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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

when asked how did you sleep, the correct answer is Fine thank you

330 replies

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:18

my dm stayed with me as were went away for the night to see dd

up early the day of departure, how did you sleep i asked, i had made her a hot water bottle
her answer was she kept being woken by someone going to the bathroom and the light making a noise

i thought that was the wrong answer and sets us off on a bad foot, just lie surely?
obviously that someone may well have been dh who does use the loo at night but he doesnt put the light on, nor does he flush
i came downstairs at 4.00 am myself due to early waking , possibly caused by DH but I never complain

would you have lied in this situation or is it fair enough to complain?

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 26/11/2023 08:03

Unless there is some backstory about your mum being really negative and critical, I can't understand what the issue is, it was an honest reply.

Viviennemary · 26/11/2023 08:03

No I wouldn't have lied but said not that well actually.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:03

i have said i am sure he doesnt turn the lights on @YourNameGoesHere

ah well
the following morning i didnt ask, so lesson learnt
and a warning for future visits, provide ear plugs?
i get other people are annoying and the walls are thin

and yes, i mustn't be prickly about an honest answer but felt i had to stick up for the criticism, dh was sorry he woke anyone up

OP posts:
Namechange4234 · 26/11/2023 08:05

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:03

i have said i am sure he doesnt turn the lights on @YourNameGoesHere

ah well
the following morning i didnt ask, so lesson learnt
and a warning for future visits, provide ear plugs?
i get other people are annoying and the walls are thin

and yes, i mustn't be prickly about an honest answer but felt i had to stick up for the criticism, dh was sorry he woke anyone up

I would have seen it as an honest answer, NOT a criticism

idontlikealdi · 26/11/2023 08:05

This is baffling. Why did you ask if you don't want the answer and how do you know he doesn't turn the light in if you're asleep?

Odd.

mikado1 · 26/11/2023 08:05

MaryMcI · 26/11/2023 07:55

I think it was probably meant as opposed to having to stay in a hotel?

Show quote history

Ah ok, because people were asking what you'd respond jn a hotel perhaps. Got it. I just don't ever consider staying with a friend or family member as a money saving thing. Thanks for clarifying.

Op you wanted to ask how did you sleep as a pleasantry, and didn't want to know the answer. You'd have preferred DM to lie and say fine thanks and you would have been happy to move on with morning. Is that right? Yes, I think that's a bit strange. However following my DDad I'm quite obsessed with sleep and ask my dc every morning how they slept, checking that they had a good night, ready to hear any moans and to change anything I can. Undisturbed sleep is so important.

krakenworst · 26/11/2023 08:06

The correct answer is ‘Lying down’

SamphireAndSalmon · 26/11/2023 08:06

Why ask if you don't care?

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:06

idontlikealdi · 26/11/2023 08:05

This is baffling. Why did you ask if you don't want the answer and how do you know he doesn't turn the light in if you're asleep?

Odd.

i would wake if he turned the light on

and it is a polite question to a guest

OP posts:
Floooooof · 26/11/2023 08:06

There are some people in life you should be able to be completely honest with when you're having a bad day / haven't* slept well etc. You don't have to lie and say "fine thanks" to everyone surely?

YourNameGoesHere · 26/11/2023 08:06

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:03

i have said i am sure he doesnt turn the lights on @YourNameGoesHere

ah well
the following morning i didnt ask, so lesson learnt
and a warning for future visits, provide ear plugs?
i get other people are annoying and the walls are thin

and yes, i mustn't be prickly about an honest answer but felt i had to stick up for the criticism, dh was sorry he woke anyone up

You said he doesn't and then later you said you're pretty sure he doesn't hence me asking if you'd actually checked with him that he wasn't putting the light on? It would be weird for your mum to use this as a reason for being woken if it wasn't actually happening.

I'm glad he was sorry but did he actually apologise to your mum and you for disturbing both of you?

SamphireAndSalmon · 26/11/2023 08:07

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 07:31

it just makes the host feels bad

Don't feel bad. There sorted. Move on.

Conkersinautumn · 26/11/2023 08:07

I echo the sentiment that if you've no interest in an actual answer from a person then you're just making pointless noise. Stop asking if you don't want genuine interaction

BettyPhuckzer · 26/11/2023 08:08

Is this an AI thread? It's odd

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:08

yes @YourNameGoesHere
to me at least
but i expect he was embarrassed to apologise to dm
or he didnt know her complaint

OP posts:
Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:10

thing is we had a very long day ahead of us and i feel we should try hard to keep the peace for a long day
dont start off complaining about the people you stayed with

OP posts:
SamphireAndSalmon · 26/11/2023 08:10

Do you often over think things op?

Bearpawk · 26/11/2023 08:10

You sounds awful. If you don't really want to know then don't ask.
And you don't even know if DH DID turn the light on or not. Jeez.

cantbecaught · 26/11/2023 08:10

Why do you keep saying 'a guest' as if it's some random person. It's your mum. How can you apply these (frankly weird) social 'rules' to your own mum??

Sirzy · 26/11/2023 08:11

It’s not polite to ask someone a question if you don’t actually care about the response!

you are the one creating issues where they do need to exist!

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:11

@SamphireAndSalmon
it has been going round in my head, i eventually got it out of my system.
i am over it.
i dealt with it
i will warn her in future, there will be night time noise

OP posts:
Wheelz46 · 26/11/2023 08:11

No point in asking a question if you don't want an honest answer.

When my children have slept at their grandparents house and if they asked how they slept, I would expect my children to give their grandparents an honest answer, not lie about it.

saraclara · 26/11/2023 08:11

and it is a polite question to a guest

It isn't polite to ask a question that obliges a guest to lie. It's the opposite of polite to put them in that position.

PriOn1 · 26/11/2023 08:12

My mum and I compare notes on how badly we slept on a regular basis, so saying you didn’t sleep well isn’t rude in itself.

That said, I wouldn’t complain about anyone else moving around or going to the toilet, even if that was what had woken me, so she was perhaps less polite than I would have been about it.

So I’m on the fence on the “is it unreasonable” question.

I think, if I was you, in future, I wouldn’t ask. That way, it doesn’t give her an opening to say something you might find hurtful.

YourNameGoesHere · 26/11/2023 08:12

Crumpetdisappointment · 26/11/2023 08:10

thing is we had a very long day ahead of us and i feel we should try hard to keep the peace for a long day
dont start off complaining about the people you stayed with

You mean you think people should lie and be people pleasers ??

I think it's more bizarre to be honest that you felt the need to defend you DH and blame your mum than actually tackle the issue of your DH disrupting everyone's sleep. Although knowing you now think people should just do/say things to please others this does make more sense.