AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

[JustKeepSwimmingAlong]

I’ve taken my kids swimming tonight, both have separate swimming lessons and I swam with one while the other had theirs. Eldest is male, 9 and has multiple additional needs including ADHD, ASD and some physical disabilities which means he struggles to change himself. Youngest is in nursery so can dress herself but does need supervision. We got out the pool and realised all the changing rooms were full. There were 8 classes on over multiple pools, as well as general swim on at the same time. There’s only two family/accessible changing rooms and the others are all individual. There were literal queues for the large changing rooms.
I then noticed people going out of the group change. I’ve not used it before, but there was a male and a female changing room, so we went in the females. There was no one in it so started laying out the kids clothes and getting them to shower. Got them out the showers and started to get them dressed and people started coming in. There were a couple of mums with young girls and boys, and then a teenager looking girl came in by herself. She immediately came over to tell me that we were in the female room. I explained my son needed help getting changed and the changing rooms were full, but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.
We were nearly Finished and my son was fully dressed when she arrived. He sat next to me, facing the wall and we left within a few minutes. During this time, she did get changed, so we didn’t delay her. Now I’m wondering if I was unreasonable?
I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but I really don’t know what else I could have done in the situation? There’s too many classes and too few changing rooms, and we need a larger/accessible one, but they’re the only ones with baby change so they’re really
Popular. The lessons are every week so now I’m wondering what I can do next week? Would I be unreasonable to keep using the group change if there are no other options available?

Unfortunately he’s too old to be in the women’s changing area. I sympathise with your predicament but you can’t take him into the women’s indefinitely.

Exactly this.

Wouldn't bother me, either. But that isn't the point.

@SnowflakeSparkles It is not normal for a girl or woman to have to change in front of older boys. The age limit is usually 8, but this is a limit not a target, boys may use the mens younger than this, my older boy did as he was no longer comfortable in the women's. 9 is certainly too old, it is not borderline at all. Why should girls and women go elsewhere, it is a female space?

9 is far too old for this and YABVU to dismiss a teen girl trying to assert boundaries about her body in the current gender ideology climate. Let’s hope you haven’t deterred her from speaking up again.

The teenager was not being unreasonable expecting only females, or only very young boys, in a female changing area.

I think you were wrong using the female only changing room.
However, I would challenge the pool about the accessible cubicles. Having a DC with additional needs may also include an inability to wait ...
Could you ask if there are additional group changing rooms that are used by schools?
You could ask for one of these. Our council run pool has them no lockers but benches all round and in the middle.

No. Op and her son should’ve used the toilets to get changed rather than making a young girl uncomfortable in a space she is entitled to use.

utter nonsense

The teenager was absolutely not unreasonable to not want to change in front of a boy 2 years off secondary school

I still think the OP needs to come back and clarify if there were individual cubicles the teen could access. My take is that there were, which is why I don't think it's too bad.

What are you not getting about this being a female space?

Fair play to the girl for asserting herself, but to be fair, there was nobody in there when you arrived. If you’d happened in upon a 14 year old girl and carried on regardless that would be different I think, but you didn’t do anything wrong - sometimes we have to work it out as we go along I think.

Maybe they were also busy, or just maybe a female in a female space trumps any male trying to invade that space (unless they're very small).

Why should a female have to get changed elsewhere because of males in the female changing area?

and we wonder why too many men don’t respect boundaries when so many are taught from a young age they are an exception to the boundaries

I disagree. Completely. She was being eminently reasonable.

Agree probably ok when nobody’s there but when others who are actually meant to use the space then enter AND express discomfort it is no longer ok.

Knowing how hard most teenage girls find any sort of "confrontation" with an adult, I think the fact that this girl came and told you that you son being there was making her uncomfortable and you chose to ignore her discomfort, makes you very unreasonable. Why does your convenience trump her discomfort?

The teenage girl is also a child who has more of a right to use that space than your boys. Grim attitude

Protecting your boys does not include giving them acess to or priority in what is clearly a female only space.

(As it is I am the mother of a boy, not a girl).

I don't really think the situations are comparable.

The dad was the carer in that scenario (not using the facilities himself) with a child in urgent need (I believe the child was going to poop themselves) whereas in this scenario the need was not urgent.