Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend hurt me on purpose during sex

516 replies

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:39

I just need some advice because he won't speak to me, he's upset with me and is acting like I've done something wrong.

Boyfriend and I were having sex (after an argument about me feeling like he doesn't care about my pleasure during sex as he never makes an effort to finish me off)

While having sex he asked me to turn over, I have endometriosis and this position is very painful for me. We do that position occasionally (it's not always painful depending on time of the month) this time I said no as I knew it would hurt he asked again I said no again so he grabbed my leg and put it on his shoulder- a position I have never liked and he knows hurts me and at this time in my cycle it is exceptionally painful so I screamed. I started crying from the pain and he's stormed off mad.
I've asked him to speak to me, he doesn't want to, he's upset with me, I have no idea what I did.
I'm in so much pain, it's really uncomfortable and painful.
I've told him I'm in pain, he doesn't seem to give a shit.

OP posts:
Jewelspun · 19/11/2023 20:57

If he told you that he can only have sex with him on top and never with you on top as it really hurts his nut sack, would you roll onto him and mount him and start bouncing up and down whilst he screams in pain?

No of course not. That would be despicable and sadistic.

Please do not stay with a man who has abused you and dismissed your feelings both physical and emotional just for his own sexual gratification.

Noelectricheating · 19/11/2023 20:57

JaniceBattersby · 19/11/2023 20:40

Leave him OP. This will not get better x

He's a piece of shit. Leave him
Abusive scumbag.

Atswimtwogirls · 19/11/2023 20:57

You should leave him. It will not get better.

sakura06 · 19/11/2023 20:58

He's disgusting. Please leave. You did nothing wrong.

EvilElsa · 19/11/2023 20:58

Why are you trying to apologise to him? He hurt YOU. He's sulking because he didn't get his own way which involved hurting you. Can't you see how utterly selfish that is? What if the only way for you to get satisfaction was to pull his dick backwards really hard....do you think he would say oh ok, I'll do it. No, he wouldn't.

Jellycats4life · 19/11/2023 20:58

I can’t understand how you argued about how selfish he is during sex and that segued into having sex? It sounds like he wanted to hurt you because he was annoyed with you. Either way LT abusive B.

titchy · 19/11/2023 20:58

Are you really asking MNers how to explain to your bf that raping you is wrong? Really?

(You didn't consent to that sort of sex - therefore rape.)

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 19/11/2023 20:59

It is understandable you can't just get up and leave right this minute, but you have to make your plan to leave him. Can you ask friends / family for help ?
You should not be the one trying to talk to him. I wouldn't bother.

Hiddenvoice · 19/11/2023 20:59

Op I know it’s not easy to just leave. It’s hard when it’s your real life but you need to remember you’ve done nothing wrong here.

He should be the one checking on you, seeing if you’re okay and apologising but instead you’re hurting and worrying.

You did not consent to what he did, you said no and then screamed when he hurt you. He’s now gaslighting you and making you feel guilty as if you’ve done something wrong.

I know you’ve got no funds just now and are in a contract but for the sake of your own well-being, please speak to womensaid to get help.
How far away are you from friends and family?

WeightWhat · 19/11/2023 20:59

Stop trying to talk to him.

ValerieGoldberg · 19/11/2023 20:59

You’ve done nothing wrong OP and he is a selfish prick, he has no right to make you do anything you aren’t comfortable with. He’s gaslighting you, making you think you’ve done something wrong to deflect from the fact that he did something wrong. I would contact women’s aid first thing for advice

Whattodo112222 · 19/11/2023 20:59

Leave
Leave
Leave

Ladybughello · 19/11/2023 21:00

Uhh yeah. Usually I think MN is full of men haters and they jump at “leave him!” unnecessarily as a first response. This time I genuinely say “leave him”l!” That’s awful. You deserve better. ❤️

LimeCheesecake · 19/11/2023 21:01

Ok - baby steps - if completely ending the relationship and leaving for good seems impossible right now- can you leave for a couple of days? Do you have a car or live near a train station? Can you throw enough clothes for a week in a bag, call in sick to work and go stay with family/friends in your old area?

(take your passport and any important documents with you if you can get them without him having to know).

you don’t have to tell him you are going, throw a few things in a bag and walk out, message him from the car/train station.

Noelectricheating · 19/11/2023 21:01

Not only does he not love you. He doesn't think anything much of you and causes you pain on purpose.

He is the lowest of the low. Do not find reasons to stay.

You are worth more. Please leave him.

GreenhouseGarden · 19/11/2023 21:02

Don’t let the door hit his arse on the way out.

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/11/2023 21:02

NO man is worth staying with if they knowingly cause you pain.

LEAVE HIM NOW.

WickedSerious · 19/11/2023 21:02

You didn't do anything OP,this guy is a pig and you deserve better.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/11/2023 21:02

LEAVE HIM.

He is abusing you. You deserve better than this.

DysonSphere · 19/11/2023 21:02

Leave the Bastard. I say that extremely rarely on MN, so this is bad. Leave.

BalletBob · 19/11/2023 21:02

I'm so sorry he did this to you 💐 He sexually assaulted you. He did something to you that you expressly told him not to do, even knowing it would cause you pain. And now the abusive bastard is gaslighting you into thinking that you're imagining it. That you have done something to him! This is DARVO.

You are in a violent and abusive relationship. This may be the first violence he has inflicted on you, but it almost certainly won't be the last unless you leave him. And statistically it will likely get worse.

Please speak to someone safe and ask for support. How is your relationship with your mum? Can she help you with logistics and emotional support?

Original poster
Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 21:03

Things haven't been good for a while and I have thought about leaving regardless of this incident, it would just be impossible right now I have to wait it out till our contract is up and by then I should have saved enough.
I don't feel unsafe with him, as said it wasn't always like this.
I don't know who he is right now, he really doesn't give a shit that he has caused me this much pain. I think his ego is bruised because of the argument about sex, he never likes it when I bring it up but nothing ever changes

OP posts:
BeRealisticPlease · 19/11/2023 21:04

Thats downright abusive OP. Its classed as rape. Im sure you know you didnt do anything wrong. He's acting like a manchild throwing a tantrum the minute he couldn't have things his way. What i cant get over is that he had so cruelly forced himself onto you in a position he very well knew was painful. It pains me to even imagine this because I too have endometriosis and just like yourself, it hurts to dtd from the back (&other times, just about 'OK'). Irrespective of this, if you didnt consent to something, then that should have been respected. The audacity of him to be 'mad' at you. Do yourself a favour please and leave the animal asap. You deserve someone much better.

bonzaitree · 19/11/2023 21:04

Seriously either call a family member or friend to come and get you or speak to women’s aid tonight. Go on a walk and call them now.

This isn’t ok it’s not normal. It’s not how men treat their partners. He is a bad man.

Baldieheid · 19/11/2023 21:04

JFC leave this piece of shit. He doesn't give a crap about you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread