29/11/2023 13:12

She sounds like a total mood hoover.
Ignore her and enjoy your holiday!

Original poster
Wheresmemum · 29/11/2023 15:27

@Verv 🤣🤣🤣 "mood hoover" love it!

OP posts:
SnozPoz · 30/11/2023 09:20

This is a problem that she has. Who can tell what that might be. Don't let it get to you... have a wonderful holiday with your daughter, I've done that lots and it's great!

wuvoobee · 30/11/2023 09:31

Well, hello Mr Shit Weasel!

fluffiphlox · 30/11/2023 09:34

She sounds like a nutter and you’re bonkers to take any notice. Have a good holiday.

Original poster
Wheresmemum · 01/12/2023 00:58

@wuvoobee 🤣🤣🤣 If I ever see her again I'll visualise this image!

OP posts:
wuvoobee · 01/12/2023 07:04

Wheresmemum · 01/12/2023 00:58

@wuvoobee 🤣🤣🤣 If I ever see her again I'll visualise this image!

Exactly - have fun with this! 😂

My mother is a piss ferret. Recently, she was pissing all over me, related to Christmas. She's a narc who gets like this every year. Luckily, we're 1000s miles apart. I can see I'll be making plenty use of this image myself!

Silverfoxette · 02/01/2024 01:35

it’s not you, it’s her. Something about you has triggered her 🤷🏻‍♀️ remind yourself of that whenever you feel upset about her. I’m dealing with someone similar in work currently and it has helped me to have her figured out, she’s intimidated by me and makes her feel better to try to undermine me. I’m better able to deal with her having this mindset

Original poster
Wheresmemum · 03/01/2024 22:54

I think you've got this spot on @Silverfoxette I actually thought about this too! Also just an update for everyone. Me and my daughter went to Spain and had an amazing time! So much so that we've decided to make it a regular thing, getting some winter sun in December! We're thinking Morocco next year! 🤩 I also posted some of my loveliest and most fabulous pics of Spain on the WhatsApp group that both myself and nasty weasel are on! It was very telling that she was the one that didn't comment, which I found amusing! What's the nasty weasel at your workplace like @Silverfoxette ?

OP posts: