Hate being a mum!!!!

[Hadenoughhhh]

I hate it. Tonight I have cooked a meal from scratch for my 13 month old. Yes, I know, why did I bother, what did I expect etc.

He’s thrown it at me, on the floor, then does this thing where he manages to store it in his mouth, I think he’s eaten it, then he suddenly spits it all out. Gave him apple which he happily eats. Mess all over him and the sauce from the meal has stained his top as it’s seeped through the bib.

He shouts, it’s become genuinely exhausting changing his nappy, physically it hurts me to do it. In the car if he decides to cry I’ve got to manage driving with a screaming noise non stop unless there’s somewhere safe to pull over. Everything Is a fucking hassle.

I love him but hate being a mother. I can’t stand it. I used to be an intelligent, career driven, witty person who could hold conversations and had a personality. Now I just trudge on with work and hope for the best. Dp is utterly useless and we will separate soon. I don’t have PND I’m just sick of doing this non stop. It’s fucking boring and I think I’ve lost brain cells in the last year. The only conversation I have these days are about sudocrem. When will this end? Ever? Or is this it?

I've been where you are OP, minus the useless husband. It took until DS was around 2.5-3 before I started to enjoy being around him for his own sake. He's almost 5 now and (for the most part) is great fun to be around and I love being his mum. In most cases, it will get better if you can hang in there. Though I'd ditch the useless partner sooner rather than later.

@WYorkshireRose i can’t imagine it being better. He annoys me so much! Shit everywhere, food everywhere, I don’t have time to do anything, house a state. I hate it so much. Spitting food out ffs! Just fucking eat it (sorry, been a long day today). 2.5, so a year away ish… will it honestly get better?

It will get better OP, you’re in the trenches right now. Weaning our 2 was a fucking hassle and food was mostly wasted.

I’m sorry your partner is useless, it’s not something I can envisage. We are a team and split everything as evenly as possible, it’s an essential part of parenthood.

Come on, that's a bit extreme. Op is clearly having a difficult time and needs an outlet, I don't imagine that's helpful.

I only have a four month old baby, so I don't know how it will be, but I'm certain things will get better and EASIER for you. He'll grow up, eat his food, tolerate car journeys and you will be able to claw back your identity. It won't happen instantly, but it will happen. Just hang in there and remember it's not forever!

It might get better - it depends how well he behaves at school, really. If he’s naughty, you’ve got 12 years or so of listening to teachers moan about him and blame you on top of everything else. Lol.

But don’t despair, OP. They eventually grow up. It just takes a few years.

@Tiredbehyondbelief i honestly feel like I’ve lost my ability to be professional and hold proper conversations with any degree of intelligence. This morning was soft play due to rain and then a series of washing, food and mind numbing play all afternoon. Like every bloody day.

No-one can tell you if it’ll get better but it definitely did for me. DD is 3 and is genuinely good company, and the play is much more creative and interesting. It can be utterly relentless when they’re little, especially if you’re saddled with a useless partner.

Sorry you're having a rubbish time OP. Have a 16m DD and I can hear my husband coaxing her to eat in the next room. Terrible habit but we've put the tv on so she'll cooperate. Spent Monday evening after working making Shepards pie and daal and for the most part, it's a battle to get her to eat it.
Do you have anyone that could have him for a day? Or if you can afford it, a day at nursery or a childminder once a week when you're off? I find if I don't have anything to look forward to (with friends, alone or my husband) I feel like this too.

oh yes, very sensible. If every parent abdicated responsibility every time they found a stage of parenting hard we’d have a nation of orphans. Of course it gets better you absolute joy sponge, they don’t scream in the car and spit their food out when they’re 15. They might have different problems but the relentless physical drudgery eases up enormously

Ah its relentless isn't it. There are moments of joy, but mostly just hard (and hugely different to previous life)!

It does get easier. Hang in there.

It's tough that's true for most women but it doesn't mean you aren't cut out for it. It's boring and stressful at the same time and I struggled greatly with both mine when they were young and I wondered if I was meant for motherhood...but I returned to work , they went to school and now they are teenagers and we all survived even with a useless husband (we are now separated ) . I talked honestly with my friends and realised that I wasn't the only one struggling so we supported each other that way. Keep sharing on here and you'll find others feel the same way.

wow what an arsehole. I wonder what impulse directed you to say something like this to a person clearly struggling.

OP, I I found this stage really tough too with my first. It is relentless, both physically and emotionally. But in my experience it absolutely did get better. You won't always feel like this.

I remember cooking meals from scratch - little individual fish pies from the Annabel Karmel book! Total depressing waste of time.

I get you, i hear you,
know exactly what you mean,

just wondering 🤔 do you have good trustworthy friends who you can take it turns with a babysit circle?

I used to do this, it helped to make a difference,

I am just wondering where your family members or his family members any of them could help out to give you a break on consistent regular basis?

No one enjoys scraping food from the floor/clothes/hair, however society makes you feel like some people genuinely embrace every parenting experience and cherish it. anything less feels like failure.
its crap and you lose all sense of yourself. People ask what you ‘used to be’ but now you are in the Mum category.
when I had my DD (now 17) I remember getting upset about all of my professional clothes in my wardrobe that I had no chance to wear any longer.
being a mum is intense and so dull all at the same time, wrapped up with expectations that every day is #MakingMemories.
the best advice I can give you is to remember that you are still you. You are not just a mum. You are still that same person. Create opportunities to still have a life, still go out, still dress up, still have non-child conversations.
it doesn’t get easier but you will get more used to it and how to build in those non-mum moments to balance it all out. keep remembering who you are ❤️xx

Yes the first couple of years does suck. It does get better but you need to make your life a bit easier asker - buy pre-made food; there is some good frozen stuff out there line benji bites. Get a cleaner or maybe a laundry service , give yourself a break. Get your useless partner to do childcare for half a day a week whilst you look after you … lunch with a friend, gym , whatever floats your boat.

If you look at the ‘similar threads’ thing that pops up at the bottom now, you’ll see you’re not alone.

It can be hard, relentless and bloody boring. But it will get so much better.

I hated the first 3 years (love my DD) but it’s only after 3 that things started getting easier for me. The drudgery, tantrums and sheer unreasonableness of kids is just awful. It does get easier though.

oh dry up. God forbid any mother declares anything less than 100% enthusiasm for every aspect of taking care of a tiny dictator. Yes, toddlers are cute, but they're also objectively awful people quite a lot of the time.

Except when they're asleep, maybe. Assuming they do sleep.

'Poor child having a mother write such things on a public forum. Are you for real?'

Christ there's always one, give over.

Yanbu and I promise it gets way easier.

I know what you mean especially about driving when dc is screaming/whining. It's just unbearable when it happens and I can barely drive safely because my brain is exploding with sensory overload.

It gets so much easier by about 2.5yo. No more nappies. No more throwing food on the floor. Dc can ask for what they want/need rather than just wail. You can explain why they can't have a thing and they sort of understand rather than just scream about it.

Also, the pp who told you that you shouldn't be a mum can jog on. Jog on.

Edit- the 2.5y is approximate but yswim, you'll get to that stage at some point

OP I fed my kids in the bath at that age......was so much easier

Keep your chin up xx

The early years are hard, you can easily lose yourself in the process, especially with no other half to share it with, especially that actually. It does get easier, my dd is almost 2, she's mostly a joy to be around but she has her moments too. Try to find little snippets of time to enjoy during the day, even if it's just finding the time to sit down and close your eyes for 2 min, taking deep breaths. Don't worry too much that the house is a tip, focus on finding some time to rest mentally and physically. It will pass x