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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend hurt me on purpose during sex

516 replies

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:39

I just need some advice because he won't speak to me, he's upset with me and is acting like I've done something wrong.

Boyfriend and I were having sex (after an argument about me feeling like he doesn't care about my pleasure during sex as he never makes an effort to finish me off)

While having sex he asked me to turn over, I have endometriosis and this position is very painful for me. We do that position occasionally (it's not always painful depending on time of the month) this time I said no as I knew it would hurt he asked again I said no again so he grabbed my leg and put it on his shoulder- a position I have never liked and he knows hurts me and at this time in my cycle it is exceptionally painful so I screamed. I started crying from the pain and he's stormed off mad.
I've asked him to speak to me, he doesn't want to, he's upset with me, I have no idea what I did.
I'm in so much pain, it's really uncomfortable and painful.
I've told him I'm in pain, he doesn't seem to give a shit.

OP posts:
Mamato29192 · 19/11/2023 20:45

You need to leave him

lasswibenefits · 19/11/2023 20:45

You need to split up with him love this won't get better.

crumpet · 19/11/2023 20:45

Sex is shit sex if it is not pleasurable for both parties. If he is deliberately not trying to make it pleasurable for you (and worse, doesn’t care if it causes you pain). Then this is NOT the relationship you should be in. Get out now and find someone who wants both parties to be enjoying sex. Good luck

Merryoldgoat · 19/11/2023 20:45

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/11/2023 20:43

If you loved someone, would you do anything, purely for your pleasure, that hurt them? Even if you were ambivalent towards someone, would you do that?

That's what he thinks of you. Why do you think you should be the one to do something about it?

@Feelingsad192

Read this. Then read it again. And then again.

Pelham678 · 19/11/2023 20:47

This isn't a common or garden LTB. This is an absolute no brainer that you shouldn't be with this man. He is not a safe person to be around. He is not your friend. He is not a loving partner.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Do not stay with an abusive man.

Hiddenvoice · 19/11/2023 20:47

Op are you okay?
Do you two live together? If so can you go somewhere else tonight?

You know what he’s done is wrong, he hurt you on purpose to get pleasure for himself. Even after you two talked/argued about him being essentially selfish in bed.

He’s now making you feel worse by ignoring you and acting upset himself. He’s not even checked to see if you’re okay.

Please leave him, things won’t get better.

ImTheGoat · 19/11/2023 20:47

This is horrific. You must leave him. You must!

crumpet · 19/11/2023 20:48

And stop trying to make him give a shit. He doesn’t care, and he won’t care. Just sort yourself out and do what you need to to to leave (and don’t believe him if he suddenly does a u turn once he realises you are serious). No-one nice deliberately causes physical pain to their partner. This is who he is, even if he later pretends that he has changed. He won’t have done.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 19/11/2023 20:48

Please please please leave him. He doesn’t care about you, he only cares about himself. He won’t change, he knows what he did and if you accept any apology, he knows he can do it again.

Sapphire387 · 19/11/2023 20:49

You know there are decent men out there who won't treat you like that? You deserve better.

StopStartStop · 19/11/2023 20:50

He's a rapist and what you do about that is leave him now.

CaroleSinger · 19/11/2023 20:50

RexMyDarling · 19/11/2023 20:41

Leave him. He essentially raped you. You asked him to stop and he ignored you. Total scumbag.

No he essentially didn't. On what planet is putting her foot on his shoulder rape? Watering down rape leads to women not being believed.

Original poster
Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:51

We live together, it's not as easy as just leaving. I don't have the funds, we're in a contract. I don't know anybody in this area.

I've tried to talk to him 3 times, he is just ignoring me, he's so upset with me but I have no idea what I've done and I'm in a lot of pain and now just feel like shit, it wasn't always like this

OP posts:
Brefugee · 19/11/2023 20:52

Start planning your exit strategy. Don't let him know.
Can you contact Women's Aid?

Glassofwino · 19/11/2023 20:52

He did not have your consent to do that and he did it anyway and when you got upset because of he pain he has taken it out on you. Please don’t put up with tbis you deserve better. If you wouldn’t let a friend, sister, daughter put up with this please don’t yourself

Newnamesameoldlurker · 19/11/2023 20:53

OP this is so awful. Please please leave him- do you have any family you could call for help with money?

LimeCheesecake · 19/11/2023 20:53

Any kids?

Mum2jenny · 19/11/2023 20:54

You know you need to leave him, it won’t get any better.

Winnipeggy · 19/11/2023 20:55

You can't have sex with someone who would do this to you. Walk away now.

Tryingmybestadhd · 19/11/2023 20:55

Leave him

Coffeeandchristmascake · 19/11/2023 20:55

Don't try and talk to Jim again. He should be coming to you mortified that he was so insensitive. Go to women's aid tomorrow. They'll help you sort the contract etc.

Mynaddmawr · 19/11/2023 20:56

I'm sorry this has happened. You absolutely don't deserve this, please leave him. Do you have family you can ask for support?

Winnipeggy · 19/11/2023 20:56

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:51

We live together, it's not as easy as just leaving. I don't have the funds, we're in a contract. I don't know anybody in this area.

I've tried to talk to him 3 times, he is just ignoring me, he's so upset with me but I have no idea what I've done and I'm in a lot of pain and now just feel like shit, it wasn't always like this

I know it's not easy but it's what you must do. The fact that he is punishing you for it is horrendous behaviour and you mustn't forgive him.

Blueeyedmale · 19/11/2023 20:56

Feelingsad192 · 19/11/2023 20:51

We live together, it's not as easy as just leaving. I don't have the funds, we're in a contract. I don't know anybody in this area.

I've tried to talk to him 3 times, he is just ignoring me, he's so upset with me but I have no idea what I've done and I'm in a lot of pain and now just feel like shit, it wasn't always like this

It's him that is in the wrong you have done nothing wrong, I get you might not want to listen to what I say, but please listen to the many ladies who are giving you advice, they are offering this advice beacuse they genuinely care, and many have been through it themselves and want you to be safe, this is not a healthy relationship for you, you are better than that and deserve to be treated better

willingtolearn · 19/11/2023 20:56

He needs to be an ex. This is not healthy considerate relationship behaviour.