Hate being a mum!!!!

[Hadenoughhhh]

I hate it. Tonight I have cooked a meal from scratch for my 13 month old. Yes, I know, why did I bother, what did I expect etc.

He’s thrown it at me, on the floor, then does this thing where he manages to store it in his mouth, I think he’s eaten it, then he suddenly spits it all out. Gave him apple which he happily eats. Mess all over him and the sauce from the meal has stained his top as it’s seeped through the bib.

He shouts, it’s become genuinely exhausting changing his nappy, physically it hurts me to do it. In the car if he decides to cry I’ve got to manage driving with a screaming noise non stop unless there’s somewhere safe to pull over. Everything Is a fucking hassle.

I love him but hate being a mother. I can’t stand it. I used to be an intelligent, career driven, witty person who could hold conversations and had a personality. Now I just trudge on with work and hope for the best. Dp is utterly useless and we will separate soon. I don’t have PND I’m just sick of doing this non stop. It’s fucking boring and I think I’ve lost brain cells in the last year. The only conversation I have these days are about sudocrem. When will this end? Ever? Or is this it?

@DeadbeatYoda

why on earth would she need to censor herself on here? It’s an anonymous forum the aim being to get support!

So why click on the thread? Knowing it's about someone struggling with parenting.

I adore my young children. I think they're the best kids ever, genuinely. Smart, kind, funny.

But I also hate motherhood. It makes me feel overwhelmed, anxious and bored.

Isn't that normal? I mean, who loves the constant demands, sleepless nights, going to the park constantly, constant laundry, cooking, mess....

I'm enjoying it more the older they get.

And sorry if I sounded flippant with my comment but just the same as I don't click on threads about people whinging about their parents as it triggers feelings for me having lost mine, i think if you're actively reading threads about struggling parents and leaving comments like you did then you maybe need to think about why you're doing that, it's hurtful to you to read this stuff but then you're hurting the op by being nasty. I sometimes have to grit my teeth when people talk about their mum being annoying or something as I'd give anything to have my mum and it doesn't seem fair, but I understand after quite a few years now that that's a me problem and it's not fair for me to get arsey with other people because of what I've been through.

@DeadbeatYoda Im not far off 70. I found my DD2 draining as she would not eat. I did expect some time for me. DH ran a business so not engaged. At times it was hard. Why cannot people express this? I had a decent job and I grieved for it. All that study and effort! Motherhood with DD2 was not fun. Yes it gets better but it’s perfectly ok to say it’s not pleasing you all the time.

Babies are bloody hard work, and I’m a dad, although hands on. Kids get better and better, I’m not sure when that stops, maybe towards teens but in the middle of primary school they’re witty and fun and still full
of cuddles. It will get better.

I can only speak for my own experiences - and granted I haven’t navigated the teenage years yet - but I honestly found this the worst age with both of mine. Neither of mine could walk at this age but wanted to be on the move all the time so that meant walks with the carrier or buggy were out. They slept awfully. Eating was a nightmare - just as OP describes. They wanted to play but had zero attention span and put everything in their mouths. You have to watch them constantly. They fight you over things like nappy changes and the high chair and the car seat.

They were really very cute but that was about it. I found it improved pretty much with every month that passed. When they can sit and listen to a book. When they have the attention span to sit and play with duplo or play doh or to watch some telly. When they can walk properly. My youngest isn’t even two but I find him so so much easier than I did at 13 months.

Reply to @Ollifer
I clicked because I actually thought it was going to be about dreaded teenage behaviour or something like that. Some of those threads are funny.

I had baby books with baby rhymes. They did take an interest. Also to songs in the car.

Stop placing unmanageable expectations on yourself. That's your fault, not his.

So stop:

Driving miles with a screaming child
Cooking meals from scratch that he doesn't eat

Just do the basics and keep it simple

Make cupcakes, do arts and crafts, try and setup a play date?

^

He's 13 months?? Cupcakes??!

Get back to work ASAP it will save your sanity. If that means ditching the useless partner and using UC to support you so be it. But the sooner you get back to work the sooner you'll enjoy your child more.

I bought up a 2 year old and baby with backseat parenting from my ex husband and partner I suffered depression lost my identity then I was 32 I'm now 58 a carer for my autistic son and my other son has many issues I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or for sympathy I know how he was a very hyper baby

I felt like this. Just incredibly boring days of being tired while doing mundane things all day long such as feeding, tidying, bathing, soft play, changing nappies, wiping the floor, packing bags for even the shortest trips anywhere at all, keeping an eye out for things that can be put in mouths, keeping an ear out for signs of them waking up, trying to find time to put on some - ANY- makeup or do a yoga class, having boring conversations about boring mum life…

Yes, some moments are cute like when they have little smiles or are sleeping peacefully on you, but it feels overwhelmingly monotonous for some of us. For me, it only stopped when they were in school and I had a minute’s peace where I wasn’t just walking around in a haze of fatigue and never-ending brain activity related to thinking about everyone’s needs but my own. And no, I never said this out loud to other parents. I just cracked on and smiled. Like you, I didn’t have PND - I just suddenly lived an entirely different life.

Absolutely yanbu. I remember that feeling, and I also swear it goes away. You're definitely in the hard bit as PPs have said.

I think you're on the right (anonymous) forum to vent tbh, you won't be alone on the way you're feeling at the moment.

It does get better, a lot better 💐

Sorry to hear this OK.

Much as I always liked the idea of a having a 'mini me' around, I knew early on that I would HATE being a parent. Which is why I'm not one.

Hope things improve for you soon.

"I'm wondering how a 13 month old can help with cupcakes"

I suggested this.

I have a toddler who has assisted in helping making cupcakes. Messy, but fun. Doesn't have to be perfect. Fun activity for them to help with the icing or edible stickers etc. not that hard to use your imagination. Come on.

Is the child's father available at all?

At 13 months neither of my DC were walking! Helping with cupcakes? Were you talking about a 13 month old @justanothermanicmonday1 . Others noticed 13 months and cupcakes seemed a bit young! Glad it worked for your 13 month old though. We just did other things plus if you are already struggling, why add to the chaos and mess?

I have to agree with @cards5982. We all have bad days but there's no sense of love or finding any pleasure in parenting coming through in the OP which isn't OP's fault but suggests she might be depressed or need some additional support.

Sorry OP I shouldn't have used the word love in my post above- obviously you love your son dearly, but I meant more, there's no sense of enjoyment and I think that there should be SOME joy to parenting a toddler really. If you feel this bad all the time there may be some PND perhaps.

The way you feel now is very normal. 2.5-3 is fantastic. Everything gets so, so much easier and more enjoyable.

I think the thing I found most overwhelming was the constant need to supervise EVERYTHING at your sons age. They cannot be trusted alone for a single minute, they need to be watched while they eat and wash and probably even need support to get to sleep. It is so relentless and yet they are relatively dull and uncommunicative.

It really helped me to put a podcast or audiobook on at this stage to help occupy my mind while doing mind numbing tasks. I would plan a creative or productive activity for myself for my child’s nap time and paint a picture or sew something or do some
home renovations. Something that made me feel better about myself.

I didn't enjoy spending time with my son until he was 4 years old

During a nap, (mine didn’t nap much) I did the washing, the ironing, stripped the beds, made the beds, cooked, did housework such as cleaning and hoovering, gardening, and loads more. Planning creative activities for me just didn’t happen. Also I had DD1 who needed supervision. The only time I really got was when DD1 was at nursery and DD2 had a nap. This often coincided with the trip to collect dd1 from nursery. Time for me was in short supply. DH got in around 6.30 pm.

How are you changing nappies? If you can get them to zone out to Peppa Pig, standing and leaning against something like a Footstool whilst you do a pull up it's sooooo much easier than trying to force them to lie down. I used to sit backwards over my daughter (didn't put any weight on her) for lie down changes until we swapped to pull ups which worked OK and was easier than holding her on her belly.