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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend hurt me on purpose during sex

516 replies

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:39

I just need some advice because he won't speak to me, he's upset with me and is acting like I've done something wrong.

Boyfriend and I were having sex (after an argument about me feeling like he doesn't care about my pleasure during sex as he never makes an effort to finish me off)

While having sex he asked me to turn over, I have endometriosis and this position is very painful for me. We do that position occasionally (it's not always painful depending on time of the month) this time I said no as I knew it would hurt he asked again I said no again so he grabbed my leg and put it on his shoulder- a position I have never liked and he knows hurts me and at this time in my cycle it is exceptionally painful so I screamed. I started crying from the pain and he's stormed off mad.
I've asked him to speak to me, he doesn't want to, he's upset with me, I have no idea what I did.
I'm in so much pain, it's really uncomfortable and painful.
I've told him I'm in pain, he doesn't seem to give a shit.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 19/11/2023 20:40

Leave him OP. This will not get better x

madeinmanc · 19/11/2023 20:40

Leave him.

Petrarkanian · 19/11/2023 20:40

Leave

LemonCurd1 · 19/11/2023 20:40

I am sorry you got hurt but if you stay a minute longer with this prink, you are being unreasonable.

SockQueen · 19/11/2023 20:40

He should not be your boyfriend any more.

Rockfordpeach · 19/11/2023 20:40

Leave him

existentialpain · 19/11/2023 20:41

The only appropriate response is to leave him. He is abusive.

RexMyDarling · 19/11/2023 20:41

Leave him. He essentially raped you. You asked him to stop and he ignored you. Total scumbag.

Topjoe19 · 19/11/2023 20:41

Get away from him now & never look back.

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 19/11/2023 20:41

You need a new boyfriend. This one is horrible.

fruitbrewhaha · 19/11/2023 20:41

Oh OP. This is not someone you should want to be with. How shitty.

Maray1967 · 19/11/2023 20:42

Dump him now. Right now.

You need to read my next words very carefully: you did nothing wrong. He did. And that is why he has to go. He wants you to agree to sex acts that he likes, whether it not they’re painful for you. Please think very carefully about what that means.

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 19/11/2023 20:42

Leave him. He's already abused you and I'd venture to suggest he might not stop next time.

Batshitcrazy007 · 19/11/2023 20:42

U need to dump this inconsiderate piece of crap
He’s clearly not bothered about your feelings and also stop means stop no means no this is abuse
big hugs regarding the endometriosis fellow sufferer here and it’s bloody awful 🩷

mumstheword001 · 19/11/2023 20:42

Sex should be a two way thing. Not one person in charge or making it all about them and their needs. You communicated to him that that position was painful to you, and he still did it.

That to me shows lack of respect to you. I would seriously think about leaving. I’m sorry that has happened. X

DiscoBeat · 19/11/2023 20:42

Gosh I'm sorry op, that's awful. It would be the end of the relationship for me

EvilElsa · 19/11/2023 20:43

Leave. He's a total prick. Don't waste your life with this twat.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/11/2023 20:43

This is grim. He’s an awful person (even if sometimes he’s nice).

MrsTWH · 19/11/2023 20:43

I’m so sorry, OP.
YANBU.
and he would no longer be my boyfriend as well.

Blueeyedmale · 19/11/2023 20:43

Absolutely leave him your not his play thing your a human being with feelings the way he treated you was utterly appalling you deserve better no means no he needs to respect that, he's a risk to women with this behaviour

Pixilicious1 · 19/11/2023 20:43

Leave him. He hurt you on purpose because he was angry. That’s physical and sexual abuse.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/11/2023 20:43

If you loved someone, would you do anything, purely for your pleasure, that hurt them? Even if you were ambivalent towards someone, would you do that?

That's what he thinks of you. Why do you think you should be the one to do something about it?

CyberCritical · 19/11/2023 20:44

Hi OP, what would you say to a friend if she told you that her boyfriend had deliberately done something that caused her to scream with pain during sex, even after she said no?

BestZebbie · 19/11/2023 20:44

The only possible consequence for that is that he doesn’t get to have sex with you anymore.
You could go through a long process of trying to make him understand and demonstrate growth, but then it will wear off and he’ll hurt you again before you leave, so just leave now.

Celia24 · 19/11/2023 20:44

I have Endo OP and this lack of empathy is unacceptable. An ex for.his other flaws accidentally hurt me before and couldn't stop apologizing!

Dump this one.