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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

265 replies

PremiumRaa · 19/11/2023 22:05

I know I am, but I need someone to hear me as I don't feel I can say this in RL.

DH and I have been married for 10 years, I suffered with infertility and after IVF had our son two years ago. Even though he was much longer for I'm almost ashamed to say that I was desperate for a girl. I work in a very female industry, I have many female friends and have always been close to my mum. I imagined all the typical things I might do with a daughter. I found out I was having a son and was disappointed but also elated to be having a baby.

Six months ago DH and I found out we are unexpectedly pregnant again. I never expected to have more than one DC so it's been a shock. Part of me was wishing that this was my chance to have a daughter, however the child is another boy. This is so much for me to get my head around. Please don't flame me, I just need to know if anyone can understand.

OP posts:
Everydayisanewday · 19/11/2023 22:08

I wanted a daughter first time round. Son arrived. Second time I wanted a son as I figured they’d be better friends. My 2 are in their 20s and have been great friends since they were young and still are.
I have great relationships with both of them and enjoy their girlfriends and my niece.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 19/11/2023 22:11

It will pass. Sons can still have close relationships with you. My sons are delightful and i truly enjoyed them. Be grateful for the blessing you have been given. Your boys might really bond with each other more so than if they were boy/girl And have a wonderful close relationship. Look for the positives. I do understand that if you had your heart set on a girl it can be disappointing but this baby is an unexpected gift.

AndanteFernando · 19/11/2023 22:11

You can’t help how you feel. Take a deep breath, let yourself feel a few days of grief and loss for the girl you dreamed of, and then accept that another cute little boy will be completing your family. Hope it all goes well.

FilthyforFirth · 19/11/2023 22:13

I hate these threads. It is always bashing boys, people never seem disappointed to have girls... Given you thought you couldnt fall naturally I would focus on that.

Hibambinos · 19/11/2023 22:15

You know the saying mummy’s boys , daddy’s girls. I’m sure you’ll have wonderful relationships with your boys .

Chipsahoyagain · 19/11/2023 22:15

I have one of each and my dd is such a dads girl. She absolutely adores him. She's only a baby though and her entire first year revolves around dh so you might be wishing for something that doesn't happen. otoh my ds is sooo close to me from baby till now (7yo).

TeaKitten · 19/11/2023 22:15

Bit silly putting this in AIBU OP, it’s like you want a bashing. Maybe ask for it to be moved. Obviously you are BU and if you get to take a healthy baby home at the end of your pregnancy you should be very grateful.

Crunchingleaf · 19/11/2023 22:15

Only boys here. Wouldn’t change them and their cheeky smiles.
They give best hugs.

SconeChick · 19/11/2023 22:17

Sorry, I don't understand. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I had my first son after many years of trying. Couldn't believe I fell pregnant again with my younger son. I am so happy to have 2 healthy children, 20 months apart. They're now 14 and 12 and get on so well. Would I have liked a girl? maybe early into second pregnancy but having 2 children of the same sex is nothing to be upset about x

Hoglet70 · 19/11/2023 22:18

I was disappointed to find out I was having a son but he's an absolute delight, at 18 he is a fantastic lad. My step daughter is not so nice. Boys are generally affectionate and loving and from my own experience and my friends, boys are much easier in general.

AbsolutelyFemale · 19/11/2023 22:18

3 boys here, they're an absolute pleasure honestly. Wouldn't change them for the world. Just enjoy your precious miracles honestly, you're so lucky 💗

lozrox90 · 19/11/2023 22:20

I have two boys. I also longed for a daughter and am ashamed to admit that I cried when I found out my second was a boy. I wouldn't change a thing now, they are my absolute world and it's true what they say about 'Mummy's boy, Daddy's girl' - I have a beautiful relationship with both of them. They also have a such a special brothers' bond. You can have just as fantastic bond with sons as you can with daughters, I promise ❤️

bakewellbride · 19/11/2023 22:20

I have one of each and both are a joy. My 5 year old ds said completely unprompted last night 'mummy I love you, you're so beautiful'. He is always keen to help around the house and is a total breeze to food shop with. Every parents evening nothing but good things, he's kind caring, tries his best etc. Honestly the perfect kid. It's a shame you feel the way you do and no I don't understand it. A child of either sex is a blessing and I know 2 friends whose babies have died so honestly a living child is something to be grateful for.

Clawdy · 19/11/2023 22:20

Sad?? I have two friends who would have given everything in the world to have two healthy little boys.

myotherkidisacassowary · 19/11/2023 22:21

I don’t understand either, but threads come up on mumsnet all the time about people feeling sad that they’re having sons (and it’s always sons people are disappointed about). So you aren’t alone, even if it’s baffling to most people.

You presumably wouldn’t swap your son for a girl now that you have him. You’ll feel the same about the new baby too.

catscalledbeanz · 19/11/2023 22:22

It's easy to feel disappointed or unnerved in pregnancy because any baby/ child is nothing but an idea. When your son is here you'll laugh at yourself and he'll be all you ever wanted. He is the right fit for your family. As all the other posters have said- your two boys will be friends and your boys. You are mourning the loss of an imaginary ideal that didn't exist. Don't worry about it. Feel how you feel.

Snowonthebeachx · 19/11/2023 22:22

FilthyforFirth · 19/11/2023 22:13

I hate these threads. It is always bashing boys, people never seem disappointed to have girls... Given you thought you couldnt fall naturally I would focus on that.

Yes this! It's always hating on boys!

OP in the nicest possible way you need to have a word with yourself. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

LucyTeatime · 19/11/2023 22:22

YANBU - the heart wants what it wants.

DisquietintheRanks · 19/11/2023 22:23

Tell me of all these "typical" things you can do with a daughter but not a son?

TeaKitten · 19/11/2023 22:23

LucyTeatime · 19/11/2023 22:22

YANBU - the heart wants what it wants.

That doesn’t make it reasonable though!

LakeTiticaca · 19/11/2023 22:24

I think you should give you head a wobble. I bet there are ladies reading this who would chop a leg off for a healthy baby, girl or boy

bakewellbride · 19/11/2023 22:25

Also to add there is a lot of stress and worry that comes with having daughters that doesn't come with sons. The minefield is when ear piercing is allowed / make up etc. If my ds has her own baby then I'll be worried to death about her in labour. And when mine are teens it'll be dd I'll be worried about out on her own at night rather than ds. Don't get me wrong I LOVE having one of each and feel so grateful to have a daughter but I'm not looking forward to a future ear piercing argument! With ds there presumably won't be such an argument.

bakewellbride · 19/11/2023 22:26

If my dd that should've said!

redautumnleaves · 19/11/2023 22:26

It's ok to be sad and feel grief about something you wanted so much. It's ok to say that you want a girl. It's ok to feel what you are feeling. Try to separate the sadness you feel for what is like a loss from the joy and happiness that your new baby boy will bring. Try to find the time to keep this baby in mind, what you're excited about doing with him and imagining the first time you'll hold him in your arms, etc.

Mossstitch · 19/11/2023 22:26

Only boys here......and they are the best!! Much easier having the same sex op, I never got on with my brother but all boys together entertain each other and you may be surprised at their interests. One of mine wanted to learn to knit and a sewing machine for xmas one year, then proceeded to make curtains for our new house as a teenager, two can cook really well even bake bread and cookies. They are much closer to me than their dad (divorced) and the two youngest are best mates despite 4 year age gap and choose to live together.