Hate being a mum!!!!

[Hadenoughhhh]

I hate it. Tonight I have cooked a meal from scratch for my 13 month old. Yes, I know, why did I bother, what did I expect etc.

He’s thrown it at me, on the floor, then does this thing where he manages to store it in his mouth, I think he’s eaten it, then he suddenly spits it all out. Gave him apple which he happily eats. Mess all over him and the sauce from the meal has stained his top as it’s seeped through the bib.

He shouts, it’s become genuinely exhausting changing his nappy, physically it hurts me to do it. In the car if he decides to cry I’ve got to manage driving with a screaming noise non stop unless there’s somewhere safe to pull over. Everything Is a fucking hassle.

I love him but hate being a mother. I can’t stand it. I used to be an intelligent, career driven, witty person who could hold conversations and had a personality. Now I just trudge on with work and hope for the best. Dp is utterly useless and we will separate soon. I don’t have PND I’m just sick of doing this non stop. It’s fucking boring and I think I’ve lost brain cells in the last year. The only conversation I have these days are about sudocrem. When will this end? Ever? Or is this it?

Stop fretting about food. Batch cook, buy pre prepared whatever but try to make it easy on yourself. Go back to work ASAP. You will only have to seal with him for part of the day. Motherhood is really hard and you may need to delegate jobs such as housework and ironing. My daughter would not be weened but MIL was great with her albeit I had to accept her ways.

Some of the posters on this thread clearly have anger/bitterness issues!

Yes it does get easier. Way easier than the bit you’re in now. I personally found the ages from about 1-4 the hardest. And then, gradually, bit by bit, things lifted as they became less demanding and more independent. The early years are bloody tough and there’s no escaping that fact I’m afraid. But……and it’s a big but………..it is just a difficult stage of parenthood & that stage passes, like everything else. I too lost my identity to being a mum, I felt, and still do feel, that I had a previous life.

There’s a saying that rang true for me: when a baby is born, a mother is born. Life isn’t the same after become a parent, but it does get easier I promise you

Posted too soon. The other thing I was going to say was do whatever it takes to survive. Whatever!!! Fuck the homemade meals if you’re not up for it, buy the kiddy dinners in the supermarket; if you need to feed baby with TV on so be it. If you need to feed baby in the bath just to get that food down, so be it. Whatever it takes

And go to bed when baby goes to bed

"People will say, oh but you’ll have to deal with school drama in a few years. Yeah sure, but will they be out of the house for 6 hours a day 5 days a week? Can use a fork? Can go to the toilet? Sleep through the night? Can be left in a room while you have a pee and not die? Well great, sign me up for school drama any day!"

@PeppermintMandy this is brilliant and articulates how I feel so well! People relish in telling me how awful teenage drama is but I just secretly think to myself NOTHING can be as bad as my youngest's first year. Nothing!

My DS is 17 months and actually things are a lot easier and more pleasant a lot of the time than at 13 months. We've done a couple of weekends away as a family in the last few months and they were actually... Fun. Whereas almost everything in the first year just felt like hard hard work.

Op please ignore the ‘perfect parents’ who are just commenting on the thread to insult a struggling first time mum. They are just arseholes with nothing better to do who either don’t have kids, or the baby/toddler stage is well behind them and they’ve clearly forgot how fucking relentless it can be, especially when you’re doing it alone/with a shit of a co parent.
I’ll be straight with you, it’s a shit age it really is. I found it so difficult with mine. Honestly, I found that once they got to around 3/4 years old they just become delightful. They can communicate more. They get more independent (and you get more time to yourself). You can have the best conversations with them and it doesn’t feel as relentless.
My biggest is almost ten and it just gets better and better. Of course every stage comes with ups and downs but the baby/toddler phase just sucks for so many of us so please don’t feel alone in that.
I might have missed it if you’ve already said but is there anyway you can fund a day or 2 a week in nursery to get a little break? Or could anyone else have him just for a few hours so you can chill?

Yup is fucking shit.
Been there twice. Grit your teeth. Once school hits its a different world.
Gets better as it goes along.
Befriend other mums in similar position from toddler groups for support.
Have two totally useless ex DH also.
Better without either.
You just gotta believe it will get better

Knock it off.
This is EXACTLY what mumsnet is for; help, advice, empathy. Not giving someone having a shit time a good kicking.

You should be ashamed of yourself

It does get easier OP, I promise. I have an 18 month old and a teenager - both shit ages! Its cringe but the phrase the days are long but the years are short is soo true. Try and get a break for the day if you can will do you the world of good x

I remember sleeping on the landing for an horrendous period of time and singing “Rockabye Baby” through the open door whenever he stood up in his cot & cried. It worked……..eventually. God I was a shell of a person 🤣🤣🤣

Not orphans at all. Why the double standards for single parents depending on whether it's Mum or Dad who takes custody? Parenting well is very hard, and I totally understand the statement saying give up custody.
I also hated baby stage, and really lost myself. It also nearly broke my marriage, despite DH being a good dad (although he's honestly shit at the household stuff). DDs are now 8&10 and it's feeling more manageable

It will get better, really it will. This was the hardest bit for me. Then they start to learn to talk, become proper funny little characters and mostly eat properly. Hang in there.
Get rid of the husband if he's useless, it will be easier without him.

It sounds like you've definitely had a day of it! So sending a big hug, I totally understand what you mean as I'm another who has sat there and just cried over the spag bol everywhere mixed with a total lack of adult communication for days. It's soul destroying, but it does get better. I second what other posters have put in that do what you can to make your life easier, I have 2 now and I'm a big fan of the air fryer and also the baby food pouches you get, you can't literally do everything so be a bit gentler on yourself. Also completely recommend going to the gym/swim/cinema or anything really once or twice a week as something for you! I can tell when I need a break when I start getting ratty with the kids and then I know, right I need some me time and it always lifts my mood and helps me to remember that I'm still me.

Ah op that age is the WORST and it DOES get better no matter what anyone says. It’s actually deeply boring and frustrating to look after that age. You’re completely normal, and this too will pass.

Love this idea!

OP when you have an absolute nightmare of a baby/toddler every stage after feels like a dream in comparison! That's what I found anyway.

Oddly going against the grain, mine was great until he went to school and then became challenging! All kids are different (and I used to hate using the term "kids" rather than "children"). Onwards and upwards ...

OP. Stop breaking your back cooking him his own little meals. Give him what you're having at 13 months minus any salt. He only needs a tiny bit and if he doesn't eat it then it's not the end of the world.

It really doesn't matter if it gets on his clothes. Is your house warm? If so, take his clothes off to eat his dinner!

Tell your useless DP to step up or fuck off. And mean it.

Stop trying to do everything. You're already everything in the world to your baby, you don't need to be perfect because to him you already are.

Lower your expectations of yourself a bit.

I loved the baby stage, thought it was a piece of piss. Toddler stage where they move, get loud and touch shit?! Not so much.

Right back at you! The OP has reached out for help and you’ve decided to have a dig. You should be ashamed.

Are you on maternity leave OP?

OP doesn't expect a baby to appreciate her meal but she is rightly frustrated about how difficult he is at meal times because she's a human being, not a robot and is allowed to have feelings.

OP has done the right thing by venting her frustrations and reaching out for help/support. Shaming parents who are brave enough to reach out does nothing but silence them which doesn't benefit the child at all.

So get off of your high horse.

I would also add that having a baby or toddler is physically exhausting. The constant lifting, carrying, cooking, washing, endless playing, the sheer drudgery of it all can be utterly soul destroying. It is hard work.

To everyone saying it gets easier, with the benefit of having two older kids now as well, it isn’t easier, it’s just a different kind of parenting and issues- but PHYSICALLY it is easier because you are less tired/not recovering from having a baby.