To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

[Wheresmemum]

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

One-word...JEALOUS

Id have said oh im so sorry you had a bad time, I'm pretty sure that's not normal with the amount of people holidaying in Spain multiple times, I'm sure the chances of me having the same issues there as you are remote. statistically....

You are only unreasonable to let her get to you.
Spain is perfectly safe and it will be lovely going with your daughter.
As the Americans say "don't let her rain on your parade!".

You'll always get gobby women in these type of groups. Just smile and crack on with what you're doing, never let someone you don't know put you off doing anything.............

You’re only being unreasonable by letting this jealous, overly cautious woman get to you!
Don’t give her comments a moment more of your thoughts, she really doesn’t sound like someone whose opinion is relevant.

Spain is far safer than the uk for a start

She is jealous of you in someway , perhaps she doesn't have a good relationship with her children to be going away with them , maybe she is stuck with a jealous husband who doesn't "allow" her to do things by herself.

You do need to challenge her comments

Turn it back on to her?

"Really? You've never travelled without a man? How unusual! "

Frankly to be allowing her this head space is lunacy

Spain is far safer than the uk for a start

She is jealous of you in someway , perhaps she doesn't have a good relationship with her children to be going away with them , maybe she is stuck with a jealous husband who doesn't "allow" her to do things by herself.

You do need to challenge her comments

Turn it back on to her?

"Really? You've never travelled without a man? How unusual! "

Frankly to be allowing her this head space is lunacy

Have you time travelled to the 1950s? What a bizarre attitude she has!

I've just been to Lanzarote on my own. There's no reason why you're any less safe in any part of Spain than the UK.

This woman is evidently a drama llama - you are being unreasonable for paying her the slightest bit of mind. I'd hazard a guess that she's one of those people who just has to make everything about her, and it's not that she doesn't like you. But who cares whether she does or not anyway?

She sounds like a very bitter and unpleasant woman. You'll have a brilliant time in Spain. I've travelled all over Spain alone. It's perfectly safe and it's a wonderful country.

This is a simple issue: the woman is a nasty bitch.

if you stay at the social group, ignore her. Don’t make nice with her, don’t try and “fix” it.

and go with your dd to Spain. No issue. I went abroad with my dd last summer. No issue.

I'm also thinking the group are dropping comments such as "isn't new lady Wheresmemum lovely?", and Mrs Angry is seething for whatever reason.
Sadly, some people are just twats, and you just have to smile sweetly and move over to the seats with the nice people.
And I'd just burst out laughing at the holiday comments. If she didn't research the place she was going to, to see if it suited, that's her lookout!
Of course, if I was snidey, I'd also be tempted to answer something along the lines of "oh, I'm sure we'll be fine. When WE go abroad, we actually prefer to stay in NICE hotels". :o)))

I went to South America with my mum when I was about your DDs age. we went white water rafting, walked through jungles and up mountains, slept in some fairly skanky hotels and a couple of nice ones, took long bus journeys and internal flights.. and all that against our luggage getting lost by airline and mums purse being g stolen in Ecaudor. we had a great time and kof
often found as 2 women we were treated with greatest respect and in fact in almost a protective way by many men.

Just go. ignore the silly jealous woman ( and i bet it's jealousy) and enjoy your holiday

She's projecting. She doesn't know anything about you and it's something in her, not you, which is causing her to make negative comments. Don't let her spoil your plans.

I've had the same in the past too - people only too ready to overstep. I don't know why they do it, but some people can't help but be unkind or unpleasant to pleasant, open people. It happens far less now, I'm still pleasant but underneath I am less open to being hurt by people who don't matter. If it's someone I don't care about, I genuinely don't care what they say. (One of the advantages of getting older, for me).

She was BU to be such a raging twunt but YABU to let it get to you so much.

We meet dick heads in life. We don't allow those dick heads to ruin things we've been looking forward to or let them get in your head.

Just accept the fact the the woman is a weirdo and stay away from her.

Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too

What all of Spain

So basically, she's dissing a whole country on the basis of one week there. Mmmmm

I mean, it's true that I needed a man on holiday in Devon last week, but only because he drives and I don't. But I could have managed.....

Mind you, I've got a friend like this. You will say A. She will say B - almost as though it is the first thought through her head. And she will paint herself into a corner with B and not really listen to what you say. Can be quite tiring. X

That would be such a non issue for most people. She’d be closed down with a “that’s a shame you had a bad experience but I’m sure we’ll love it. I’m very excited” and the conversation would move on.

I suspect she picked up on the fact that you lack confidence and some people feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better. It might not even be a conscious decision on her part. But it isn’t a very nice trait.

Let it go. Think she’s just a strange woman and be reassured that most of the other people there (if they are sane, normal women) though that she was odd too.

I’m not sure she’s the issue, yes she was an arsehole , they walk amongst us, but the fact it made you cry and let it go on, seems concerning. I get I’m quite mouthy but I’d have simply shut it down, but even if I couldn’t, I can’t imagine crying about it. The fact you were so impacted by it you went home cried, is a concern.

You get oddballs everywhere but you really need to learn not to focus on what a single negative person says. You know what she’s like now so answer her dismissively next time and turn away and talk to someone else.
I doubt anyone cares what she thinks and chances are that the other members of the group will also be fed up with her too.

I’ve been on plenty of trips away with my DS and without DH and we always have a great time.

Look forward to your holiday and stop listening to the negative numpties.

More fool her if she'd never go anywhere without her husband. She'll have a pretty boring life if she ever ends up widowed like me or he leaves her.

When you are faced with this type of woman again -as we all do from time to time - I would be immediately patronising:
"Ah bless you sweetheart, you wouldn't travel without a man? You must have had some terrible experiences love? Hopefully as the years go by you can come out of your shell maybe? There's a big world put there "
Unfortunately I always think about this several hours later..
It will royally piss her off 😂
Some women are total cows and it often is pure jealousy.
There's something about you she subconsciously covets.

The woman sounds unpleant and is obviously talking shite.

But YABU to try and make this a comment on women in general. Women don't like "nice" people? What hellish new misogynistic trope is this? This thread is littered with more misogyny. Women are cows, jealous, bitches, petty... it's all bullshit. Oppressive, offensive bullshit that you should not believe nor perpetuate. This woman and her behaviour are not reflective of her entire sex class.

I disagree that she's jealous. She's obviously just a very anxious person, and opinionated, and thinks everyone should behave the way she does. Batshit. SIL can be a bit like this about child safety - total meltdowns about random things and completely oblivious to how OTT she is and how insulting she is as she's ranting away about parents letting their children do things that we, and almost every family we know, do.

On the other hand, you are way too sensitive if a random woman ranting irrationally has made you this insecure. It sounds like you have a wanker of a husband so I suspect you're a bit on edge anyway because of that, but you should definitely think about how to manage that better.

You let her remarks get to you because you have issues with your arsehole husband. Sort that situation out and you'll doubtless find life easier in all sorts of lovely ways.