AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

[JustKeepSwimmingAlong]

I’ve taken my kids swimming tonight, both have separate swimming lessons and I swam with one while the other had theirs. Eldest is male, 9 and has multiple additional needs including ADHD, ASD and some physical disabilities which means he struggles to change himself. Youngest is in nursery so can dress herself but does need supervision. We got out the pool and realised all the changing rooms were full. There were 8 classes on over multiple pools, as well as general swim on at the same time. There’s only two family/accessible changing rooms and the others are all individual. There were literal queues for the large changing rooms.
I then noticed people going out of the group change. I’ve not used it before, but there was a male and a female changing room, so we went in the females. There was no one in it so started laying out the kids clothes and getting them to shower. Got them out the showers and started to get them dressed and people started coming in. There were a couple of mums with young girls and boys, and then a teenager looking girl came in by herself. She immediately came over to tell me that we were in the female room. I explained my son needed help getting changed and the changing rooms were full, but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.
We were nearly Finished and my son was fully dressed when she arrived. He sat next to me, facing the wall and we left within a few minutes. During this time, she did get changed, so we didn’t delay her. Now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable?
I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I really don’t know what else I could have done in the situation? There’s too many classes and too few changing rooms, and we need a larger/accessible one, but they’re the only ones with baby change so they’re really
Popular. The lessons are every week so now I’m wondering what I can do next week? Would I be unreasonable to keep using the group change if there are no other options available?

Should have used the group change.

Sorry but the female group changing room is exactly that - for females. Very young boys are usually accepted in this as they obviously can't change alone, but I'd imagine a 14yo girl would probably struggle to be comfortable with any boys around.

As your son was dressed already, then couldn't he have waited outside?

I don't think this changing room is right for your needs - your son is too old to be in a space designated for females. I appreciate he had additional needs, and waiting for the accessible/unisex space is a pain, but it's not for women and girls to have to have their space shared with boys changing at that age.

I think you were fine. Wouldn’t bother me.

I think waiting for the group change would have been best.

She did…

OP I don’t think you did anything wrong. 9 is still a child and he has additional needs. Teen didn’t do anything wrong either. It’s just one of those things.

Get him a changing poncho under a tenner so he can get his wet stuff off whilst waiting

depending how your fixed for money you can get a dry robe type of thing for between £30 and £40

for a young girl to challenge you she obviously felt uncomfortable

I’m sure she said she did…

But you can't speak for all women and girls using the spaces specifically designated for them.

What is the group change - do you mean a single-sex area where everyone gets changed in the open? If so, then yes I do think you shouldn't bring a 9yo boy in there. I appreciate you were in a tough spot but the girls changing there have their own needs. I think you should have waited for a mixed or private space.

A 9 year old boy is too old really to be in the females, it would make most teenage girls uncomfortable and that’s not right. I think you need to wait for the individual changing rooms.

Please use a group or family changing room. I appreciate it was busy but female changing rooms are for women and girls only - my daughter would have been mortified. You could perhaps get away with a toddler but no older. I'm sympathetic OP but you were wrong to do this.

Hmmm I'm really on the fence so went with Yanbu however if it was me I think I would wait until the family changing was free to avoid incidents just like this despite not feeling like you're doing anything particularly wrong - I think 9 is borderline for still being young enough to go in female changing so maybe you're just coming to the end of that.

I understand your dilemma but I don't think you can continue to use a female changing room for an extended period. I agree that young girl was brave to challenge you and you can't have that happen again

Awkward as it is I think you'll have to work out a way to get some clothes on to you all and back to the car so you can all shower at home. Quick rub with a towel, trackies on, leave.

As in the larger rooms.

Yes I do think you need to wait for a separate changing space. Whilst I appreciate it is a tough situation and your sons needs are important, that doesn't make it more important than young girls and women's rights to feel safe and comfortable in their designated spaces. Could you make the pool aware of the issue to see if they can assist at all or have any disabled provision?

but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.

It wouldn't bother me but since you asked what else could you have done, the answer is to queue up whilst being cold and wet just like everyone else did.

You can't really go swimming without getting cold and wet.

I think you should have waited for the family changing to be available. That's really unfair to young girls who need to use the female space.

I would ask the pool what their policy is and what facilities might be available for those with additional needs, most places require children over a certain age to use individual changing cubicles or the relevant female / male changing. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a 9yr old boy to be in an open plan female changing area, particularly when there’s teenage girls using it.

You were not the 14 year old girl in that situation though.

I think the problem here is that the accessible rooms double as the family change.

More families need to be directed to the communal rooms to allow those who cannot access the single sex rooms a suitable facility

How do you no she was 14?

I think you should've waited in the queue personally. I completely understand it feels rubbish to queue when you're looking after children with additional needs, but 9 feels just a tad too old. I would imagine a 9 year old girl would feel uncomfortable having a male peer see her naked.

Most pools changing rooms have a limit of age 8 for children of the opposite sex and it makes sense.

Puberty hitting soon and making the people of that sex uncomfortable with a now bigger child in their area.

Neither of my daughters would want a boy of 9 seeing them in the open changing areas changing.

You should have waited. I understand it’s difficult, but girls and women deserve privacy.

Hmmm but you’re not a teenage girl. I imagine she gets leered at at school everyday - she may not want a boy anywhere near her while she’s getting changed in her leisure time as well!