To feel uncomfortable at the amount he has spent

[JonnaMam]

I started seeing a man in February, we both have children they are 18 (he has twins b/g and I have a son). We took things really slow, we are both widows/widowers (met through a support group), didn't want to impose on them. In September they all left for uni, we did a lunch with them all before.
My son has been home a couple of times and spent time with my partner and I.
We spoke to all the kids and agreed we will spent Christmas together, he has a guest room which will be my sons room for the week.
I have picked up a couple of bits for my son, but I don't go all out anymore.

Well my partner has bought all the kids a whole new suite of technology from apple. He wanted to do it before they went to uni, but was waiting for his bonus.
He has bought them each a MacBook Pro, Ipad Pro, Iphone 15 Pro, Apple Watch, Airpods and Airpods Pro (why on earth both I don't know). He's spent little less than £20,000 and said we can still get them a few more bits.

I don't earn nearly as much as he does, to me £20,000 is a deposit on a house (my house is barely worth more than £120,000 these days), It makes me very uncomfortable.
AIBU to say he should return what is for my son? It isn't my business what he gets his kids, but he barely knows my son and it is so much money!!

O don’t see the problem, he just wants to include your son so he doesn’t feel left out. Seems fair and these are useful things .

That is no where near 20k of tech OP.. is there something he’s bought that you haven’t posted?

It’s a lot! But it’s nice he’s treating your son the same as his children.

I’d maybe express shock/explain you don’t usually go all out and talk about expectations generally but not veto it.

Your son must have also been through a lot losing your DH - was it his dad? Material things can’t replace that but some of those things might help at uni and would be good for him to feel valued the same as other ‘kids’ who’re there at Xmas rather than feeling left out.

For me, that would be way over the top.

I would not like it.

MacBook Pro - £2100 + £279 Applecare
Ipad Pro - £1079 + £129 Applecare
Iphone 15 Pro - £999+ £239 Applecare
Apple Watch - £699 + £79 Applecare
AirPods Pro - £229 + £29 Applecare
AirPods Max - £499 + £49 Applecare
£6409 x 3 = £19,227

Why do they need two sets of AirPods?

Goodness knows, he claims one are over ear and the other in ear - not sure how that matters!!

He’s a keeper!

Be happy. He sounds great. A generous man is a nice thing.

Wow, I can see why you might be uncomfortable but he's obviously kind and generous and doesn't want your son to feel missed out. I'd say he obviously likes you alot too. I'd just tell him it was too much, but thank you (I guess if you really wanted you could say he doesn't need all that and to just keep one item, but I'm sure your son will love it. I say just take it and say thank you)

You'll be fine. With the number of Airpods I've found on the ground they'll get through their two pair in a month or so. That's the only overpriced part of it IMO. Otherwise they'll be well set up for a number of years. I have 2 Macbook Pros and it's really nice to have a good performing laptop. I gave my old one to my daughter but it's like new even after 7 years or so. It is a lot of money but it will go far and it might even be money saved when you compare it to buying cheaper things that need replacing more often.

Edited to add- some people are natural givers. I'm one of them. It feels incredible to give extravagantly, especially if it's following hard times. Think of how he might feel doing this for his loved ones. It might be overwhelming, but try to have fun with it.

What a lovely man to include all the DCs xx I'm sure your DCs at uni will make good use of the items .. imagine a different scenario when Christmas comes and the others have these gifts and yours don't .. he's included everyone in your blended family

I think its lovely he has included your son

Remind him that it will all need insurance

Your son will have a great Christmas

You’d be complaining if your son wasn’t included.

If it truly bothers you, talk to him about it. Let him put to rest any fears or hesitations you have.
And if he answers all your questions satisfactorily, tell him thank you and remind yourself how fortunate you are to have found him.
And if he doesn’t, well, you’ll know that too.

I can see why you feel uncomfortable but it is lovely that he wants to make sure your son feels like he’s getting equal treatment! Perhaps just warn him you feel a bit uncomfortable that you can’t begin to match that.

I would graciously accept the goodies! A big thank you. Over the year pods are for sports and less damaging to the ear (I think).

Perhaps just warn him you feel a bit uncomfortable that you can’t begin to match that.

^ Definitely this too

I would be fine with this as he has included your son. I imagine he wanted to get it all for his kids but realised the upset this could cause if your son was sat opening socks from him whilst the other two got loads of new tech and wants to avoid that.

Honestly, if I were hosting other kids/teens for christmas day, including the present opening section, I would make sure all they were going to be getting a mostly equal pile too.

I think he's showing you how much he loves you by treating your son like his and showing you he's serious about the relationship through your son.

Can he afford to spend that much? If yes that I think it’s great he included all the children and hopefully it’s a one off.

I think it's really nice he's included your son.

And they aren't just Christmas kids, they are "setting them up for uni" gifts.

The only excessive thing I can see is the two sets of AirPods (which I'm not a fan of anyway, too easily lost).

Is he very wealthy / comfortable? If not particularly, I would maybe gently suggest he returns one / both types of the AirPod and save the money.

Otherwise, I would make sure to get him a nice, thoughtful present in exchange, and also help my son to get him something nice (not necessarily expensive, just thoughtful).

Sounds like you are going to have a lovely Christmas together

Then you make up the kids Stockings and Xmas eve boxes OP, they can be done very cheaply and you make them special.
(I've got loads of ideas if you need any help) but don't worry about what he's paid for DS, sounds like he can afford it.
If he was struggling to heat his home etc I'd say no but your DS has been through so much losing his DF, let this man do this for him, he may really want this to be a memorable and exciting Christmas "first" for you all.

Now, as someone who loves giving and making things for people, I know if I could afford to do this it wouldn't occur to me to not, but also, having been in receipt of lavish gifting, I'd say be aware that sometimes it's a red flag.
In this case though it doesn't sound it at all.

He didn't get in debt doing this or doesn't expect anything from you?
Then maybe, just maybe, he's a good man and this is going to be a really lovely first Christmas.

Love to both of your families, I hope this relationship goes from strength to strength and you're all happy ❤

Is he a millionaire? This would make me very uncomfortable too. It's extremely over the top. Did he not ask you about whether it was okay to buy for your son beforehand?

I agree with those saying he wanted to get this for his own children and didn't want to leave yours out - what a lovely man. I wonder what he's getting you OP.