Problem with person at hobby group

[ClippyCloppy]

Hi after some advice

I joined a group as a hobby a couple of months ago, we meet each week. I’m really enjoying this and the people are awesome! They are a lot older than me, mainly retired, a bit quirky, really interesting and I feel like I’ve met my tribe- I’ve never really gelled with anyone.

However, one member of the group is very annoying- he’s my age (so younger than the rest, although not sure if that’s relevant). He’s extremely opinionated, has a lot less knowledge of what we do compared to everyone else, loud and brash, sarcastic and basically I’ve really tried to get on with him, I’ve chatted to him in the break time but despite trying I just don’t like him at all.

I feel he spoils the aim of why we meet. This is not a paid a group, it’s just a group of individuals who share a specific interest and enjoy meeting up.

How can I move forward? I don’t want to stop going, and I know he has just as much ‘right’ to be there as me.

Good post, I do like a bit of psychology!

Can you compose a song in the baroque style called “For Christ’s Sake, Shut Your Cakehole” and perform it at the next meeting?

That's what I was thinking - particular places but probably not much chatting. If he's telling other people how to do it wrong it would be quite obvious I would think.

You do realise that asterisking ‘bitch’ doesn’t disguise the fact that you are calling women here bitches for being annoyed that a man is dominating a female majority group?

Ask your cellist to start playing the Jaws theme every time Dave opens his mouth...

Seriously, what a cool hobby! I wish I was talented enough to do that.

😂😂😂😂

You do realise that asterisking ‘bitch’ doesn’t disguise the fact that you are calling women here bitches for being annoyed that a man is dominating a female majority group?

I didn't call women bitches I said it was a bitchy thread

Tempting! Maybe once Kreisler there has moved on...

Will do 😂😂

😂🥰

Have a Christmas getogether and ply him with drinks in the hope he makes a tit of himself and is too embarrassed to see you all again.

I say just call him out on his BS, and tackle it head on.

Say "Don't be silly, that can't be right". ...."Where are you coming from with that idea?"....No, history likely has it it's not that way".....etc. etc. etc.

Or just simply say "I've got a bit more experience in this department, so let me take the lead here..."

Do you know of another group (preferably closer to his home) that would suit him better? Less experience required? Different playing style? Suggest it to him, saying how much he'd like it. Fingers crossed he'd leave you all alone then!

When someone really irritates, it sometimes helps me to consider how I would feel about them if I had already been told that they were autistic and had problems in engaging with others. Originally I felt this might help you, but (excessive) vib in a baroque group really IS beyond the pale.

To cheer yourself up, join this Facebook group! (Fellow musician - classical, but plays baroque oboe poorly - here.)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/323971011806686

We do all this either directly or indirectly, but to no avail!

Oh that’s great thank you!

Gosh the oboe is so hard! Keep it up!

I don’t think he suffers with embarrassment

I'm actually feeling really annoyed by him from a distance!

I think your group leader needs to be stricter. If it's already been discussed that he shouldnt vibrato / play loudly in section B / whatever, I think the leader should stop and remind him every time he does it. And if that fails, then have a private conversation to say "I don't think you're taking on board what I'm saying about vibrato, why is this? How can we help you? ". Ultimately if he can't be helped to change, and his playing is ruining the group's sound -either he can't learn or chooses to ignore others knowledge- then he needs to be asked to leave.

We had this the other week, at Weight Watchers. A new overweight man joined to lose weight like all of us.

Maybe it was nerves but he spoke up countless times and was an authority on exercise and losing weight but held up the WW coach. We would’ve accommodated him if he came again but luckily he didn’t attend the following week.

Love this thread, I’m a strings player and early music is my jam!!!

About your Heifetz lad, I don’t know what to say. I feel wound up just reading your posts. 😂 Maybe a, “are you stuck in the 1950s with your ridiculous dynamics? Get in the f-ing 18th century with the rest of us!”

Is there a chamber or amateur orchestra specialising in romantic work? Could it be suggested that they are struggling for players and that the material they play there might suit him more, or, “they really need your valuable creative input!”

I think you need to be careful about this.

You're both relatively new, and it could easily have the older members thinking you are as much the problem if you try some of these "snappy" answers.
I can see them thinking that it was a lovely group until he joined and tried to take over, then you joined and tried to put him down all the time.

I think you need to have a chat with one or two of the others, the more forthright leadery ones.

Is there a chance they're tolerating him because they think he's nearer your age and you'd like that... because that would be horrific!

I agree with @SirVixofVixHall I have given up on group activities. There is always one like your guy OP. It spoils the enjoyment of the activity. I remember one art group where a woman kept getting the terms ‘opaque’ and ‘translucent’ muddled. She just wouldn’t accept she was wrong when the tutor explained it to her. I think your hobby group would make a great story line for Midsummer Murders😂. Your annoying member would be the victim due to his irritating ways. Is a Baroque music style murder possible? Barnaby swoops in to interview you all. Got the theme tune in my head now!

"You’ve got some really interesting theories, Dave, but we’re here to play so why don’t you write an essay about them we could read at our leisure? Or post a video on Youtube, playing how you think it should be played, for us to watch later?"

At least Heifetz played in tune 😂

there is a local amateur orchestra which I have suggested. I also said how they’d be lucky to have him.

His response was, ‘that’s too much of a commitment and I’d have to practise!’ Oh the irony!