To think he's 'lost the plot' not I

[ThankGoditsChristmas]

I'll start by saying that obviously these incidents aren't isolated and I'm physically ill from stress.

I honestly think my partner has lost the plot; 2 scenarios to highlight this...

Last week I left the hoover out, in the kitchen out of the way. I'd hoovered half of downstairs but didn't finish as partner was working and didn't want to be loud. So I put it to one side. Let me preface this by saying partner does zero housework, I constantly clean up after him and I am very tidy and house proud.
Partner does not mention the hoover all evening. I take our child to bed, walk back down to the kitchen and see the look on his face. Strangely when he goes on a rant it's honestly like he's a different person (not that he's ever particularly nice), his voice and expressions change.
He asks why I've left the hoover out. I apologise and explain I was going to finish using it. He tells me I've made us look like lower social class degenerates for leaving out the hoover. I can see he wants to be horrible and he will go on and on, so I say sorry, it's just a hoover and I'll put it away. He continues to ask what is wrong with me and says I'm not right in the head. I tell him it's just a hoover and he says but leaving it out isn't normal and I'm mentally ill. I say 'youre telling me I'm mentally ill because I left out the hoover, really' he replies 'yes you're mentally ill and need help'.
I move the hoover and tell him he won't break me by telling me I'm mentally ill all the time and he replies 'if I wanted to break you I'd just leav you, you'd never cope without me'. I walk off and spend the evening in a separate room. My son unfortunately heard all this upstairs.

6am this morning my child woke. I got up to see him, I disturbed partner getting up. He starts getting angry telling me that I fucking woke him. As I reached our bedroom door he says "you always destroy me. Will you stop screaming and shouting". I wasn't even talking. I reply calmly saying I'm not shouting and he says, yes you are. Stop screaming and shouting. I get into bed with our son but don't sleep as I'm so stressed. Partner then tried talking to me as normal. I find it all really odd.

I don’t know why you are still there love. He sounds like a pitiful piece of shit.

Do you have any friends or family you can escape to?

He sounds like an absolute maniac. I hope you can get away from him soon

Gaslighting to the extreme my ex used to flip out then apologise to the neighbours saying I had an issue and I was having a go at him he also would follow me if I went out and act like I couldn't be out alone as it wasn't safe for me to take the children out alone I took them to school and watched them while he was at work (when he worked) daily he just didn't want me to be in town or at baby groups without him he also sends text messages saying I don't want you to get angry or I'm contacting you while the kids are at school so you don't upset them shouting at me or begging me not to get upset its all for show!

Even shouting at you to stop shouting think about it? what is your child going to remember? Daddy told mummy to stop shouting everyone will assume YOU WERE SHOUTING

leave

Fast

They never change my ex uses the threat of the police to keep his last two inline the woman he is with now he almost had arrested the one previously he DID have arrested he did try with me but I had a (police) witness that I was not calling him nor was I abusing him so he was told to stop it

Two things spring to mind:

1. he is an abuser or
2. he is mentally ill if he is hearing voices Either way, high tail it out of there with your son before he puts you in hospital

What the fuck haven't you left him yet?

He's either extremely abusive or he's mentally ill.

Get out before it escalates to physical abuse.

he is an evil excuse of a human! Leave him now as it’s only going to get worse. Please don’t allow your children to witness any more of this abuse.

He’s either a massive twat or there is something seriously psychologically wrong with him. It is not normal to say someone is shouting when you’re not speaking, the stool and hoover business also very strange, recording you etc…
IF he is hearing a voice when no one is speaking he could be seriously mentally ill, even potentially dangerous. ( I’m not a medic but previous boss’s dd was killed by her partner, later found to be psychotic)
Contact Women’s Aid . If you can take your child and stay with a friend or relative do so now.

I would be concerned if you leave he will claim you’re not capable and try and get custody of your son
Hide cameras around the house.
Get evidence of what he’s like.

Dont do anything drastic until you have this.

He sounds utterly toxic, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Do please try to put plans in place to leave, but strictly on the quiet, otherwise he’ll be trying even harder to make you think you’ve got mental health problems.

Oh my lovely I’m not surprised you’re stressed. You’re living with a dangerous man. You are not losing the plot.
I don’t know if you are aware it’s abusive behaviour, but it is.
You can call women’s aid as it doesn’t show in your history. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready to do but talking to someone may help you make important decisions for yourself when you are able.

He has most definitely lost the plot, and that's the least of it. He's abusive and out of control. Call Women's Aid for advice and get him out.

He is a an abusing twunt. Record him and use the recordings to take him to the cleaners.

This.
For god's sake, I wouldn't subject an animal to this let alone a child. What are you thinking to tolerate him?

This is no way to live.

From what you have written it's:
Your tenancy / house (not his)
Your child (not his)

This makes it very easy.
Kick off out immediately and tell him to shove his rent up his arse and sponge of his (adult) children.

Also Do the freedom programme and don't date for a while.

“Made us look like lower social class degenerates” I’ll have to remember that for when DH leaves his dirty socks around the house.

In all seriousness he sounds nasty. I’m a sorry your don’t deserve this.

Leeeeeaaaave. Asap. Extreme abuse this.

Oh you poor thing. He's psychotic and sounds dangerous. I hope you can leave and go somewhere safe x

Scary! This sounds like my dad, who is completely off his rocker, projects his mental illness onto others (me, being the scapegoat) narcissist, gaslighter, abuser, in all a total headcase. Haven't spoken to him in 15 years or so. Hopefully your DH isn't out of control and won't go to the lengths my dad has- when I stood up to him finally, he took me to court and accused me of being mentally ill to try and get custody of my children! Honestly the whole "she's crazy" diatribe is the tale as old as time, always made by crazy men. Hysterical is another word they use. Sad thing is, it usually works. I would seek out protections and be on the offense before he can. If you wait and try to defend yourself and the "crazy" accusation has been made, it's usually too late because a woman saying "I'm not crazy, he is" just confirms his accusations. You have to build your case first and get all the resources you can to back you up. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can tell you freedom from the bullshit feels really good. You have to get you and your DC out of there, witnessing abuse is just as bad or worse. I hope you leave the vacuum out for days once you do. It will feel great! Even better, you won't have to clean up after that pig anymore 💜

He's an arsehole who treats you like crap. Some of his responses - and you've only given us a snapshot - are straight from the abuser's playbook, which makes me think he is very far from "losing the plot" and is in fact completely in control of what he is doing to you.

He's wrong - you would cope without him, and be much happier and healthier for it.

On the subject of recording - it's time you started audio and video recording him.

You might be needing evidence.

You need to leave this prick

Many parents are on antidepressants. Having a mental health issue does not equate to unfit parenting. If he is using any threats like this with you please remember this and that the police would not be remotely interested in an adult taking antidepressants/ accessing mental health services/seeing a GP about their mental health.

Your partner is an abusive arsehole.

It's not your responsibility to work out why he's like this or how to stop his abusive behaviour. He behaves like this because he is abusive. Your responsibility is to yourself and your child

You're all so lovely, I don't even know what to make of it all anymore.

I'll try and answer a few questions

• we are not married
• he's 20 years older
• he's always been entitled, speaks over people (used to tell me not to talk and answer with one word)
• I think he's a narcissist as has every single trait
• I've recorded him in the past but a few days later was when he mentioned that he knows what I'm doing on my phone and said "are you going to record me again"
• he hates I've discussed our relationship with a member of his family. HATES me for it
• we are both on the tenancy but the property is far too expensive for me alone and my family are not local
• my family hate him

Sorry if I've missed anything

This is abuse, no other word for it, get out, protect yourself and your son from that idiot