when asked how did you sleep, the correct answer is Fine thank you

[Crumpetdisappointment]

my dm stayed with me as were went away for the night to see dd

up early the day of departure, how did you sleep i asked, i had made her a hot water bottle
her answer was she kept being woken by someone going to the bathroom and the light making a noise

i thought that was the wrong answer and sets us off on a bad foot, just lie surely?
obviously that someone may well have been dh who does use the loo at night but he doesnt put the light on, nor does he flush
i came downstairs at 4.00 am myself due to early waking , possibly caused by DH but I never complain

would you have lied in this situation or is it fair enough to complain?

I understand not wanting a detailed explanation of sleep but if someone had a poor interrupted sleep then expecting them to lie and say "yeah it was fine" it just incredibly rude and entitled.

But it reminds me why I hate these kinds of questions in the first place. Pointless niceties that serve no purpose

So it’s all right for you to complain to him, but not for your mum to mention it to you when you asked how she slept? Sounds hypocritical.

OP asked her Mum a question and then complained about the answer.

Then OP came on Mn asked a question and complained about the answer.

I'd stop asking questions OP, they don't suit your outlook.

I think it is fine to tell the truth - if I ever went away with my parents it took a day or two to work out the best way for us to not disturb each other in the night so it was fair to say what work or kept us up. I always want to know if there were any problems when someone stays with me in case there is something I can fix . On one occasion my cat had sneaked into the spare room where my friend had left the wardrobe door open. He obviously woke up from his wardrobe nap in the night and burst out, scaring the life out of my friend. I learned to tell people to keep doors closed when visiting!

This is really weird!! Why ask your mother the question if you don't want an honest answer? Delusional

It's not a question (ie a sentence designed to elicit information) though is it if you've predetermined what the answer should be!

Yabu and weird

Blimey, that was difficult to read without punctuation. And not worth it by the end either.

Unless he’s either diabetic, has an enlarged prostrate or some other medical condition that causes him to constantly urinate then I think he could be more considerate…
maybe stop drinking late at night and stopping caffeine !?!? It makes a huge difference and even he will will feel better for a good nights sleep without having to constantly urinate

When I last slept at my parents I was kept awake by a ticking clock that also chimed up until a certain time and then started again early am, I also had one of those annoying smelly things hissing every half hour as it sprayed a scent into the room!
I ended up moving the smelly to oposite end of the house
… in the morning mum asked if I’d slept ok and I told her I did once I’d found the smelly and thrown it out and the chiming ticking clock had stopped… hopefully when I stay again she’ll move the clock and smelly to another room or even better remove the batteries!

Don't ask if you don't want an answer.

Add me to the 'baffled brigade'.

So here's my input. It is customary in the UK for British people (who are globally reknowned for being uptight and weird) to say 'fine thank you' if asked a question. Especially if the person asking is only passing by 'hey how are you?' passing in the street a neighbour etc.

However it is not customary for people to say 'fine thank you' to family members and close friends if that's not true. If you asked me did you sleep well and I'm your friend or relative, I'm gonna tell you a brief truthful answer involving a fact or two.

I would not expect someone who doesn't care for the answer to ask me a question. If you don't care how I slept, don't ask!

Why would you expect her to lie, maybe she was disturbed by your DH going to the loo in the night.

I would rather be potentially woken by a flush than face a bowl of old wee in the morning. In my experience it smells and the toilet needs cleaning several times a week

But OP you are not the “the host” she’s your DM. She didn’t sleep well, you asked and she answered truthfully.

You wouldn’t ever ask again because she didn’t give a trite sycophantic answer to make you feel good about “hosting”?! Baffling.

Sirzy ·

and I have never had to be more charming than to my adult children because they are so sensitive. just say..it was lovely thanks.

Maybe they are so sensitive because they where raised to think you hide your true feelings to people please!

Haha if only. No the sensitivity only goes one way. Daughters apparently can say anything no matter how rude to mums...but woe behold if mums answer in similar vein. cf the OP, obviously full of negativity towards mum but very sensitive to mum telling her how it was.... therefore most mums use their edit button and roll their eyes whilst daughters are very critical. I tend to think it is a generational annoyance that their parent isn't perfect and they are angry about it. A kind of back-handed compliment. But in the end a bit of charm and politeness goes a long way even though it is only papering over the cracks.

Good Lord. I'd feel rough even if I'd had a good night's sleep!

Doesn't sound like you have a very warm/close relationship with your mum, to be honest. You're talking about her as if she's someone you barely know who had never set foot in your house before. I wouldn't really be asking my mum how she slept just because I'd been told it was the polite thing to ask a guest and then expecting her to give an equally polite answer. If I asked her, I'd be asking her because I was genuinely interested and hoped she'd had a good night. And if she said 'I woke up at one point when the loo flushed' I'd probably laugh and say 'Ah, sorry - that'll be DP with his middle-aged bladder'. I wouldn't be dwelling on it and fretting and talking about getting off on the wrong foot. Because she's my mum. I think you can probably be a bit less formal with someone who used to change your nappies.

I'm now retired - but I was a teacher and then a headteacher. Flexible work solutions were not an option!

I tried many, many things...

When I ask guests how they slept I genuinely mean it - I want to know if there was anything obvious interrupting their sleep so I can maybe do something about it the next night. Part of being a good host I think... I’d never expect or want them to lie!

Oooh well mystery solved! A hedteacher - what a position of responsibility! I used to be a chef in a nursing home during COVID and the days I was on, I was the only person on as in there were no kitchen assistants or other help with the food apart from people taking stuff out obviously. So if I didn't go in they wouldn't get fed (Obviously the care staff would have had to scramble something together). I used to sleep terribly thinking I had to get a good nights sleep. One night I remember I woke up at 2am after 2-3 hours sleep and just never back to sleep. I was in at 7.30am. Christ.

Why did you ask if you don't want the truth? 🤦‍♀️🤣

😂

"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!"

I think DM should be able to give an honest answer and for you not to be offended. It would be different if she was a normal guest. I recently had occasion to stay first at ds's shared university house and after that at dd1's home. The first night at ds's he had made attempts to be a good host eg provided a pillow in a clean pillowcase, albeit lumpy and put clean sheets on the bed. It was probably the worst night's sleep I'd ever had bar those with very young dc! I was freezing and the pillow was so uncomfortable. As I was staying for another 2 nights I had to tell ds about how cold I was but I down played the pillow issue. He had to leave early for a competition and I was meeting him later but he found a small heater for me and whilst he was away I went around all the radiators moving the thermostats to maximum. I then went and bought a new pillow. Result much better sleep and the next day he set the house heating properly ( heating was included in the rent).
Then I stayed with dd1 for the last 2 days, lovely made up bed etc. The next day she asked how I'd slept and I said fine. I lied, her pillows were very soft but not lumpy and I have a very sensitive nose and couldn't stand the smell of her laundry detergent so couldn't have it near my nose. Next night I rearranged the pillows and put a top of mine over the duvet that went near my face and on the pillow and I slept much better. I did mention her pillows were very soft and she said they had been in their room until they got new ones and probably needed replacing. I didn't mention the laundry detergent!