To feel uncomfortable at the amount he has spent

[JonnaMam]

I started seeing a man in February, we both have children they are 18 (he has twins b/g and I have a son). We took things really slow, we are both widows/widowers (met through a support group), didn't want to impose on them. In September they all left for uni, we did a lunch with them all before.
My son has been home a couple of times and spent time with my partner and I.
We spoke to all the kids and agreed we will spent Christmas together, he has a guest room which will be my sons room for the week.
I have picked up a couple of bits for my son, but I don't go all out anymore.

Well my partner has bought all the kids a whole new suite of technology from apple. He wanted to do it before they went to uni, but was waiting for his bonus.
He has bought them each a MacBook Pro, Ipad Pro, Iphone 15 Pro, Apple Watch, Airpods and Airpods Pro (why on earth both I don't know). He's spent little less than £20,000 and said we can still get them a few more bits.

I don't earn nearly as much as he does, to me £20,000 is a deposit on a house (my house is barely worth more than £120,000 these days), It makes me very uncomfortable.
AIBU to say he should return what is for my son? It isn't my business what he gets his kids, but he barely knows my son and it is so much money!!

Even if you don't want a gift you have to be grateful?

The gift isn't for OP to be fair, it's for her son who presumably doesn't know yet.

I'd say the bigger red flag would be upon talking to him and how he reacts.

Can you afford to get your son as good quality a laptop for uni?

If not, then graciously accept the laptop as that will be seriously helpful for your son and will last him throughout uni his years (rather than refusing this laptop and just getting him a crappy cheap one next year that has problems and needs replacing by third year).

However, getting the same amount of expensive gifts as your boyfriend’s kids may make both your son and the twins uncomfortable on the day. I would therefore only accept the laptop and ask your boyfriend to return the rest of the presents bought for your son. That way your son still gets a nice gift from him but there’s a distinction between your boyfriends kids and your son, which will mean less discomfort on the day.

"LOL at the PPs claiming an 18 year old will feel awkward about receiving a tonne of Apple products"
A sensitive, thoughtful 18 year old would feel awkward about having so much bought for him by a virtual stranger-whether it's apple products or a holiday or a pony. He needs to be warned.

I think if he was a very rich man it wouldn't worry me so much, I'd be touched that he'd included my son.

However, the fact that he had to wait until he got his bonus suggests he isn't exactly rolling in it so I'm not so sure.

How wealthy is he OP? Is he genuinely wealthy or someone who's just flashy when he has a bit of spare cash?

My DS wouldn’t want an iPhone, never mind the rest of the stuff.

The kids have been through a lot and he wants to spoil them. Let him.

If he can afford it then he sounds lovely - he's thought of your DS and that is a really good sign! Don't over think this, he obviously wants to spoil the kids at Christmas and it is his choice what he spends his money on.

Just let him do as he pleases- he is not hurting anyone and you should not project your own values onto him

And also yes be excited about your own present 🤣🤣🤣

It is a lot and you need to look at it as a little warning of his behaviour. Ideally you would speak to him about your concerns and how he reacts will probably tell you how it is intended. You can put some effort into stockings etc and bring a woman's touch to the proceedings and I really hope you work it out!

🤣 Good point!

I think all the replies saying go for it and be pleased are insane.

This is OTT even for his own kids. No teen needs all of those expensive products in one go. Totally excessive and a really odd message to give kids. Let alone yours who he barely knows.

But then I wouldn’t have a week with a new partner and his teens over Xmas when it’s been less than a year together. How unsettling for your own bereaved child.

Go slow OP. See this as a flag. No one should make you uncomfortable in any sense- financial included.

OP feels uncomfortable about this, understandably. He didn’t consult her.

OP’s DS and her boyfriend’s DC are likely find this uncomfortable or worse.

Not things she or they should feel ‘grateful’, ‘excited’ or ‘lucky’ for.

It’s also unecessary pressure on OP and all the DC. Wonder how he’d react of OP decided in early 2024 that this new relationship isn’t for her?

Yes, totally.

Here is another assumption I have made. It seems to me you must live a very sad and loveless life that you can't envisage a situation where after 10 months with someone they would know how they feel about someone.

It also seems to me you are very angry about something and that PERHAPS the OP doesn't need you to be so angry on her behalf. HTH.

What is AppleCare?

When I've had problems Apple have sorted them out at no charge (except when I had to replace the battery on my very elderly laptop, obviously, but that was only £150, including sourcing it (because my model is so old they don't make the same batteries any more).

Apple is great - the tech is expensive but the service and after care is second to none.

I thought you were going to say ,your son would have nothing while theyunrapped all that .
Wow what a lovely kind man ,to include your son,and spend his bonus on all the children...what on earth are u complaining at
Don't ruin it for your son ,by getting the man to tone it down ,as that would be curel

I get that it feels a bit overwhelming but actually I think it’s really nice he’s included your son and treated him equally to his own children. That’s a big gesture, both to you and your son. It would’ve been really mean to have bought all that just for his kids and then let your son sit there opening a pair of socks and some shower gel, you know?
Having said that, I think a conversation about budgets and expectations for presents etc moving forward would probably be sensible.

Many partners at firms like law firms and accountancy firms get drawings and then their lump sum profit share once a year. HE is described as well off. Perhaps he just doesn't use a credit card unless paying in full. Perhaps he sensibly waits until next profit distribution before making larger purchases such as this or holidays etc. Its quote normal to do so.

It seems to me you must live a very sad and loveless life that you can't envisage a situation where after 10 months with someone they would know how they feel about someone.

What a great assumption!

I didn't say that, you eejit. I said (reading comprehension really isn't your strength, is it?) that deciding unilaterally how one person in the relationship feels, without even discussing it with the other person and assuming your feelings are reciprocated - is hugely problematic. Clear now?

It also seems to me you are very angry about something and that PERHAPS the OP doesn't need you to be so angry on her behalf.

OR...
I'm not angry at all but expressing a valid opinion on a discussion forum based on facts, not inventing stuff as you are doing.

Go & have a ☕️ it might help with the thinking.

How kind of him to include your DS.

send him my way lol

His money his choice.

As long as it's all above board and he can comfortably afford all this then it's seems ok. The DC have just started uni so not unusual to spend more than usual to set them up. Seems nice that he is including your son. Perhaps should have discussed first though.

‘His choice’ shows poor judgment, at best, as regards his girlfriend and the three DCs’ thoughts and feelings.