To wait for inheritance before divorce?

[Definitionhelmet]

I have reached a difficult point in my marriage. DH has lied to me and there has been a break down of trust and communication. There has not been any abuse or infidelity but I am done.

DH knows how I feel but wants to stay married and to try and make it work.

The practicalities of separation are difficult. Kids are at a difficult stage and this would exacerbate their problems. Financially we can’t afford to maintain two households and stay in the same area. which would be essential for kids in f we did spilt.

In any case I can’t see a long term future with DH. but also I am not considering another relationship and I am scared about What the future would look like on my own.

But if I do delay the inevitable- for kids and practical reasons WIBU to at least hold on until DH inherits (likely a substantial amount in the next few years) as this would make separation an easier possibility. Or is this grabby, cynical and unfair on DH?

How can I navigate this?

Actually, I don't think most men serve their own purpose. Sure some do, as do some women. But this is pure misandry.
As for the OP: despicable idea. Either you want a divorce or you don't. Stay a while longer for the DC perhaps but not in the hope of someone else's inheritance!

Nasty grabby and disgusting.

This.

Plus no guarantee he'll even get an inheritance. Are his parents even sick? They might need care homes 🤷‍♀️

What a nasty piece of work. Thank god he's your ex.

But she's holding out divorcing him till the inheritance clears. So as soon as she can I'd assume. Vile.

Or are we meant to be 'go girl! Screw him over when he's low! Yay!'

Why yes, she could be the OP.

Is she going to wait for probate?

The fact remains she'd be taking away money that is only happening because of the death of her OH''s loved one.

There is no situation you can present to me in which I'll ever think its ok. Its grabby and cruel.

I hope after you’ve wasted years trying to take his inheritance, he divorces you before it comes to fruition.

Should he be unlucky enough to lose this person before, I hope he spends all of it dragging you through the courts.

Dear Lord,
^^
Thank you for introducing me to MN. I now know that should I gift my child anything or leave them an inheritance, I will tie it up with all types of legal chords - no greedy person will succeed in waiting for me to die so they can take it.
^^
Amen!

Lovely that you’re fine with her DH being a liar and breaking her trust, but any hint that OP wants to stay in her marriage for money and you want to burn her at the stake.

Who’s the ‘we’? You don’t speak for everyone.

She wants to use her DH’s family money to provide a home for her kids and keep them at their school and near their dad. If their dad could be trusted, which clearly he can’t, you’d think he’d want that for them too.

Yet a number of posters so “grabby” that they think it more important for DH to bank it than for it to be used to house his kids.

Dear Lord I’m so preoccupied with cash that I never want my money to be used to house or support my grandkids. I would like to stash it in a wall and be buried with it.

If we’re going for the dramatic, maybe my son will house his children…

Maybe I’ll leave them little trust funds to see them right?

Maybe he’ll pay sufficient generous child support? Use the inheritance to support them at uni?

Maybe he’ll help them purchase homes when the time comes?

Maybe he’ll pay do any number of things that mean my inheritance will burst forth from the wall it’s buried behind to help my help my grandchildren.

Really, the children benefitting doesn’t rely solely on the other parent sitting around waiting for me to kick the bucket.

Exactly this. I'm terrified of my DS getting married for this reason.

Grabby and nasty.

It’s attitudes like yours that make people sympathetic to the men that are financially screwed over by divorce, and for you to be sniffing around an inheritance several years before a death is expected says a lot about the person you are and why your marriage might be failing.

But fine with him being a liar and untrustworthy. Ok 🤣

I'd be thinking practically not emotionally. When it comes to the finances now, what is there? Often the man has the bigger pension for example and the woman gets royally screwed that way - do you have a pension or are you relying on DH for this? I'd be taking all this into account l. If you have no pension then yes, wait for the money.

I think you're the op under a different name. You're the only one defending this grabby , disgusting behaviour.

Marriage is a legal and financial contract. It is not just about love.

You bring to the table what you bring: chemistry, principles, looks, health, finances.

When the initial contract is broken, by lies or infidelity or other, then the rest is up for negotiation.

OP, do what you need to do, for your children.

Surely the thing to do is whatever is best for the children

So ..... IF inheritance is included in the divorce money pot (i dont know if it is)

and the children can cope with the family situation as it is now for a while longer

AND the children will be better housed/cared for post divorce if both parents have a share of the inheritance

then I'd say yes, hold on a bit longer to see if the inheritance is forthcoming

HOWEVER..... if the children would be happier if you divorce now (for example if the tensions in the family home now, are unbearable) then no.....do not wait for the inheritance

The kids are the important thing. If holding out for the inheritance means that there will be enough money in the pot for 2 households in your current area, and you think you can do it, then do it.

Moral purity at the expense of the children is poor strategy.

Because every word a woman writes about her marital problems is as good as holy writ, he may see things differently.
The grandparents ' money would not be providing for their grandchildren, preventing them living in a cardboard box, their parents, both of them, would be doing that either with or without this inheritance.

If the relative goes into care, I think they can keep £23k?

If they haven't prepaid their funeral , this will have to come out if that sum so you'd be left with maybe £15k and your share would be at best £7.5k.

I'm not sure I'd hold on for years when that is a likely outcome.

OP just to say, your original post actually makes quite clear that your aim is not to 'take his money'. You're just hoping that the inheritance will give you both as parents the leeway to keep your children in their area and ease the shock.

So all the ppl shouting 'nasty grabby awful' can sit down and practice reading comprehension. Not to mention compassion.

That said, if he wants you to stay, it's far from clear he'd be willing to use the inheritance to ease the situation. And you need to consider your mental health. Hope you find a way forward.