Partner not come home freaking out and angry

[annabel586]

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

Wow some of the comments here are truly awful. I'm sorry you're going through this, do you have any herbal calming type tea to help soothe your nerves? Take slow breaths (or box breathing), maybe look up some mindfulness techniques so you don't ruminate. As pp said, I'm going to be up with you and hoping for the best! Most likely your mister is going to get an earful soon! 💜

He’ll be fine, OP. He clearly did try to call you. He’ll turn up. They always do.

Still no sign of him?

That’s good. As others have said there is no point catastrophising. I am an anxious person too. Dark thoughts can run away with my mind, but in all the years that I have experienced nights like yours my darker fears have never once been realised. And I am an older woman so have been through this many times.

Thank you! It's actually helpful just to have comments to reply to to distract myself to be honest.

I will update on the outcome when there is one

Have been here and totally understand. Anyone who doesn’t get it is clearly privileged enough to have never had bad stuff happen to them. Of course you’d worry if you’re told a time he’d be home and then he doesn’t come home or tell you otherwise. Your mind immediately imagines the worst. The reality is most likely to be drunkenly loses track of time / battery died / can’t get a cab etc. bad things do happen but are super rare.

So is the problem that you have anxiety issues or that you have reason not to trust him?

One of my sons used to do this regularly,I lost a lot of sleep during those days.I have no understanding of anyone saying don’t worry.It is normal to worry about our loved ones.

No doubt he will be feeling rough when he does turn up!

I never said I don't trust him, not once.

Is there any news? I’m still awake and with you if you need a chat and sending you a big hug.

So why are you angry? Do you think he could call or text but isn’t bothering?

It's a horrid feeling. Especially when it's so out of character.

Sending unmumsnetty hugs

I am the one who brought up anxiety issues and perhaps should not have done. Op may just be having an anxious night and understandably so. Doesn’t mean she has anxiety issues like I do.

I have the most boring, predictable husband and even he pulls a stunt like this once in a blue moon. It’s horrible, but it happens. Hope you’re OK.

I'd be worried too and had this happen to me a few times followed by either a sheepish apology. I hope he's home soon and everything is ok

Lots of people have had plenty of bad stuff happen to them but can still allow their partner to enjoy a night out without losing their marbles over it.

I think at this hour when something unexpected happens we all have anxiety. And a right to it.

It’s very difficult to deal with the clash of emotions. Better to recognize each of them and deal individually with the fears and bad feelings, I think?

I can totally understand how you are feeling and am the same. If someone is late I can easily catastrophise.
I can tell you that people at my previous work Xmas parties have gone awol and turned up. For example last year a colleague's husband called another colleague at 8.30 the following morning as she hadn't come home. This is a woman in her late 40s who it was completely out of character for. Turned out she had gone to some really late night club with others and her phone had died. This was in London and she lived outside London so it took a couple of hours to get home. She turned up at home not long after.
Please ignore the comments people are making about him worrying about you if you are out of touch for an hour etc. This is his anxiety and as a couple you generally manage it together and it works for you so grear. My DH likes to know when I've arrived somewhere and am leaving, not from a control point of view, because he really doesn't care where I go and who with, but because he wants to know I'm safe. I've recently given him location access on my phone (I decided to do this) so he can see where I am.

I hope he turns up soon but as it is later now he may be on a colleague's sofa passed out.

Bit odd. If he was calling you at 9.30 to tell you he wouldn’t be getting home when he said he would, why not send a quick text if you weren’t answering and he was going to go incommunicado afterwards?!

I understand why you’re angry OP. It’s caused you unnecessary worry with him not being back when he said and as it’s almost 2am now so well beyond 10pm, it’s understandable that you are worried added to the fact he needs you to open the door to him as he’s got no keys. Is he expecting you’ll wait up all night for when he decides to roll in?

Hope he’s fine but I’d be furious too.

@annabel586 You obviously trust him. But very gently , I think a grown man who is out at a Christmas Party and is late home having tried to ring you twice , I think you reaction is a bit OTT. Now that is my opinion and others are available. I do realise I probably haven't had the same experiences as you - & I do get that . So you can dismiss my thoughts , please do but sometimes these things happen between perfectly normal & happy couples.

Yes you can castigate him for not phoning again or whatever but perhaps it is just a bit of inconsiderateness which can be talked about rather than a crisis.

I know you may very well disagree and I am pretty sure there will be others who disagree with me too.

IMO at this hour it is too much to expect op to consider deeper issues. That is best left for tomorrow afternoon and is between her and dp. Right now I think she just needs a hand hold.

Bet he's got a hotel or stayed with a colleague and fallen asleep (or got so drunk he's passed out) hence unable to answer the phone, I'm sure everything will be fine OP, try and get some rest x

@BasiliskStare

Now that is my opinion and others are available.

Dear heavens! I think this is the best comment I’ve ever read on the internet!

He could have texted as OP didn’t answer when he called if he wasn’t going to call or answer his phone again.

No excuse for a grown man to be getting too drunk to be able to convey to his wife that he wasn’t coming home knowing she would be waiting up as he had no door key and it’s now 4 hours after he had said he’d be home.

Totally not OTT for OP to be worried and pissed off at this behaviour.

Hope you're okay, OP.

Try and relax. I'm sure he will be home soon.. probably in no fit state to make it up the stairs but safe and sound none the less.

Keep us updated. Xx