To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

[Wheresmemum]

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

Me and my mum went on holiday to Spain when I was 20. It's the only holiday she's had without my dad for 50 years. We had a brilliant time. So will you!
Some people are just dicks and/or they speak without thinking. Take no notice of her.

I wonder if this lady was the same woman who had a holiday in Spain and decided she didn't like it because it was full of Spanish people. I

She sounds like a right negative Nelly, by all accounts.

I have experience of a few women's social groups as I moved around frequently (DH was in the military). Unfortunately there is usually at least one woman there who is the common denominator in all her past failed friendships. Hopefully this woman is just nervous or muddled well intended words but if she is that type just take what she says with a pinch of salt and hope that she finds some reason to stomp away from the group soon (she will eventually!).

She sounds like a right ninny if she can’t imagine going on holiday without a male chaperone! Don’t let her hangups and weird opinions deter you. I’ve been away with my Mum plenty of times—including to Spain—and we always have a fab time, as will you!

Don’t pay her any mind, some people are just odd and enjoy visiting that on others.

Daft woman!
I've just come back from a weekend away in Europe, flew by myself, don't speak the language ..it was fab!
And 5 years ago my DD2 and I took off round the USA for 8 weeks by ourselves!
Had a great time, with a few dodgy moments along the way. I'd never have gone with Dh... great guy but likes an itinerary.. we just went where we pleased and when!

Enjoy your holiday!

Well, she made herself look bad, didn’t she?
Whatever her motives, forget what she’s said, give her a wide berth in future and continue to look forward to your holiday.

This woman sounds nasty and miserable, which explains why she had a horrible trip to Spain. Focus on planning your trip with your daughter and put what she said out of your mind.

With people like this, the best and only way to deal with them is to match their energy, in my experience.

So the next time you see her and she starts shitting on something to do with you again, you turn it back on her. You don’t have to be nasty or rude when you do this, either. But you firmly turn it back around so the criticism she placed on you, is placed back on her.

She’ll be embarrassed but people like that do, unfortunately, need to be reminded on occasion that their opinion isn’t gospel and that it’s completely unacceptable to be so rude.

Own what you talk about. Be confident and self assured in your own choices and decisions. She sounds like the type of person to be miserable about everything, don’t let her get to you.

Her behaviour is built from a place of insecurity and jealousy. Keep that in mind.

She sounds jealous of the attention you were getting.

She’s the one with the problem … Your holiday sounds great! Enjoy!

I don’t understand why you have even given this woman’s opinion any thought let alone let it upset you . Weird .

She sounds like a knob but also you need a thicker skin if a total strangers opinion on your holiday made you cry.

Asking if it’s a “woman” problem is weird too.

Ignore her nonsense. She's eaten ip with jealousy that you 1) are having a girls' holiday with your adult daughter and 2) it's in sunny Spain.

Spain is a lovely country full of friendly people. Think Ireland without the rain. It is perfectly safe although thieves operate in the touristy places like everywhere else. The only warning I'd give is to not go to Seville in high summer as it's way too hot! The Spanish refer to Seville as Spain's frying pan!

You and your daughter are going to have a lovely time .

I am part of a few solo women's travel groups on fb - they are very inspirational , women travelling all over the world by themselves. joining one of them might help reassure you?

some people just enjoy raining on other people's parades

I'm not the OP but I think that happy healthy well balanced kind and loving people get really upset when someone who's a vicious deranged pompous bully home in on something they value and group shame them.

It speaks to group dynamics and it wounds nice people to the core because it's primal stuff. It's a shock to the system if one hasn't experienced it before (or leastways not since infant school). OP was out trying to socialise with a new group and got rounded on and target for no reason whatsoever. That hurts. And the subject at hand was something dear and precious to them.

This is why bullies, toxic people, narcs, bitches, or whatever one wishes to call them do real harm to innocent decent people. For me, I've been around the block a few times, I've met a heck of a lot of weird and wonderful people, and I'm jaded and experienced enough in the ways of dysfunctional hateful people that it's all par for the course but even then I get dismayed. They take the shine off things. It's important if one witnesses this crap to stand beside the victim and support them. If they're upset it's because they're nice.

It's always jealousy.

She sounds ridiculous- but i do know women who "need' a man with them and she doesn't seem to know when to keep her mouth shut. But you have massively overreacted to what was one person's opinion and which wasn't nasty as far as I can see - why do you care?

In my vast, it's def women who pull this BS, usually older ones. I'm yet to notice men do it and I've get to notice younger people do it.

The woman is a massive C but I think you are too sensitive. Why would her comments make you go home and doubt your holiday plans?

Woman up!!

I don't know what's more insans original issues that get posted or the fact 'jealously'is endlessly used to excuse the behaviour

Who has the more issues to resolve the original odd person or the 'it has to be jealous' person

It's weird

I haven't heard that word for years. Love it lol

I was taught a technique many years ago when having serious issues with letting people's comments and behaviour drag me down and destroy my self worth and happiness, especially my verbally abusive In laws, who would do anything to beat me down:

'Imagine their comments as physical writing in the air, bouncing off mirrors surrounding you, and back towards them'.

I thought it was a bit woo, but it taught me to recognise that comments (or actions) reflect the other person's problems, and attitude, and I didnt have to 'absorb' them. Eventually IL's abusive comments and horrific behaviour didn't affect me at all, instead I thought IL's rather pathetic and sad. I also had the strength to got NC when MIL stepped it up to get a reaction, and forced DH to see their abuse and support me.

I'd also nip it in the bud with a positive comment 'I'm sorry you didn't enjoy Spain, but my DD and I are excited and prepared to enjoy it, whatever happens!' Don't acknowledge it further.

I recently went overseas (Vietnam) with my 20 year old daughter. Just the two of us gals. First time we have done it. It was amazing!

I agree it's shitty behaviour OP. Especially as it's a new group, and I imagine no-one shut this woman down?

Trouble is, if she's a bit of a narc/dominating type then no-one will want to cross her and she'll want to continue to play games.

She's probably targeted you OP as she sees you are a decent person, or is jealous for some reason, and there's no arguing with this kind of crazy behaviour unfortunately (and group dynamics mean people will side with her which will probably make you feel even lonelier).

Making friends as a female adult "going to things solo" is hard, and there's lots of weird people - sounds defeatist but I now tend to keep myself to myself to avoid this drama and shit. Life is much better.

Friends and social activities are there to build you up and make you feel great, and if they aren't doing that then they're not something to continue. How invested are you in this social group?

Rather save my money for things like holidays (I am also going to Spain and can't wait!) and chat on Mumsnet with a takeaway, than "social" nights out which often have some microaggression or drama attached.

Lol OP, some thing’s you just gotta let wash right over you.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the other people in the group found her harsh, crass and negative, tbh. she sounds it!

Spain is lovely! And how lucky you both are to be going away together. I think that’s fantastic, so lady might also be feeling a bit jealous of the bond?