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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

when asked how did you sleep, the correct answer is Fine thank you

330 replies

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:18

my dm stayed with me as were went away for the night to see dd

up early the day of departure, how did you sleep i asked, i had made her a hot water bottle
her answer was she kept being woken by someone going to the bathroom and the light making a noise

i thought that was the wrong answer and sets us off on a bad foot, just lie surely?
obviously that someone may well have been dh who does use the loo at night but he doesnt put the light on, nor does he flush
i came downstairs at 4.00 am myself due to early waking , possibly caused by DH but I never complain

would you have lied in this situation or is it fair enough to complain?

OP posts:
Ihaterhymingrabbit · 26/11/2023 07:20

If your own mother can’t give you an honest answer - who can?

LadyMacB · 26/11/2023 07:20

Yes, I’d have lied and said “fine”.

The same approach I take to “how are you?” questions - “fine”, or “all good thanks”, which are sometimes true, sometimes not.

No-one asks these questions wanting an honest or lengthy answer.

PurpleSky09 · 26/11/2023 07:22

I'm with you, it isn't that much of a big deal so if you didn't sleep well just lie and say you slept fine and move on. No point in causing a fuss moaning about people using the loo and whatever.

MigGirl · 26/11/2023 07:22

Well she's your mum, if you really don't want to know don't ask.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/11/2023 07:23

Don't ask if you don't want an honest answer

Desecratedcoconut · 26/11/2023 07:23

Don't ask if there's only one acceptable answer. It's a shitty test of compliance punished by a bad mood. What an awful way to treat a guest, let alone the woman who raised you.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:23

the morning after the the night away, i thought, i am not even going to ask - it is just a standard question.
i wont ask it in future.

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 26/11/2023 07:24

Why ask if you're not interested in hearing how someone slept?!

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:24

why was i awful @Desecratedcoconut ?

OP posts:
GoingOffOnATangent · 26/11/2023 07:24

I'm baffled why you ask if this is your opinion

Vallmo47 · 26/11/2023 07:25

If you don’t want the answer from your own mother, surely you don’t ask. I find this super odd… fair enough from an acquaintance or if asked by a waitress in a hotel, but you actually answer family members honestly right?
Likewise if I bump into a near stranger in street and they say “alright?” I just say the same back and keep walking. But if a family member asks I assume they’d actually like to know because they care.

DinkyDonkey2018 · 26/11/2023 07:25

I always lie and say I slept fine when I didn't. I'd feel rude complaining about anything given I've slept in someone's house for free Blush

junbean · 26/11/2023 07:25

I always lie in this situation or really anytime it might make the other person feel bad.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:25

@GoingOffOnATangent
just a standard morning question when someone has stayed with you - so i thought.
good morning, how are you, did you sleep well

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 26/11/2023 07:25

If I ask someone a question I want them be honest otherwise what is the point

Whataretheodds · 26/11/2023 07:25

Most people don't ever spend the night in their spare room so don't realise that the bed is limpy/curtains don't meet In the middle/the water tank rattles after someone flushes.

I'd expect an honest answer from my DM!

Desecratedcoconut · 26/11/2023 07:26

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:24

why was i awful @Desecratedcoconut ?

Because you are saying it's set you off on a bad foot, because she didn't pass your odd test with the correct response.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:26

it just seems to be an opportunity for her to have a dig at us

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 26/11/2023 07:27

Would you lie in a hotel if they asked if you'd slept well but you'd had trouble due to noise or some other disturbing factor?

GoodnightJude1 · 26/11/2023 07:27

When my DM stays overnight here I always ask how she’s slept. If she’s not slept well I’d rather know so I can see if there’s something I can change so she’ll sleep better the next night. Heating up/down, more pillows, clock that ‘ticks’ loudly taken out of the room etc…

If she said she’d not slept well I wouldn’t get in a grump about it….

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/11/2023 07:27

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:26

it just seems to be an opportunity for her to have a dig at us

Ah so you don't like her. That makes more sense

Magenta82 · 26/11/2023 07:28

Desecratedcoconut · 26/11/2023 07:23

Don't ask if there's only one acceptable answer. It's a shitty test of compliance punished by a bad mood. What an awful way to treat a guest, let alone the woman who raised you.

This, she is your mum it feels really mean to expect her to perform for you.

cryinglaughing · 26/11/2023 07:28

You're a better woman than me if your dh is waking you early on a regular basis and you haven't actually told him!!
Having disturbed sleep constantly is quite soul destroying, knowing that you are going to feel drained by the end of the day 😕

LolaSmiles · 26/11/2023 07:28

Why would someone answering the question put you off on a bad foot?

You're looking for things to be annoyed about OP. Why ask if you're going to be in a bad mood if the wrong answer is given?

Is there an impending drip feed coming about the relationship being awful?

SD1978 · 26/11/2023 07:30

Then don't ask. If you ask someone a question and yet expect a lie from them, don't ask in the first place.

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