Problem with person at hobby group

[ClippyCloppy]

Hi after some advice

I joined a group as a hobby a couple of months ago, we meet each week. I’m really enjoying this and the people are awesome! They are a lot older than me, mainly retired, a bit quirky, really interesting and I feel like I’ve met my tribe- I’ve never really gelled with anyone.

However, one member of the group is very annoying- he’s my age (so younger than the rest, although not sure if that’s relevant). He’s extremely opinionated, has a lot less knowledge of what we do compared to everyone else, loud and brash, sarcastic and basically I’ve really tried to get on with him, I’ve chatted to him in the break time but despite trying I just don’t like him at all.

I feel he spoils the aim of why we meet. This is not a paid a group, it’s just a group of individuals who share a specific interest and enjoy meeting up.

How can I move forward? I don’t want to stop going, and I know he has just as much ‘right’ to be there as me.

What problem does he cause? Can you avoid him? Challenge him?

All you can do really is avoid him as best you can, for example sit at the other side of the group to him and don’t get drawn into conversations he’s part of. If he’s being particularly annoying in a group conversation use that moment to nip to the loo or get a drink and leave for a few minutes until the conversation has moved on. If he’s talking about things irrelevant to the shared interest then start up your own conversation with someone else in the group that is related to the hobby.

You don’t have to like everyone but, as you say, he has as much right to be there as you do and just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean others in the group don’t enjoy his company so you need to find a way to get over your annoyance at him.

I'm not sure if hat the problem is...
Just sort of distance yourself from him and be polite but find someone else to chat to
You can bet most other people there find him as annoying as you do
Don't let it spoil your time there.
Every group like this has someone annoying

He doesn’t cause a problem as such - he just annoys me incessantly and acts like he knows everything, I can’t avoid him, we all participate in this activity and there is a lot of discussion about how things ‘should’ be done, however, he has very limited knowledge and I find his comments ludicrous. This in itself is not an issue, it’s the fact that he speaks as if he were an authority on the subject and can be quite confrontational. I do challenge him and he does shrugs and answers in a way that suggests he’s right and everyone else is wrong.

We have to sit in particular places due to what we do. I can’t leave to get a drink or go to the loo as this would hold everyone up. He talks specifically about what we do, so it’s not irrelevant- it’s just nonsensical.

I’d be looking within as to why it bugged me so much when it clearly does t upset others so much as they’ve all been there a lot longer and haven’t done anything.

Its something in you, that’s getting so triggered by him rather than just being able to ignore and feel sorry for him.

Does he irritate everyone else? Maybe as a group you can shut him down

Surely if he's talking nonsense you won't be the only one to notice??
I'm
Not suggesting you talk to the others behind his back. Just wait and he will get called out eventually

Bell ringing??
He sounds annoying. Is there a leader you could speak to who could have a quiet word?

Has he been there longer than you? Do you sense how other people feel about him?

Unfortunately, you're going to have to find a way to be less annoyed, or you'll have to leave.

we all joined at the same time. The others do find him difficult, I catch subtle looks of eye rolling and forced laughter to cover annoyance. I think maybe my personality is less tolerant of numpties. I do hide my feelings in order to remain polite, but I need to find a way to not let him irritate me to this extent and spoil my enjoyment

No it’s not bell ringing 😂 I could speak to the founder of the group I guess

You just need to accept him as he is if you want to still attend and enjoy the experience. Don’t bother challenging him - you’re not going to change his personality after all this time, and there may be reasons why he behaves like this.

You don’t have to like everyone you meet. It’s OK to find him irritating but not OK to cause upset in the group. Have a little laugh to yourself and be politely non-engaged.

I'm just curious what this hobby is. People on Mumsnet are always joining mysterious hobby groups, and nobody I meet in real life ever does!

I'm guessing bridge, because my mum does that and it's an older crowd, and you can't just change seat.

You could ask him to stop going on incessantly as you are trying to concentrate and he is interfering with your enjoyment of said activity by his constant chatter. Some people just don't stop and that's because they are nervous when in company - is he that type of person do you think?

D&D?

I’m also guessing bridge. This guessing game is now the main point of this thread (I guess…)

You have acknowledged this is a you problem.

I personally would make it a little game in my head. 5 points for this 20 points for that. Get to 100 and you win!

Yes I agree. I’m struggling with accepting him. I wish I could just have a little laugh and disengage. Maybe I need to try and change my mindset. That’s easier said than done though! Maybe I’m taking this hobby too seriously 😁

I like this 😂

Table top games I assume? Just ignore him OP. Let someone else deal with him. Or alternatively, ask him to explain nonsensical stuff and challenge him over it.

@TheYearOfSmallThings just to shatter at least one mystery for you I’m in a hiking group, a quiz team, a dungeons and dragons group and a belly dancing group. I’m retired early so have the time now.

Just tell us the bloody hobby. Do you think we are all going to know who you are if you tell us?

Well, surely you’ve been in situations before where you need to co-exist on a regular basis with someone irritating? Workplace, family gatherings, friendship group where someone’s new girlfriend/boyfriend is awful? Why is this different?

I mean, you have the choice between finding a way to tune him out or dropping out of the activity, and you don’t want to do the latter.