Hate being a mum!!!!

[Hadenoughhhh]

I hate it. Tonight I have cooked a meal from scratch for my 13 month old. Yes, I know, why did I bother, what did I expect etc.

He’s thrown it at me, on the floor, then does this thing where he manages to store it in his mouth, I think he’s eaten it, then he suddenly spits it all out. Gave him apple which he happily eats. Mess all over him and the sauce from the meal has stained his top as it’s seeped through the bib.

He shouts, it’s become genuinely exhausting changing his nappy, physically it hurts me to do it. In the car if he decides to cry I’ve got to manage driving with a screaming noise non stop unless there’s somewhere safe to pull over. Everything Is a fucking hassle.

I love him but hate being a mother. I can’t stand it. I used to be an intelligent, career driven, witty person who could hold conversations and had a personality. Now I just trudge on with work and hope for the best. Dp is utterly useless and we will separate soon. I don’t have PND I’m just sick of doing this non stop. It’s fucking boring and I think I’ve lost brain cells in the last year. The only conversation I have these days are about sudocrem. When will this end? Ever? Or is this it?

Ridiculous

It will get better! I understand! You're getting very little back right now. This will change - I promise you. Hang in - take as many short cuts as possible - ready prepared food - disposable everything.

@User79785435 your post has just really resonated with me because we are a few months into our DS dropping his nap and I found today so hard purely for that reason. There is no break. So although depressing, your post has reminded me that it is a hard phase, and also you’re so right about employers not treating their employees this way.

Yes this!

My child rarely got sick at nursery, please ignore the negativity on this thread op! It will make you feel worse! It would be ok if it was a bit more like 'this could happen so beware' but to write things as if they are 100% inevitable and WILL happen to YOU is just wrong.

I spent so much of my eldest's life dreading when he would turn 2 as lots of people told me 'it will be hell' etc but I actually personally enjoyed it. So the worrying was a waste of time. Please try to keep positive and every shit thing on this thread that everyone says is definitely coming your way, cling to the fact that's not necessarily true. You have many amazing times ahead. My 5 year old helps me strip the beds! Hang in there.

@User79785435 that was the best thing I've read in some time. Thank you.

It gets better. It really really does. 13 months is a tricky age - they’re very mobile but still can’t remotely follow an instruction or entertain themselves. It’s very hard work.

It really won’t be that long until they transition into toddlerhood which is, in my experience, a million times easier and more enjoyable. You’re in the last stages of the relentless, thankless grind of babyhood.

I promise it’s going to get easier and more enjoyable ♥️

God no!! I didn’t want to be going to bed at 1900!! Having time with my husband kept us both sane!!!

It's mind numbing and relentless the majority if the time at that age.

One they're off to preschool and then school it becomes much easier

A lot of vile comments on a thread asking for help & advice!

I wouldn't remotely be upset if I'd found out my mum had posted a thread like this about her experience with motherhood, it's hard and exhausting, but I would be DISGUSTED if I ever found out she had made comments to someone who had reached out for advice like some of the vicious comments the 'oh so perfect parents' have left here.

Give your heads a wobble and take a look at why you're so desperately unhappy with your own life to think it's remotely OK to be so horrid to someone asking for help.

@Hadenoughhhh Go to work and send him to nursery. Even if it’s only part time. Have you given up your career? I did and grieved for it. I needed more than Dc.

I would say that your toddler has annoying traits. I would not have wanted this every day either. My DDs were not messy eaters but one barely ate anything. All that effort for a few teaspoonfuls eaten. Went to nursery and ate well in 2 months. It made such a difference that I wasn’t responsible for every meal. If Dc throws food, take it away! Be firm. If he “hamsters” food, (we always called it that!) hook it out. Keep
checking that it’s eaten. Don’t give him much food at a time. Small amounts which limits throwing capability. Get bigger bibs. Huge ones!

So if you separate, get a job and sort out a nursery. You both need it. And you don’t have to do everything yourself. Don’t feel
guilty about not enjoying him right now. Take steps to try and ensure you do in the future.

I think it is a mixture of finding practical solutions to minimise impact of certain behaviours - eg for me ds had one TV programme that he just zoned out if it was on - I used that when doing nappies (even downloaded episodes to my phone for when out and about) - if that was on he would literally lie there and let me do his nappy. I used a splash mat for meal times and those plastic shirt style bibs - did blw so it was messy but this made it easy to clean up.

then address the fact you are not enjoying this phase - I got voluntary redundancy when at the end of mat leave so was off till he was nearly 2.5 but I see no harm in using childcare and going back to work and hiring a cleaner - even part time- as long as your pay covers childcare and cleaner then you can get that mental stimulation and de-stress the domestic grind of cleaning.

Sounds miserable. 💐💐💐

If your child is so young, how is it that your partner is so useless & you're already thinking of ditching him? Was he on board with TTC? What happened?

At around 18 months I asked DH if he genuinely loved DD cos I felt like I was just pretending to be a good mum. The first 2 years are boring as fuck, I started a qualification and then went back to work when DD was 2 and a half cos I could not be stuck at home all day every day.

You have my utmost sympathy.

Nursery, baby groups, anything to get through the monotony.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP.

Please ignore some of the awful comments on this thread. Thankfully there isn't many, and there is far more wonderful advice.

What you're feeling is totally valid, and I understand. Motherhood is like Groundhog Day. A continuous cycle of shit some days, and it's ok if you find it hard.

What isn't ok, is that you have a completely useless partner.

Do you think this is the main problem? Does he help you and take his share of the responsibility? Im assuming not.

Can you ask your family for some help? Do you have the financial means to hire a sitter once a month so you can treat yourself to a day for just you? Because if you aren't getting a few hours or a day a week to yourself to do something for just you, you'll burn out, quickly.

I promise it does get better. I absolutely despised weaning with a passion and dreaded every single meal times and would count down the minutes until bed time. But now I have the most wonderful almost 2 year old who eats absolutely anything in sight and is just a joy to be around.

I promise you it will get better.

💐

I also agree regarding baby groups.

Also do swimming, soft play, parks, nature walks, beaches if you have one close by.

Get a puddle suit and wellies on and let him jump in the puddles.

Make cupcakes, do arts and crafts, try and setup a play date?

My only advice is to let go of 70 percent of your expectations. Pick your battles. Don't fight to have control him just for the sake of controlling him. It has to be for a better reason. So he threw his dinner. So what. If he screams in the car, turn the music up or pull over for a bit. Scream yourself, not at him, but to the air. So what if the day is a write off, nobody died. Look after yourself and him and at the end of the day, make note of two or three nice moments.
It will change, fast. Worst things worst, you be as nice and fair as you can be to him for the next 5 years and he will be at school.
Also sleep deprivation is the worst. Just that improving with age will make everything seem better for a start.

There is something about the way you have chosen to write this that worries me. I remember the difficulty of the early years ( I had 3 under 4). I also know how difficult later years can be too, including teens. It's not getting easier. It will change and be different but parenthood just keeps throwing challenges at you and, if you are not able to put your dc's well-being before your own wants, you are going to have a hard time. What did you think was going to happen? Do you have a DH / partner that could take over as primary carer? It might be wise. For your DC's sake.

It can be exceptionally boring when they're so small.

My only DC, and absolutely not having more is now 6 but has additional needs and it's still bloody relentless at times trying to do anything that I want to do.

I take annual leave and do the things that make me feel more human. A walk around a museum, doing some computer geekery undistracted, a coffee, going for a swim in the day ... anything that keeps me sane!

@DeadbeatYoda We all see parents with easy DC. We don’t have these issues with all DC so what do you expect? Some throw us a huge curved ball.

Im that rare person who is not prepared to do everything for Dc and nothing for me. I needed respite from DD who would not eat. So nursery was great. It helped both of us. Did I anticipate DD2 would not eat? No. DD1 was perfect!

As for parenting teens- you get challenged but not all teens are awful either. I’ve seen so many lovely teens and their parents have no issues at all. My non eating baby now eats everything (is now an adult) and nothing else was an issue for her or her parents as she grew up. So don’t worry about the future. DD2 didn’t like being left either. Screamed with the baby sitter. We still went out.

Im wondering how a 13 month helps with cupcakes as suggested earlier? I agree with tv for a diversion though.

@TizerorFizz
My first born is autistic, my second severely physically disabled. They were bloody hard work, let me reassure you of that. They are lovely teens now, I adore them. They are still hard work.
I do not say what I said from some middle-class ivory tower. I say it because I would never have dreamed of talking about my kids on social media in such nasty terms. It is the OP's language that was a red flag. There is no self-control going on there.

@TizerorFizz on reflection, from a different generation where we didn't expect everything to be easy, we know hard times come and go and we can get through them. The prevailing culture now is much more self-centric. Perhaps I just don't understand the mindset of younger parents. I do know that setting the bar low so early is going to make life hard. Our children deserve some basic respect even if we are finding it hard.

I have found it to be like this too. I've felt like I have the equivalent of zoocosis which caged wild animals get.

It's not in our nature or our genes to have such an intense and prolonged relationship and full responsibility for our children.

I think that over time, the intense stress and having to dumb yourself down, deal with uncooperative and demanding children causes a loss of soul due to PTSD for some women.

I think it's time an honest conversation was had on what motherhood is actually like. What you're describing is quite normal. There's obviously some that have it far better and far worse but you're not describing anything unusual.
It does change over time but whilst they're children there's always some level of drudgery. I despised the years of school runs, made worse by the fact it went on longer because I have a large age gap between DC (now aged 28, 19&17). I'd say DH was average as a parent but his working hours meant most of it fell to me.
On a different note, wash and hang the stained top outside on a bright day. Sunlight will get the the marks out.

Women shouldn’t have to pretend that they find the drudgery of parenting to be pleasurable. Cos it’s not. And anyone who says or thinks that they should is a bit misogynistic imo.