To wait for inheritance before divorce?

[Definitionhelmet]

I have reached a difficult point in my marriage. DH has lied to me and there has been a break down of trust and communication. There has not been any abuse or infidelity but I am done.

DH knows how I feel but wants to stay married and to try and make it work.

The practicalities of separation are difficult. Kids are at a difficult stage and this would exacerbate their problems. Financially we can’t afford to maintain two households and stay in the same area. which would be essential for kids in f we did spilt.

In any case I can’t see a long term future with DH. but also I am not considering another relationship and I am scared about What the future would look like on my own.

But if I do delay the inevitable- for kids and practical reasons WIBU to at least hold on until DH inherits (likely a substantial amount in the next few years) as this would make separation an easier possibility. Or is this grabby, cynical and unfair on DH?

How can I navigate this?

It depends - are you hoping you’ll get a share of the inheritance if you hold on? Because inheritances are rarely considered marital assets and you would be unlikely to be entitled to a share of it.

Just leave if you want to leave and make it work.

Your current plan involves waiting for your DH to lose someone he loves and then taking that inherited money.

Regardless of the complete lack of morals on display there, do you really want to co-parent with someone who may intensely hate you as a result of your actions?

You know it'd be unfair.

Yes, very grabby

I waited 7 years . The inheritance went into the pot and a judge awarded me 50% of total assets

Interesting know if an inheritance is considered a joint asset?

You would make your DH think you are giving your marriage a chance while you wait for one of his close relatives to die, and then try and take half of this money? Are you actually serious? Yes YABU, what an awful person you must be…

Go for it.

Men hold too many cards in this world, hold out for half of everything.

I'd get my ducks in a row. He might also decide to divorce you before the money comes in.

There may not be any inheritance if they need care, if he does get any inheritance you may not get anything or your dc may get something when he dies. How old are dc, do you work or plan to work when they are older. If you both accept the marriage is over then it's not fair to stay together unless you can live separate lives in the same house until you feel more financially stable. If you own a home could you sell up and both get somewhere smaller.

Yes it is grabby and unfair on your dh.

He should preempt a death and divorce you.
Honestly, unless he’s literally abusing you and making your life hell (in which case you should leave immediately anyway) then there’s no way you should be holding out. It makes you amoral and deeply unpleasant. Based on the info you’ve given.

Would you consider couples counselling or is this a no for you?

More about the tricky stages for the dcs - are we talking secondary school and exam stages? How long until they are through? without abuse or someone else on the horizon for either of you, I’d hold on until exams were done even if that meant making a 2-3 year plan.

I know two people who did this, and they both got a 50 % share of their XH inheritance along with everything else in the marital pot. I think the law may be different in Scotland?

Yeah, fuck it! I would do anything to protect my DC and carve out a better life for them after the split.

However, you need to be wary of sunk cost fallacy here. How many years can you plod on?

While married though, the inheritance would be joint money? Isn't everything?
<ignorance>

This, money absolutely brings out the worst I people!!

Not just grabby but deceitful. I am shocked some responses actually condone this. I hope he divorces you before the inheritance comes through.

My ex had his Rottweiler of a solicitor attempt to incorporate my not very significant inheritance (£30k) into the financial order. So, they can try it on - and you could too I expect. It contributed to a less than ideal post divorce relationship. I think it was underhand.

Grasping, tacky, deceitful.

That's disgusting behaviour.

Grasping, tacky, deceitful
All the things we accuse men of threads after threads, to find out that a number of women really don't rise higher.

I think it would make you a terrible person you do you.

It's so weird that people do this. My ex wife's parent's gave us 100k deposit for our house. When we got divorced, we got the financial settlement house sold etc and I gave them 50k back (my half). People thought I was mental but it felt like the right thing to do.

Then you hear people staying married just to take the inheritance. Mind-blowing!

<sigh>