To wait for inheritance before divorce?

[Definitionhelmet]

I have reached a difficult point in my marriage. DH has lied to me and there has been a break down of trust and communication. There has not been any abuse or infidelity but I am done.

DH knows how I feel but wants to stay married and to try and make it work.

The practicalities of separation are difficult. Kids are at a difficult stage and this would exacerbate their problems. Financially we can’t afford to maintain two households and stay in the same area. which would be essential for kids in f we did spilt.

In any case I can’t see a long term future with DH. but also I am not considering another relationship and I am scared about What the future would look like on my own.

But if I do delay the inevitable- for kids and practical reasons WIBU to at least hold on until DH inherits (likely a substantial amount in the next few years) as this would make separation an easier possibility. Or is this grabby, cynical and unfair on DH?

How can I navigate this?

Op I do feel for you about not leaving due to not being able to afford two households. I'm hearing about divorces being postponed all over the western world due to col. I'm also hearing of couples breaking up but staying in the home together, so they both don't have two kids in a one bed apt.

I wouldn't get involved in pretending and deception though.

Nope.

Totally immoral to do this.

You say yourself that there has been no abuse or infidelity. Why not try to work on the marriage and/or wait until the kids have finished school? That is a very common arrangement and your children sound as if they are already teenagers, though I could be wrong.

I can't imagine pinning hopes on the death of a spousal's loved one to tide me over. Unless you have seen the will for yourself, which sounds highly unlikely, you have no idea how much he is set to inherit - if at all.

Have some self respect OP. Ffs.

If you have young children you will no doubt be left to provide for them I can understand why you would want to wait. But if it is considerable it could be put in a trust that you would won’t be able to touch.

Go now
any financial losses may be at the expense of your and DC mental health
have faith it will be worth it

I can't imagine pinning hopes on the death of a spousal's loved one to tide me over.

Perhaps you’re really well off. Or perhaps you’ve never been faced with having to move your kids out of the area they grew up in, away from their school, their friends, their dad, because you can’t afford to stay.

Im fairly sure OP wouldn’t be considering this if she could simply move to another place in the area and continue.

Nope. Not working as have a child with complex needs so Christmas is looking very basic so far.

I still wouldn't do this. It isn't right. OP can cope just fine without the money, she'll just have to move further out.

Imagine someone doing this to one of your kods one day.... waiting for you to die so they can divorce them, would that be fair?
You say the trust is broken on your marriage whilst planning to behave in a dis-honourable way yourself.
Pot, kettle....

Or is this grabby, cynical and unfair on DH?

Yes. Why not go the whole hog and bump his remaining parent off now?

One of the most important things we can give our children is a sense of ethics, besides your children will probably take their dad's side

Extremely poor form to even suggest it. I suspect from your comments you know this too.

Work towards a fair settlement not one you have deceitfully acquired. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself in the long run.

Being honest is not a privilege. I know more honest people who are poor

⬆️ this. YABVU and grabby and selfish.

So you’ll wait around until your husband’s parents die, and then leave him? Nice.

Depends on what she has had to put up with and put into the marriage.

Agreed, OP what you are suggesting is vile

I would, he lied to you and for me that would mean that all bets of decency are off. He wasn't thinking of you when he lied, you weren't thinking of him when you made your life significantly better with his inheritance.

Good for you!

It was very noble, you’ve got to stick to your own values. I hope it didn’t impact you too much

Apart from the morality issue as plenty of PP’s have covered that.
Could you face pretending your marriage was still going okay, albeit with some challenges, so in fact lie not only to him but your family and friends as well perhaps for years? Also lying to your kids ( even if only by omission) and having to keep up an act 24/7 even at home.
What about sex, could you make yourself go through it occasionally to keep the illusion going?
Have you really thought this through?

I hope with every inch of my being that my son never meets a partner like you.

Never, ever bank on an inheritance coming in.

Depends on what her partner did to break the trust in the marriage.

Depends on what her partner did to break the trust in the marriage.

Unless it involves stealing a sum from her equal to half the value of his inheritance, I cannot see how her proposed cause of action will make any genuine amends.

And if he did steal a sum from her equal to half the value of his inheritance, there will be legal redress available to her anyway.