Partner not come home freaking out and angry

[annabel586]

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

@AliceOlive I can't find it to paste it but perhaps if you good you can see the little cartoon stick men thing which says " Are you coming to bed " & other stick person says " No I can't - someone is wrong on the internet " Dh and I laugh about that all the time . I have my opinions others have theirs. All valid on the whole

Still not back yet.... I reckon he will be out all night now

This happened to me once, husbands phone appeared to be ringing etc and WhatsApp's and messages going through, but his end it was dead. He was in a right pickle and had to walk home from the station in the freezing cold. I was really worried but he did turn up, cold and sad, about 3am.

I’m sure he’ll be fine.
Let us know how it goes x

I hope you are feeling calmer. Hope you can get some sleep.

I am going to try and get some sleep, I keep switching between calming down a bit and then panicking again

He was probably calling you at 9.30 to say he was drunk and would be staying over with a work friend/has checked into a hotel. When you've tried to call back he's already crashed out asleep. Try not to worry - so much easier said than done - if anything bad had happened to him you would have heard about it.
If he arrives home and you are asleep would you hear the doorbell? If so, send another message telling him to ring the doorbell whatever time he gets home and you'll let him in, then get yourself off to bed.

Thank you so much for all your comments. I will keep you updated

Oh come on OP. I thought he had been missing for a whole night and day, bit dramatic to say last night when it had just gone midnight. It's hardly late for a drunken Christmas night out. And he DID try to contact you, he's drunk, he probably assumed you'd fallen asleep so made plans to stay elsewhere incase he couldn't get in. Reminder: he's not sober. Don't expect him to be able to be rational or remember to check his phone. He easily could have lost it.

I’ve seen it! You have a way with words. It’s really soothing actually and hope it’s been helpful to @annabel586 as well.

@annabel586 When I was 18, my 'boyfriend' and I had a holiday job on a Hop Farm- He went into Canterbury for the evening, and didn't come back as expected...I was worried sick, even going to a callbox phoning local hospitals in case he's had an accident and ended up in hospital {long before mobile phones}

When I saw him sauntering up the lane to the hop huts we were staying in, I felt both relief and anger...

He'd got drunk and dossed at someone's house for the night.

But I still remember that irrational worry..

I have a tendency to worry, still,
When DS went for a ''Year out'' in New Zealand and North America, I didn't worry as much, ironically, as I wasn't straining to hear his key in the lock after a night out.

Cartoon:

@annabel586 I am not sure if this will be helpful or not . Around the time of the 9/11 thing DH was in a meeting outside the Merrill Lynch building , I was at home with very young DS and DH just literally could not phone me for two days because all the telecom things were out. Now I know this is not the same thing but your DH might not be able to find a charger , he might be on his way home with a flat phone battery , he might be three sheets to the wind , but this might give you an insight into why I don't panic unless I have a reason to do so.

All best and look forward to hearing he has got home safely.

@oakleaffy yes yes that is exactly was I was thinking of . Thank you - I think @AliceOlive will recognise it too . My husband and I giggle about that all the time

Try get some sleep op x

Bless you, I’d be frantic with worry too. It’s really not on, when you live with and share a home with a partner it’s basic respect and decency to say if you’re going to be out all night.

When people go missing the first person to raise the alarm is either their family/partner or their employer if they don’t turn up to work. It’s perfectly reasonable to be worried.

I’m sure he’s fine and just drunk and staying with a colleague but if I was you I’d be having a serious conversation when he’s home and sobered up.

I haven't read the whole thread, but HSBC is down. Thought I'd mention in case this is your dps bank and trains have stopped and he's unable to get a cab? Hope you get some sleep. Must say, I've done this a couple of times, missed last train etc. Really hope all is okay xx

Nope, you just don’t get it. If someone says they’re on their way home and then hours later they go awol you are going to worry and that doesn’t mean you’ve ‘lost your marbles’ or have anxiety issues. If you’ve never had the police turn up at your door and tell you horrible news then I just don’t think you can understand; and I’m glad for you that you haven’t but don’t be so unpleasant about OP .

He never said he was on his way home. He called, she didn't answer. He's out on his work Christmas do. Not once did he say he was heading home. At 7pm he said he'll be home at 10pm. A lot can happen in those 3 hours. Perhaps, shockingly, he's having a good time and wants to stay out for the duration. It happens. From what I've read from the Op at no point did he confirm he was actually on his way home. In this instance it's all very dramatic and I honestly think you shouldn't put your issues onto others. I would not want to be with a partner who I have to stick to such rigid plans. His biggest mistake was giving the op a time if return and not taking keys.

If it’s the case that he decided to stay out, he should update his partner.

If his phone is going to VM because his battery has depleted, then he should
make a good effort attempt to contact OP and let her know what the new plan is. If his phone was dying and he realized that after she didn’t pick up, he should have texted his new plan.

if he doesn’t remember her number, w hi ch I could understand, then surely OP has social media? Have a friend or colleague msg her via one of those platforms. There’s no excuse, unless he’s in trouble or just massively inconsiderate.

He's out drunk, let him have fun

Have you rang the local hospitals / Police stations near to where he was, i think thats what i would do

I think he has got himself a bit too merrry for his Christmas do and didn't want to risk making his way home and not quite getting there so has decided to stay in London. Perhaps konked out in his room a little after he called you and that's why he hasn't picked his phone up.

He will wake up with a sore head and no doubt feel awful for leaving you in the dark. But he will be fine and you will be relieved and a bit tired.

I hope you're managing to get some rest now.

My husband knows what your experiencing with worry and anxiety. I went out with some old school friends about 10 years ago and had a bit too much to drink, fell asleep and when I woke up the next morning I'd loads of missed calls and text's. I'd managed to get myself 'home' not our home but back to my mums, I'd moved out of my mum's 10 years before 🫣

Really? He's out on a Christmas do, the op has the anxiety problem it isn't up to everyone else to facilitate it. Why can't he just enjoy his evening without having to keep in contact all night?