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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner not come home freaking out and angry

821 replies

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:05

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. Sad I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

OP posts:
Toohot2handle · 25/11/2023 00:09

I’ve been in this situation myself and they always ended up just being drunk in a noisy bar not hearing their phones and all was ok in the end. It doesn’t stop you from worrying. Hope you’re ok x

Bature · 25/11/2023 00:09

Message him? What are you angry about? It sounds like he was ringing you at half 9 to say he wouldn’t be coming home at 10pm. He’s probably a bit pissed and has his phone in his pocket somewhere noisy. Or it might have died. Unless there’s a massive drip feed coming, there’s nothing to be out of your mind about, imo. Mildly irritated, at most.

Go to bed.

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:12

@Bature I can't go to bed because he doesn't have his keys and it's freezing outside. Hence the reason he said he would call me on the way home which was supposed to be at 10pm.

This is really really out of character which is why I am worried.

OP posts:
ideallyno · 25/11/2023 00:20

OP I fully understand where you are coming from. There is nothing worse than not hearing from somebody, especially when they are usually good with communication. Hopefully he turns up at Home soon! Like others have said, I wonder if perhaps he's found himself in a noisy bar, and hasn't heard his phone ringing… It's so much easier to lose track of time when you've had a drink or two! X

Toohot2handle · 25/11/2023 00:21

If it’s out of character he’s probably just making the most of being out with his workmates. I really wouldn’t punish him as when you’re out drinking time goes so fast and if he’s chatting to friends then he’s not going to be remembering to check his phone as he already told you he’s staying out for a bit longer. just keep your phone on and keep an ear out for when he’s home. X

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 00:22

Last night or tonight? If it was last night I'd be worried but tonight? Just go to bed and text him saying to knock loudly or ring the doorbell 🤷🏽‍♀️

TravellingT · 25/11/2023 00:22

Message him on whatsapp and see if it gets 2 ticks. Text him too to say call you when he can.

Do you know anyone he's with? Could you message them?

Try to stay calm, he's probably drunk in a bar or on his way home x

Lindy2 · 25/11/2023 00:23

He's probably had a bit to drink and is somewhere noisy. It sounds like he may have tried to call to say he was staying out longer.

Not having a key was bad planning.

OhNoForever · 25/11/2023 00:23

I'd go to bed with earplugs in. His problem now!

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 00:24

He might just not have a signal in the pub he's in. It's only just gone 12 and he's at a Christmas do ffs 🤣 stop making the OP think it's unusual

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 00:25

"I'd go to bed with earplugs in. His problem now!"

Really? You'd lock him out and make sure you couldn't hear him trying to get in because he's gone on a Christmas do? Fuck me

EVHead · 25/11/2023 00:26

Calm down and go to bed. Unless you live somewhere dangerous, leave the front door unlocked.

Dont ruin his fun when he gets home.

Unless he makes a habit of this. Then you have every right to be pissed off.

JFDIYOLO · 25/11/2023 00:27

Send him one calm clear text saying you are very worried about him as you were expecting him at xx and it's now xx. Tell him to call you as soon as he sees it to let you know he's ok.

Then go to bed with some comedy to watch on your phone if you have to stay up to let him in.

When he comes home, if he's pissed, don't start anything.

Tomorrow morning have a calm clear conversation with him about respect, consideration and Be Kind etc.

Set your boundaries re what you will not put up with.

Lemon1111 · 25/11/2023 00:29

Can you leave the door open? Obviously if you won’t be able to sleep then this won’t help you though. I’ve been there, it’s really really irritating and always a works do! I got so worked up and was catastrophising like you probably are right now. I imagine he was calling you to tell you his battery was going to die and he was staying out a bit longer. I hope he comes home soon though it’s not a nice feeling. If he’s a good man he’s probably just enjoying himself and time is going fast for him xxx

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:30

@JFDIYOLO

Thank you

It is just horrible. Worse because my ex would do this constantly and I would lie awake all night all the time and then get a call he's been arrested etc. so it just really freaks me out and he knows this which is why he usually stays in touch.

I don't know anyone he works with and the event is in London where we live in Kent so it's not just 10 minutes down the road which worries me more Sad

OP posts:
GinAndJuice99 · 25/11/2023 00:31

I don't really think there's much to worry about. He's just out with his colleagues somewhere, probably drunk by now. I'd just leave a key hidden by the front door and text him a picture of where it is

ConsuelaHammock · 25/11/2023 00:32

He’ll be fine . Send him a text message to phone you when he’s on his way home.
Go to bed and either watch tv or read .

yarnwitch · 25/11/2023 00:32

Try to stay calm, I know it's hard I've been in this situation myself. The more tired and worried you get the angrier you feel too. Realistically he's probably just drunk and having a good time.
Can you leave a key out under a doormat or somewhere hidden for him? Text him to let him know then go to bed.

Notimeforaname · 25/11/2023 00:32

OP. Its been 2 hours, hes a grown man and has had a drink. Hes probably a bit drunk, chatting, still drinking etc. Distract yourself for now.

CrapBucket · 25/11/2023 00:33

This is very very common, especially for Christmas work dos. Can you snooze on the sofa and still hear the door when he knocks on it? That’s what I’d do as I don’t like to leave the door unlocked. Depends on your house layout of course. Millions of people do this every Christmas. Don’t worry.

JFDIYOLO · 25/11/2023 00:33

Fingers crossed he's just been careless and thoughtless and lost track of time.

If yes, the fact he knows your history yet he's doing it anyway will need to be brought up tomorrow, in the calm clear boundary-setting talk.

Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 00:36

GinAndJuice99 · 25/11/2023 00:31

I don't really think there's much to worry about. He's just out with his colleagues somewhere, probably drunk by now. I'd just leave a key hidden by the front door and text him a picture of where it is

Good idea

SheIsStuck23 · 25/11/2023 00:37

YANBU - if he was ringing at 9.30 to say he wouldn’t be back at 10pm as planned then it takes 10 seconds to leave you a voicemail to tell you that, or instead send you a text to let you know.

I’d be worried too OP if I was in your situation because my DH isn’t inconsiderate and wouldn’t do this which I assume is how your partner is too.

Xmaswomble · 25/11/2023 00:37

He might just not have a signal in the pub he's in. It's only just gone 12 and he's at a Christmas do ffs 🤣 stop making the OP think it's unusual

literally not one poster has done this

user1477249785 · 25/11/2023 00:39

OP I can totally understand why you are worried but I promise you that the most likely explanation for this is that as the time came for him to leave to catch the ten pm train as promised, he had had a few drinks, was having a lovely time and didn't want the evening to end. A colleague has said 'don't go yet, just stay on my couch' and he has thought that's a great idea and has rung you to check. You missed the call, he tried again. And then he's simply lost track of time because he's a bit drunk and enjoying himself. It happens. He'll call you mortified in a bit.

Sorry it's so crappy in the meantime tho.

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