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Original poster

Partner not come home freaking out and angry

821 replies

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:05

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. Sad I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 25/11/2023 00:39

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 00:25

"I'd go to bed with earplugs in. His problem now!"

Really? You'd lock him out and make sure you couldn't hear him trying to get in because he's gone on a Christmas do? Fuck me

It's not "locking him out" if the oaf doesn't bother taking his keys and then decides to go on a drinking spree in the middle of the fucking night. OP is not his personal slave to have to wait up for her master's return. I'd go to bed and text him to get a hotel or couch surf with his equally oafish colleagues. I'd then proceed to reexamine the relationship.

Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 00:39

I wouldn't bollock him when he gets home...id have talk tomorrow though.. take a key... If i don't answer text if u gonna be out longer

JFT · 25/11/2023 00:39

When you say 'last night' do you mean Friday night the 24th?

If so, don't worry. Edit: gone one somewhere wi no signal. Or went for food with others and is in v noisy place eating and drinking. Or lost phone somewhere.

Lock the door go to bed, he's gonna have to make noise if he wants in. Or put the key hidden somewhere outside the door.

NancyDrooo · 25/11/2023 00:40

Last night as in now, as in Friday night?

idontlikealdi · 25/11/2023 00:44

I would imagine he's getting pissed with work colleagues at a Christmas night out, do you mean Friday night as in 44 minutes ago?

Robotik · 25/11/2023 00:45

Try not to panic, I’m sure he will be fine

go to bed and watch tv?

shortbreadcandle · 25/11/2023 00:49

OP, do you know the name of the pub he went to? Anyway you could give them a call and ask them to ask around for DH? Give them his description and name xx

L0bstersLass · 25/11/2023 00:49

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:12

@Bature I can't go to bed because he doesn't have his keys and it's freezing outside. Hence the reason he said he would call me on the way home which was supposed to be at 10pm.

This is really really out of character which is why I am worried.

Have you texted him to say that you were in the shower which is why you missed his calls? Maybe he thinks you were ignoring him.
If I was you, I'd text him in a friendly tone to explain why you'd missed his calls and let him know that you're locking up and letting him know where you're leaving the key for him.

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:50

SheIsStuck23 · 25/11/2023 00:37

YANBU - if he was ringing at 9.30 to say he wouldn’t be back at 10pm as planned then it takes 10 seconds to leave you a voicemail to tell you that, or instead send you a text to let you know.

I’d be worried too OP if I was in your situation because my DH isn’t inconsiderate and wouldn’t do this which I assume is how your partner is too.

This is what is getting me to be honest, if nothing bad has happened to you it isn't that hard to at least send a text so I know he is safe or when he is due home.

OP posts:
Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 00:51

@L0bstersLass yeah I did that, then tried calling back a few times again. Messaged calmly just to let me know he is safe.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 25/11/2023 00:52

What a storm in a teacup.

Put a key under the mat or in a flower pot by the front door.

Text him where you left it. Go to be. Sleep tight.

JFT · 25/11/2023 00:54

The main issue is you need to calm yourself and relax. So, he's gone a bit AWOL for the first time. He's not a missing person, he's gone out on a bender. Only time will tell. Hell be back in the small hours falling over.

You need to figure out how to relax / sleep or at least distract yourself in this interim period. If he's not home by 7am then begin to worry. Any time before that he could be in some shitty premises open til 5am 'having fun' of the sort that can only be achieved in some rubbish dive with no wifi.

Notimeforaname · 25/11/2023 00:55

OP, do you know the name of the pub he went to? Anyway you could give them a call and ask them to ask around for DH? Give them his description and name xx

OP, dont do this. It's a bit dramatic "my husband hasn't text me in a couple hours, here's his description"😆

He hasn't text you back because hes talking to people. On top of that, signal is probably shite.

user1477249785 · 25/11/2023 00:56

OP with kindness, I notice you are engaging with posts that feed your anxiety. That is understandable- you are worried. But I think you need to try and step back a bit and tell yourself this is anxiety. By a very long margin the most likely option is that he is a little bit drunk and lost track of time.

AliceOlive · 25/11/2023 01:04

Could be as simple as a dead battery and a problem getting an Uber.

If you trust and love him, and have confidence in his ability to take care of himself, then you should just take a breath and wait to see what happened once he makes it home. At worst you could be a bit worried, but angry? That doesn’t make sense if you trust him.

shortbreadcandle · 25/11/2023 01:04

OP, apologies, I realise my post was OTT. Didn't mean to scare you.
I'm sure everything is fine and your partner has probably just lost track of time or simply doesn't have any signal where he is. xx

BasiliskStare · 25/11/2023 01:05

Well , I don't think this is a freaking out scenario. He should have taken his keys. I would text & say will go to bed with phone , phone if you can't get in. In my case and others I know , no news is good news ( in various situations , like plane trips ) He's going to be late home , it isn't a hanging offence.

Clemmie4 · 25/11/2023 01:06

OP do you need to be up early for work or young children in the morning?
If not then would one late night really be much of an issue?
I’d probably do as already advised and leave a key under the mat, send a photo of it, that way if his phone does still have battery he can let himself in.

If his phone has died though that would be pointless, you mention he doesn’t usually behave like this in everyday life so even if he does come home at 4am and you have to get out of bed to let him in is it really a big deal? it’s easy to get carried away on a night out.

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 01:09

"OP is not his personal slave to have to wait up for her master's return."

Never said she was, but she doesn't need to put fucking earplugs in just to make sure she doesn't hear him knocking 🙄.

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 01:11

shortbreadcandle · 25/11/2023 01:04

OP, apologies, I realise my post was OTT. Didn't mean to scare you.
I'm sure everything is fine and your partner has probably just lost track of time or simply doesn't have any signal where he is. xx

It's fine lol it wasn't at all. I have absolutely no idea where he's been or is so wouldn't be an option in any case.

I appreciate a lot of people think I'm nuts for this but I've been through a lot of shit with this in the past (not his fault I know) and being able to rely on people/get hold of them is a huge thing for me as a result of it.

I have really bad anxiety anyway and am trying to get better with CBT and medication but things like this happen and I honestly can't cope I feel like the world is ending.

OP posts:
Moonshine5 · 25/11/2023 01:12

OP this sounds like a "you" problem - unfair to put your exes' past actions onto your dp

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 01:12

"it isn't that hard to at least send a text so I know he is safe"

He's on a Christmas do in London with workmates, why does he need to let you know he's safe? He rang twice and you didn't answer. Was probably on his way into the next bar or his phone was about to die. Either way, he's an adult who presumably you trust

CremeEggSupremacy · 25/11/2023 01:12

This is my worst nightmare OP so I really feel for you. I also had a traumatic experience with a similar kind of thing so I know how hard it is when your brain is screaming 'pattern recognition'. Instead of calling a couple of times he would've been better off texting to let you know what he was doing. Unfortunately people aren't rational when they're drunk. I hope you hear from him soon and manage to get some sleep if not, he is an adult and with other adults so if he can't make it home I'm sure he will have sorted something out, London to Kent is quite a way to travel

Yes it is a 'you problem' when you're anxious due to past experiences but equally this is OP's husband who presumably loves and cares about her and has accepted her as she is, so it's also not unreasonable for him to make a very minor change to his behaviour in one situation that makes her particularly anxious.

Original poster
annabel586 · 25/11/2023 01:14

AliceOlive · 25/11/2023 01:04

Could be as simple as a dead battery and a problem getting an Uber.

If you trust and love him, and have confidence in his ability to take care of himself, then you should just take a breath and wait to see what happened once he makes it home. At worst you could be a bit worried, but angry? That doesn’t make sense if you trust him.

Because it's not a dead battery the phone is ringing and WhatsApp going through. It takes no time at all to just send a text and prevent all this worry.

I wouldn't dream of doing this to someone, if I went AWOL even for an hour, out late and drunk he would lose his mind with worry. It works both ways

OP posts:
TrickorTreacle · 25/11/2023 01:18

Moonshine5 · 25/11/2023 01:12

OP this sounds like a "you" problem - unfair to put your exes' past actions onto your dp

It's not right that the OP's partner has broken contact on a night out and thus she has a right to be concerned. However, I agree with you that the onus shouldn't be on new partners due to the actions of former partners. I think that's unfair on the new partner.