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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he's 'lost the plot' not I

267 replies

ThankGoditsChristmas · 22/11/2023 16:16

I'll start by saying that obviously these incidents aren't isolated and I'm physically ill from stress.

I honestly think my partner has lost the plot; 2 scenarios to highlight this...

Last week I left the hoover out, in the kitchen out of the way. I'd hoovered half of downstairs but didn't finish as partner was working and didn't want to be loud. So I put it to one side. Let me preface this by saying partner does zero housework, I constantly clean up after him and I am very tidy and house proud.
Partner does not mention the hoover all evening. I take our child to bed, walk back down to the kitchen and see the look on his face. Strangely when he goes on a rant it's honestly like he's a different person (not that he's ever particularly nice), his voice and expressions change.
He asks why I've left the hoover out. I apologise and explain I was going to finish using it. He tells me I've made us look like lower social class degenerates for leaving out the hoover. I can see he wants to be horrible and he will go on and on, so I say sorry, it's just a hoover and I'll put it away. He continues to ask what is wrong with me and says I'm not right in the head. I tell him it's just a hoover and he says but leaving it out isn't normal and I'm mentally ill. I say 'youre telling me I'm mentally ill because I left out the hoover, really' he replies 'yes you're mentally ill and need help'.
I move the hoover and tell him he won't break me by telling me I'm mentally ill all the time and he replies 'if I wanted to break you I'd just leav you, you'd never cope without me'. I walk off and spend the evening in a separate room. My son unfortunately heard all this upstairs.

6am this morning my child woke. I got up to see him, I disturbed partner getting up. He starts getting angry telling me that I fucking woke him. As I reached our bedroom door he says "you always destroy me. Will you stop screaming and shouting". I wasn't even talking. I reply calmly saying I'm not shouting and he says, yes you are. Stop screaming and shouting. I get into bed with our son but don't sleep as I'm so stressed. Partner then tried talking to me as normal. I find it all really odd.

OP posts:
BecauseTheWorld · 22/11/2023 16:19

He sounds like a dick. Can you put a plan in place to leave?

idontlikealdi · 22/11/2023 16:21

You need to get rid of him, your mental health will never improve being around that.

GalileoHumpkins · 22/11/2023 16:22

You find it odd? I find it fucking horrific and think you start running far away from him immediately, he's an abusive arsehole and he's trying to get you to question your own mental state.

BeigeChair · 22/11/2023 16:23

100% not normal at all. If my DH did one of those things I would thing he had changed and would consider leaving. You’ll start to see other things that aren’t right and everything will unravel and you will see it for what it is.

Why are you with someone who won’t help around the house? That’s the wrong phrasing, it’s not help around the house it’s do his share of living there!

your son has witnessed this, this is abuse of your child in itself.

rosie1959 · 22/11/2023 16:23

Why are you with this idiot I suggest you take up his offer and ask him to leave as soon as possible.

Tinkerbyebye · 22/11/2023 16:23

Leave

EvilElsa · 22/11/2023 16:23

He's abusive and lazy. Get rid ASAP.

funbags3 · 22/11/2023 16:23

This a serious post? That's fking disgusting behaviour.

funbags3 · 22/11/2023 16:25

Has he always been like this?

ThankGoditsChristmas · 22/11/2023 16:25

I mean these situations are nothing really compared to everything else. It's just what I live with on a daily basis. It completely messes with you. To be told to stop shouting and screaming when you're not even talking...
I walked in from work and he tried arguing with me about a stool (that's my child's from his room) being moved. He kept going on about how it shouldn't be moved and rating at me. It's just a stool...just get it. I said to leave me alone and not shout at me and he says "and you stop being rude, aggressive and shouting at me". I'm not though. I don't even speak unless spoken to these days. Don't have an opinion either.

He's also told me in the past he hacks into my phone, so if he's extra grumpy with me later, he's probably seen this.

OP posts:
Seas164 · 22/11/2023 16:26

Speak to a professional who will help you see through this for what it actually is, which is an abusive relationship. Do it now, before he erodes your mind to the point you're doubting the ground under your feet.

Womens Aid have a chat service, they will help you.

ThankGoditsChristmas · 22/11/2023 16:27

Ha he won't help around the house. He is too important. I work longer hours but he earns more. So he's home all day and does nothing in the house.
He even comains that I'm stealing his children's inheritance because he pays the rent.

OP posts:
FiveWordsWillDoNotEightyFive · 22/11/2023 16:27

Please save your child from growing up with this abusive twat in the house.
Do you need help to leave, or do you have real life support you can rely on?

CrimsonPig · 22/11/2023 16:28

This man is an abusive psychopath.

Contact woman's aid.

Horriblewoman · 22/11/2023 16:29

Why are you with him?

GalileoHumpkins · 22/11/2023 16:29

Are you planning to leave? What a horrible way to live.

Devilsmommy · 22/11/2023 16:30

He's a full on cock knocker! He's trying to make you question your sanity when it's quite obviously him who's a fucking headcase. I'd be leaving asap if it was me. I couldn't live with myself letting my little one grow up hearing and seeing this kind of abuse

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 22/11/2023 16:30

Fucking hell OP, he's seriously dangerous, you need to get yourself and your kids away from him

funbags3 · 22/11/2023 16:30

You do know you and your child deserve so much better than this? There's a program, that's often mentioned on here, that will help. I can't remember the name but someone will post the info, eventually.

WeeOrcadian · 22/11/2023 16:32

For your son - change this situation.

If for no other reason - don't let your son grow up seeing & hearing this

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/11/2023 16:32

You need to get away from him asap. He sounds very abusive - not borderline, not anything to be minimised. Very worrying and mentally unstable - him not you.

Id contact women’s aid and make a plan to leave.

Your child doesn’t need to be around this.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/11/2023 16:33

funbags3 · 22/11/2023 16:30

You do know you and your child deserve so much better than this? There's a program, that's often mentioned on here, that will help. I can't remember the name but someone will post the info, eventually.

Freedom programme

ThankGoditsChristmas · 22/11/2023 16:33

I'm concerned he records me too. He did it to his ex and was advising his nephew who is going through family court not to do that but to record everything she says and use the fact she's on antidepressants. By calling the police and saying she's mentally ill

OP posts:
Birdcar · 22/11/2023 16:35

There is something seriously wrong with him. You need to get yourself and your child out of this situation asap.

Firefly2009 · 22/11/2023 16:35

Is this for real?
when did this start?
why are you still with him?

you know this is abuse and gaslighting so leave him asap

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