when asked how did you sleep, the correct answer is Fine thank you

[Crumpetdisappointment]

my dm stayed with me as were went away for the night to see dd

up early the day of departure, how did you sleep i asked, i had made her a hot water bottle
her answer was she kept being woken by someone going to the bathroom and the light making a noise

i thought that was the wrong answer and sets us off on a bad foot, just lie surely?
obviously that someone may well have been dh who does use the loo at night but he doesnt put the light on, nor does he flush
i came downstairs at 4.00 am myself due to early waking , possibly caused by DH but I never complain

would you have lied in this situation or is it fair enough to complain?

i do think people should be people pleasers, dont rock the boat,
thank you for the nice meal. etc., be harmonious

I would always say ‘fine, thanks’ - unless we don’t receive the same in return. One set of guests always say something negative which there isn’t anything we can resolve - weather, noise from neighbours etc So I now make it clear that there’s a problem with their bedding choice at theirs which is entirely their decision. They changed something that great for something much worse because one of them thought it looks better.

I don't see answering a question asked as complaining (shrug). I do think your comment on trying to keep the peace on a long day telling and I'd imagine there's more to this in terms of you and your DM. Good you've moved on.

Sounds like you’re on edge about something else, hope you’re okay. Don’t take it out on your mum if you can help it, she was being honest.

Aka you think people should lie even if they were impacted by something?

You should probably work on that issue it's a terrible trait. Why do you think you can't be honest to people especially family? Do you lie to your DH and DD too?

My own dm is a chronic moaner about how terribly she slept. The thing is she never sleeps well but loves to find someone to blame. The reality is she was awake anyway when someone turned a light on, walked downstairs but just wants us all to apologise for ruining her non existent sleep. I don't bother asking any more.

This is not a healthy attitude OpP, not a healthy attitude at all.

I had the same happen to me when I asked my friend how she slept in my spare room, even though I know she’s just answering my question etc etc… I was a little put out 😄

If dh is going frequently at night, it is probably worth him getting checked out by a doctor, as I understand there are lots of things that could cause this including problems with prostrate gland.

thanks @Katy4321 he has
needs a revisit probably

Agree it's not a good trait, and I was one but work on it.
She's already said she doesn't complain herself to dh, and framed that as a good thing. I'd be saying I woke when you were up last night, can you try to be quieter please? Would really appreciate it. Grinning and bearing and pleasing isn't good for you OP.

oh i do complain to dh

I don't think so. I just see it as impolite to complain when you're a guest in someone's house. If you're paying for a hotel room and you had a crap night because of other guests or something else, then complain away.

Just wondering how your husband reacted to this comment from your mum?

Why? Nothing will ever change or improve if we all become people pleasers. And as soon as you become a people pleaser, others will take advantage.

So your own mum cant tell the truth to a simple question, even though her lack of sleep will affect her on this long day ahead? All in the name of being kind? Harmony?
Well fuck that.

People cannot always be pleasers, even when it comes down to food. Of course, if someone made me a meal, I would thank them for the meal, weather it tasted great or not.

However, what if someone went to the trouble of making you something that you were allergic to? Are you going to be offended if they turn around and say, sorry I can't eat that or would you expect them to please you and consume it anyway.

It really is not a good trait to have to lie to people to just please them.

i complain if dh comes downstairs in the night, the loo i dont hear, anyway we are all good
DM is a complainer I feel
i dont like to hear complaining
ibu apparently

i did suggest she sleep on the journey but Oh No Im not tired was her response. to my mind she just wanted to moan about my dh, she has form, yes but i will not ruminate

we got through it
roll on christmas - yikes

This is your own mum though, it's not like it's someone you're not close to.
If I was staying with a more distant relative or acquaintance then yes, of course I'd say I'd slept fine.
But this is your mum!
Why shouldn't she tell you how she slept when you ask?

I am really fed up with these kind of insincere questions! "how are you?" when you are not allowed to answer honestly can really make someone feel a whole lot worse. Feels like the OP setting up a trap

It pays them never to ask me, then, because I tell them.

I've actually said to people - "Is this causal courtesy, or are you really interested?"

"Er - casual courtesy"

"I'm fine, thanks. How are you?"

So you are allowed to complain to your DH about him keeping you awake, but your own mum cant?

This is obviously bigger than your OP, if you dont like your mum, manage it better, have her round less often, dont invite her to long day events, dont let her sleep over. But dont be angry if she answers a question hones.

What a bizarre thread!

if you don’t want to know, then don’t ask- simple.

YOU had to wake up at 4am yet your mum is the problem?

What the-? Talk to your husband and ask him to stop being so disruptive to the points that two people have had their sleep impacted.

Drink less water
Be quiet
See GP

“i expect he was embarrassed to apologise to dm”

what???

You said you don't.. came downstairs at 4.00 am myself due to early waking , possibly caused by DH but I never complain

This isn't the good thing you think it is.