Partner not come home freaking out and angry

[annabel586]

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

Are you for real. What a waste of everyone's time. He's on a work do, drinking.

i wouldn’t want to be with a partner so selfish and lacking in care or empathy that they’d not come home when they said they were and think that was fine to leave me having to wait to let them in and worry that the worst had happened to them. It’s weird that you wouldn’t understand why someone would worry about that. It’s not putting your issues onto others to expect that courtesy or respect. I still think you either just are so privileged you’ve never experienced something truly bad happening so your brain doesn’t ‘go there’ or you’re lacking in empathy that you can’t understand why a partner would worry.

I do understand why a partner would worry but not to such an extreme level. He's out on a work do, a Christmas do when peoole are most likely to drink too much. I would personally feel a bit annoyed that he's not home when he said but I wouldn't be freaking out, just thinking to myself I hope he has a good time then I'd pop off to bed. But then my partner wouldn't need to give me a time of arrival home, within reason he's free to stay out for as long as he wants, we are both adults and it's really very unlikely that something terrible will happen. I honestly cannot live my life expecting the worst to happen, that is a shit life imo. I have had things bad happen, why do you keep cracking on about privilege. You cannot live your life waiting for the next catastrophe to happen.

I’ve done this, went out for tea on a work night. I text DH saying I’ll be home by X time. Then friend came back with “one for the road”. Ended up in a club, didn’t get in until 4am. DH had text, whatsapped, rung me, rung my friend who said “I’ll try and find her”. Comedic in one way, we laugh about it now but I was in the dog house the next day! Nursing a hangover and throwing up at 3pm!
Try not to panic, easier said than done.

I’ve just read all of your posts, OP. I hope you managed to get some rest and he made it home safely?

Any update, OP? Hope all is ok.

I think you're over reacting a bit. He's on a work night.

I hope that he is home now, OP. Being concerned that he isn't home by now is very understandable.

However, being 'so angry' at 0:05 and calling him continuously between 9:30 and midnight is concerning behaviour.

I hope he's back soon OP. I get your worry - if my DH did this it would be so out of character I would be really worried.

I've had a few hours sleep now and still not home

OP before you confront him, if you are going to, in the morning or when you next see him, maybe go and talk to your mum about it first so that you can express your feelings to her and process it all rather than with him because I feel that would be a better way for you to work through this anxious situation and the triggers/reaction.

I've been where you are right now. Step back and talk to someone you trust before going in for the chat with the person who's caused your upset x

I hope you slept. What a knob, he should have at least left a message saying he was elsewhere and back tomorrow

When a women does this it is called concern and 'oh I have anxiety that excuses it'

When a man does it there is red flags and control and 'you must get out now!'

he probably was hammered and crashed at a mates place. I am very relaxed but not sending a message when not coming home all night is shitty. He will rock up later today, feeling sorry for himself with his big hangover.

Can you do something nice today so you don't have to deal with him? I wouldn't hang around for him just because he doesn't have keys. what a knob. I hope you got some sleep at least.

You're definitely now within your rights to be furious, OP.

I hope he's just been inconsiderate, and is otherwise safe.

That's quite concerning but his hone has probs run out of juice and he'll be kipping on someone's floor trying to sleep of the alcohol

Im going to leave keys under the mat go to my mums I'm not going to sit round here all day on my own waiting for him to come back.

We were supposed to be going to a Christmas market this evening but that's not going to happen now 😂

Totally selfish of him not to just text and say where he is. I’d imagine he’s blind drunk and a colleague has taken him home with them as no way he would get back to Kent from London if he was paralytic drunk. I’m sure you’ll get a very big apology

He might have fallen asleep somewhere x

Phone still ringing and going to VM 🙄

Should off took his key then

Why didnt he take his keys?

I wouldnt leave the keys
Go to ur mums, take her to the Christmas market instead

I’d be upset in your shoes now OP.

I hope he’s safe and gets home soon.

He forgot them at home and it wasn't supposed to be an issue as initially he was only going for a couple of hours then driving home, as he has a chest infection so didn't want to drink etc. then obviously plans change as they always do and now we are here....

Good morning, my ex did this plenty of times. Numerous reasons all involving drink. Stayed at friends, stayed out drinking, walked the street, DUI so locked up for the night.

So showed up sorry the next day - apologetic but never changed - hence the ex.