To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

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I know I am, but I need someone to hear me as I don't feel I can say this in RL.

DH and I have been married for 10 years, I suffered with infertility and after IVF had our son two years ago. Even though he was much longer for I'm almost ashamed to say that I was desperate for a girl. I work in a very female industry, I have many female friends and have always been close to my mum. I imagined all the typical things I might do with a daughter. I found out I was having a son and was disappointed but also elated to be having a baby.

Six months ago DH and I found out we are unexpectedly pregnant again. I never expected to have more than one DC so it's been a shock. Part of me was wishing that this was my chance to have a daughter, however the child is another boy. This is so much for me to get my head around. Please don't flame me, I just need to know if anyone can understand.

These threads always descend into OP bashing and stereotypes about children.

Oh I have 2 boys and maybe had hoped a tiny bit the second might be a daughter but DS2 is soooo amazing. Honestly. Can't imagine him being anyone else but him now, he's perfect for us.

I can relate a little bit to what you've said. I have a really close relationship with my mum and grandmother and always imagined I'd carry that on with a daughter. I didn't find out the gender of my baby and when a boy came out I was so shocked in a good way and just fell in love with him completely, and visions of a possible daughter were just gone and replaced by my boy. Couldn't imagine having a different child instead.

I actually think if you're desperate for a certain gender that not finding out the gender might be a good idea. Because you're more likely to be disappointed at a gender scan than at the actual birth of your child.

It's always boys. Never girls.

I have 2 adult children, and I'm closer to my son. My mum is closer to my brother than me. Mums and boys - it's a very strong bond.

I can understand your disappointment but believe me boys are way better than girls! Girls turn into teen nightmares and can make life hell in general

Oh give over with your misogynistic twaddle!

In lot of cultures they are dissapointed if the baby is a girl, I think its just in the western were lot of women ( and men) prefer to have a girl.

My friend had two boys and was so disappointed. She was incredibly jealous of people who had daughters to the point she was almost unable to socialise with them. She openly acknowledged her feelings but never really learned to overcome them sadly so she has continued to be bitter about the situation. So my advice OP is to grieve for what you cannot have but then to take steps to come to terms with your feelings, even if this involves counselling or therapy. You can’t just snap out of it; I understand that, but you can take action that will help you to be more positive.

My first was a boy and he wasn’t your stereotypical boy. He loved art and crafts, baking and was very sensitive. My 2nd was a girl and it took 6 years to have her so was happy anyway. She is not a stereotypical girl, she hates pink, loves gaming, D&D and now manga. When she was younger she loved power rangers, avengers, Star Wars and hated Disney princesses! She’s definitely been more challenging and didn’t sleep through for 3 and a half years.
I was so excited to have a girl and thought we could do girl things. She refused and all the lovely girly outfits were never worn. I asked her recently if she will come with me to see the Aladdin musical and she looked at me like I had lost my mind.
What I’m trying to say is that all children are so different and just because you expect something to be a certain way doesn’t mean it will be.
Congratulations on having another baby!

As someone who is TTC right now and having no luck. Yes you are being unreasonable.

Gender disappointment is real and you can't help it however you are very lucky to have your sons so think positively.
My Nan had all boys then all granddaughters.

That’s not a realistic ideal though. It’s a bit like being disappointed if your husband is not Prince Charming and you don’t live in a castle.

Your relationship with your child will be unique and wonderful and there’s every chance that you’ll be just as close to a boy as you would to a girl. My brother certainly is much closer to my mum than I am; it’s a personality thing not a sex thing.

You can’t help how you feel, OP.

But these threads make me sad. They are usually about someone who is disappointed to be having a 2nd son then, in their attempts to make the OP feel better, turn to girl bashing! Hideous stereotypes all the way!

I bet if you spoke to a lot of men who only had daughters you’d find quite a few of them who were very disappointed not to get a son.

I think it’s completely understandable for a dad to want a son and a mum to want a daughter.

Like I said, men feel disappointment about girls in exactly the same way as OP is feeling about having another boy, except this website is primarily for women to vent on so of course there will be a biased view that it’s “only boys” that nobody wants.

Well TBF we’ve had MILLENNIA of that, but anyway it’s not a very helpful comment for the OP

OP, you can’t help how you feel, so don’t feel bad about it. When he arrives you will love him as he is - two boys can be a delightful combination, and whatever the fantasy in your head, you can be as close to a son as a daughter.

I am sure you’ll raise them brilliantly and your future DILs (or SILs) and grandchildren of either flavour will be very grateful.

My mum and brother are probably the closest in our family. He has always liked stereotypical boys things, they don't share similar interests but they are similar in nature. They meet for after work cocktails and are two peas in the same pod.

I hope I have a similar relationship with my son.

A boy's best friend is his mother!

Mum of 2 boys here - I always thought I’d have a girl so it did take some adjustment, but honestly I just love them so much and it is so lovely to see their friendship growing. I can’t really imagine being a girl mum now! Plus it is a hell of a lot easier logistically to have 2 the same and just use all the same stuff (I would have been a nightmare buying girls baby clothes. Not even pink stuff but vintage baby girl clothes, bobo choses etc). Allow yourself to feel how you feel but then get excited for your new bundle of joy.

Exactly the same here! I thought "daddy's girl" / "mummy's boy" was just something people said but couldn't be truer in our house!

That’s because it’s a women’s site.

Lots of men want a son, lots of women want a daughter. Not always obviously but a desire for a child of your own sex is usually the preference if there is one

Just to soften the blow a bit, I can tell you as a woman I can't stand perfume, going clothes shopping, beauty therapy, wearing pink or any of these types of things you'd have your heart set on with a daughter in years to come. My mum doesn't get to do these things like shopping with me but she does have my brother to help out there with stuff like that.

I have several DS and see them as individuals not what genitalia they have. They are all different.

You are not being unreasonable to feel like this now, your idea and desire has not been met. But once he is here safely, you will probably just see that he fits in perfectly.

I do understand i was like that when i was pregnant, i knew it was probably our only chance and i dreaded the thought of a girl (i know once here i may have adored her) but luckily we had a boy. But it's ok to have a desire.

There's a lot of people asking why it's always boy bashing.

Statistically speaking you're slightly more likely to have a boy than a girl. There are always slightly more boys born than girls. I think there is a lot to be said of the mother daughter bond for a lot of people who then want to replicate it and then there are people like myself, who have horrible mothers and really wanted a girl to have a healthy mother daughter bond with.

I don't think it's boy bashing, I think we're still slightly stuck in the gender role thing too, that boys will grow up wanting to do stuff with their Dads all the time, be into Football or Rugby and this prompts the want for a girl to do girly things with. Of course this forgets the fact that many girls love sports and many boys love hanging out with their Mums, but it's quite a societal influenced issue imo.

My girl is a mummy's girl so complete opposite.

OP I can assure you that you will be so in love once your son is born. I was disappointed that my third was a boy…absolutely ok to have feelings.
Now I cannot imagine how life would have been if he was a girl. Probably the same TBH 🤷‍♀️X