Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

254 replies

Wheresmemum · 27/11/2023 00:30

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 27/11/2023 05:33

You're being snippy, OP.

You asked if YWBU. Some people thought you were, although most thought you weren't.

So why are you kicking off at being told by a few that you are overreacting.

There will always be parents you don't like. There will always be kids you don't like.

But to be awake and fuming over a grabby kid at a party? Come on, you need to toughen up and not sweat the small stuff.

Look at it this way: the venue laid on food for X number of children. The cousin wasn't part of the original cohort but were you charged extra by the venue? You didn't say you were so I'm guessing not. So no harm done. I doubt another DC was deprived of food. You also made a big point of stipulating no pressies etc so this mum was taking you at your word. I'm sure your DC had a great time and this presence of this DC had no impact at all.

Don't worry about it. In a few years time you'll have sussed out who the kids from nice families like yours are and who the scratters are and can exclude the latter from any invites.. Hmm

WandaWonder · 27/11/2023 05:34

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/11/2023 05:33

You're being snippy, OP.

You asked if YWBU. Some people thought you were, although most thought you weren't.

So why are you kicking off at being told by a few that you are overreacting.

There will always be parents you don't like. There will always be kids you don't like.

But to be awake and fuming over a grabby kid at a party? Come on, you need to toughen up and not sweat the small stuff.

Look at it this way: the venue laid on food for X number of children. The cousin wasn't part of the original cohort but were you charged extra by the venue? You didn't say you were so I'm guessing not. So no harm done. I doubt another DC was deprived of food. You also made a big point of stipulating no pressies etc so this mum was taking you at your word. I'm sure your DC had a great time and this presence of this DC had no impact at all.

Don't worry about it. In a few years time you'll have sussed out who the kids from nice families like yours are and who the scratters are and can exclude the latter from any invites.. Hmm

Wrong thread?

MassageForLife · 27/11/2023 05:37

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/11/2023 05:33

You're being snippy, OP.

You asked if YWBU. Some people thought you were, although most thought you weren't.

So why are you kicking off at being told by a few that you are overreacting.

There will always be parents you don't like. There will always be kids you don't like.

But to be awake and fuming over a grabby kid at a party? Come on, you need to toughen up and not sweat the small stuff.

Look at it this way: the venue laid on food for X number of children. The cousin wasn't part of the original cohort but were you charged extra by the venue? You didn't say you were so I'm guessing not. So no harm done. I doubt another DC was deprived of food. You also made a big point of stipulating no pressies etc so this mum was taking you at your word. I'm sure your DC had a great time and this presence of this DC had no impact at all.

Don't worry about it. In a few years time you'll have sussed out who the kids from nice families like yours are and who the scratters are and can exclude the latter from any invites.. Hmm

I want to know what thread you are replying to!

Yoyoban · 27/11/2023 05:43

Ya - absolutely -bu to let someone who is plainly batshit get to you this much. Which century is she living in that she thinks women can't travel without men?

Mothership4two · 27/11/2023 05:45

She sounds like she was being deliberately snitty. Was she a time traveller from Victorian times because her attitude is? Worrying about woman travelling alone? And to Spain? One of the the most popular destinations. Lots of my friends go on holidays with their daughters. I have been to Belgium, Holland, Ireland and Portugal with my mum. When I was 19 I travelled through Spain with my best friend to some of the more untouristy areas - this was back in the 80s - no issues, but occasional curiousity. DNiece travelled extensively throughout her 20s solo visiting evey continent except Antartica.

I wouldn't overthink her daft comments

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 27/11/2023 05:46

I'm not sure why you'd let the opinion of a random woman affect your holiday plans.

Spain is fine. Where are you going? I went to Barcelona for the first time in a long time in the summer and it was a bit grubby and stank of drains.

momonpurpose · 27/11/2023 05:48

Please. If I didn't travel alone with my daughter I'd never travel. I guess we should stop until I find a dh. Some people just thrive on being negative. Have a wonderful trip! Tell her all about how fabulous it was when you return!

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/11/2023 05:50

Ignore, she is just a nasty little Piss Ferret who skitters about pissing all over anything anyone else likes, is planning on doing, has enjoyed etc etc.

Piss Ferrets are the sorts of people who really enjoy bringing others down, spoiling things for them and spreading negativity all over. If you ever go anywhere with them you find they are so determined that everything is shit they spoil it for themselves too so they will have a shite time wherever they go, whatever they do.

Lots of Spain is lovely, two adult women traveling together is not a significant risk, unless you're planning on splitting up, getting wankered and stripping and then having a snooze down a dark alley with your cash, bank cards, credit cards and passport laid out around you.

Sparklesocks · 27/11/2023 05:57

In groups of people you don’t know well, there will always be some you don’t gel with very well, or don’t like at all. That’s okay, just don’t let it get to you and focus your time with people you do like. Try and spend more time with others in the group.

Obviously going to Spain as two women is safe and you’ll be fine and have a fab time. If she can’t go anywhere without her husband that’s her issue, not yours. Don’t let her rain on your parade. Some people just have a chip on their shoulder.

Mikimoto · 27/11/2023 05:57

Try to step back and look at it logically: if this awful, awful woman thinks Spain is terrible, the chances are that YOU will love it!!

Mothership4two · 27/11/2023 06:02

Makes a note for future use: Piss Ferrets

Autieangel · 27/11/2023 06:11

I've done similar social events. There's always one or two people that are a bit lacking socially or to be less polite a bit unhinged.

Next time just let her talk, don't take it in and at the end in a dead pan voice go "thank you " and move away or start a new conversation. You will notice it won't just be you she does it with.

And have a lovely holiday!

OzziePopPop · 27/11/2023 06:28

So she never goes out without her husband and yet was at a women’s social event…. Presumably without her husband? OMG the risk she took! Or was he under the table on his lead? 🐕

silly woman, Spain is lovely! I’m sure you’ll have a fantastic time 🍸

wuvoobee · 27/11/2023 06:33

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/11/2023 05:50

Ignore, she is just a nasty little Piss Ferret who skitters about pissing all over anything anyone else likes, is planning on doing, has enjoyed etc etc.

Piss Ferrets are the sorts of people who really enjoy bringing others down, spoiling things for them and spreading negativity all over. If you ever go anywhere with them you find they are so determined that everything is shit they spoil it for themselves too so they will have a shite time wherever they go, whatever they do.

Lots of Spain is lovely, two adult women traveling together is not a significant risk, unless you're planning on splitting up, getting wankered and stripping and then having a snooze down a dark alley with your cash, bank cards, credit cards and passport laid out around you.

😂

Great advice though and I have now added "nasty little Piss Ferret" to my lexicon!

wuvoobee · 27/11/2023 06:38

You've had great advice here, OP.

Now, next time you meet a PF 😆(Piss Ferret) have a few snappy comebacks to metaphorically slap them down with. They'll be shocked they got a reaction and back off and not tangle with you again.

Just out of interest, Spain was the second most visited country in the world in 2019, with 83.7 million tourists! COVID messed with subsequent stats of course.

Therefore, this random not liking Spain is neither here nor there. Really, she sounds so miserable that if she had a bad time there, I'd guess the fault lay with her to be honest.

Go to Spain with your lovely daughter and have a ball!

Remember this for the future: You don't have to keep misery company.

Yekaterinap · 27/11/2023 06:40

Did you actually get upset about this?

JellyIegs · 27/11/2023 06:43

My mum used to take me and my sister abroad, just us three, at least twice a year, after she and my dad divorced in the early 90s. Women who won’t do things without their husbands are living less than half a life. You will be totally fine and you’ll have a great time.

Try not to spend more time thinking about her. If you see her again before you go and she has anything else to say, just tell her you’re really looking forward to the trip (and tell her something ruder in your head!). I’d maybe go with something like ‘well we’re brave girls and we’re so excited to have an adventure together in the sun’ [you silly cow].

Viva España!

(edit typo)

Wallywobbles · 27/11/2023 06:47

I've gone to Spain every year with my Dds since they were 5&6. Now 17&18. Never had any issues. People are lovely like every where.

squashi · 27/11/2023 06:53

YANBU of course, but try not to let it get to you so much in future. Smile, nod, don't engage, shrug it off.

Puffypuffin · 27/11/2023 06:57

Someone at work hates me. I had no idea why because we work in different departments and only really together very occasionally in the staff room. I left cakes in the staff room a couple of weeks ago as it was my birthday and I walked in behind her as she took one. She asked who they were from and when someone said they were from me she said 'Ew god no' and put the cake back and walked out. 😂 It was so weird. I now know (through a friend) that she loathes me because I'm Scottish and her ex boyfriend left her for a Scottish woman. So, er, there you go. Not much I can do about that really and it's so pathetic I won't even try. 🤷

MayThe4th · 27/11/2023 06:59

Yabu. As are those on this thread who are pandering to this overreaction by branding the woman as nasty and spiteful and whatever other names people seem to see fit to attach to people these days.

The woman sounds a bit of a prat and the type most would roll their eyes at, go home and say “wtf was she about?”

Nasty? Vindictive? Jealous? All ridiculous assumptions.
Doesn’t mean she has to be likeable but it certainly doesn’t warrant the level of name calling on this thread.

And seriously, going home and crying over a stupid comment to the extent you’re re-thinking your plans? If you’re that sensitive then TBH she may be right, and travelling alone may well not be something I would recommend you do.

Redebs · 27/11/2023 07:00

Some people are just like that. They get a kick out of belittling others and generally saying mean things.

I've seen a few of them in action.

Don't let her get under your skin. Avoid talking with her if you can and be ready with a kind word for her next victim, because she will move on to someone else if you don't take the bait.

CharlotteRumpling · 27/11/2023 07:01

I travel the world solo, including in Asia. It wouldn't occur to me to cry if someone told me it was dangerous. You need to be more thick skinned.

sollenwir · 27/11/2023 07:01

samestyle · 27/11/2023 00:38

Some people get jealous when they hear you have got exciting plans and want to rain on your parade, mixed with ignorance that just because they didn't enjoy it once upon a time, which is ridiculous because everyone experiences things differently. I'm sure you will have a lovely break with your daughter. If this lady is causing you to be upset then don't hang around people like this or join a different group.

This

nottaotter · 27/11/2023 07:09

She has made herself look nuts and I would have sat back let her go on and found it amusing. You will have an amazing time with your DD its a lovely thing to do.

I would maybe have a think to yourself why a total strangers comments would make you start to rethink your plans, plans that are completely normal and run of the mill. It would be different if you were planning a trip to somewhere unstable and a stranger took you to one side and tactfully mentioned a few genuine safety concerns. Have faith in your own descions.

Swipe left for the next trending thread