Hate being a mum!!!!

[Hadenoughhhh]

I hate it. Tonight I have cooked a meal from scratch for my 13 month old. Yes, I know, why did I bother, what did I expect etc.

He’s thrown it at me, on the floor, then does this thing where he manages to store it in his mouth, I think he’s eaten it, then he suddenly spits it all out. Gave him apple which he happily eats. Mess all over him and the sauce from the meal has stained his top as it’s seeped through the bib.

He shouts, it’s become genuinely exhausting changing his nappy, physically it hurts me to do it. In the car if he decides to cry I’ve got to manage driving with a screaming noise non stop unless there’s somewhere safe to pull over. Everything Is a fucking hassle.

I love him but hate being a mother. I can’t stand it. I used to be an intelligent, career driven, witty person who could hold conversations and had a personality. Now I just trudge on with work and hope for the best. Dp is utterly useless and we will separate soon. I don’t have PND I’m just sick of doing this non stop. It’s fucking boring and I think I’ve lost brain cells in the last year. The only conversation I have these days are about sudocrem. When will this end? Ever? Or is this it?

Hope you’re ok, op.

It’s not clear from your post whether you work (outside the home). Going back and rediscovering old you might help, or going FT if you’re currently PT.

You sound at the end of your rope and I’m not surprised with a babe and a marriage ending. Your baby’s behaviour is totally normal. You need a break. Any family or friends who could babysit and give you a night off?

My eleven year old is non-verbal with ASD and profound LD and I also have a non-disabled eight year old. Even though our life now is probably what I was considering the worst case scenario when my eldest was a toddler (the idea that he'd still not be speaking and still watching night garden etc at this age was my greatest fear) it is so so much easier. He is still profoundly disabled (obviously lots of autistic toddlers make huge progress in their early years, he just wasn't one despite us trying so hard at different strategies!) and there are lots of things we can't do but we can go lovely long walks with him, train rides etc, we have wonderful conversations with his sister who is no angel but pretty helpful and also has a lovely life and they adore each other. We're tired, yes, but sleep is much better than it used to be, and I'm not expecting puberty to be a lot of fun tbh but it is SO much better than those years before he started school. Just rambling really but hoping it helps to hear it can get much better. Xxx

God, it’s hard. And I have a phenomenal DH - I would implode if DH was useless or I was doing it on my own.

So I personally found circa age 1 the absolute worst phase although age 3.5 is really challenging that now. So much physicality, so much frustration, so repetitive and boring. Toddlers body but babies brain. I practically sprinted back to work at the end of maternity leave.

Personally, it got alot better for me when DC1 was confidently walking and beginning to talk - around 18 months - he just seemed to calm down a bit and became far more interesting. I’ve enjoyed it since then and find it quite easy. This current phase is difficult but I find the attitude and tantrums so much easier to deal with then age 1!

Sorry I may have missed this, but are you working/going back to work?

😂😂😂😂😂😂 Have a day off

Op is understandably stressed out and not absolutely loving the complete misery that is often the reality of bringing up babies/toddlers. You are completely projecting due to your own unfortunate circumstances.

My youngest is pretty chill and easy, but I found 12 months until 2 a hard slog for all the reasons you mention. Crying all the time, the physicality of it all, exhausting and relentless. But so much better now and she's only 2 and 3 months..she's a lovely little person to be around and just that little bit more independence and starting to talk makes a huge difference. Hang in there.

She loves him. She never said she didn’t love him. She just needs a break.

Motherhood is hard. Nowadays we don’t have a village and we are trying our best to work full time, trying desperately to succeed in both roles.

Yes she’s for real and shame on you for making her feel bad. She posted this because she’s feeling desperate and wants some reassurance - not judgement from unsympathetic people. Have a nice evening.

I'm sorry you can't have kids. But it's okay for a parent to feel that way.

I detest babies and toddlers. I loved my own but found the entire period mind numbingly boring. I honestly don’t understand how anyone can enjoy it. Anyway, it gets a little easier with each passing few months; I found having two far easier than one as they played together rather than me being sole entertainer. Mine are older now and I think they are fabulous: actual children are absolutely wonderful, and that mindless drudge of the early years is soon a distant memory!

Op stop with the made from scratch home cooking. Stick some tomatoes, carrots, cucumber, sweetcorn whatever on a plate, cut some chicken up or whatever and some mash or rice. It's fine, it's nutritious, it's not going to harm your baby to not have a homemade Shepherds pie every night.

Urgh that takes me back. Mine are both at primary school now and life is still not always easy but so much better than it was then!
No pushchair, no nappies, no timing things round naps, food mostly goes in their mouths.
I found 1ish the hardest, especially with the first. Second was easier at that age despite having to juggle the two of them as he could just run round after his brother so was entertained. I got through it by seeing other adults at baby groups and meeting up with friends with toddlers.
It will pass but it's ok not to love it :)

It’s obviously very sad for some posters who have had difficulties with their own parents, but the OP is only 16m in and is just frustrated with understandably frustrating things. Who likes cooking for someone to not even try it and throw it away? That’s a completely normal thing to feel frustrated about. Who honestly likes sleepless nights, clearing projectile vomit and poo? Not liking those things doesn’t make you a bad parent.

I love my job, I don’t love some parts of it, but I’m good at it and I trained for years to do it. Nobody would advise me to throw it all away because I didn’t 100% enjoy all of it.

It’s a really shit age OP. Old enough that they need entertained but not old enough to actually enjoy anything!

My DS is 2 and utterly delightful to be around now but everything you’ve written was 100% me a year ago.

Ignore the “it doesn’t get any better” crowd. It doesn’t become easy but it becomes much better. Actually being able to do more stuff with your kid makes it all so much less mind numbing. The throwing food all over the place gets better.

I know this might sound a bit twee but I got though it by just letting it all go, knowing that my house will be tidier in the future and my brain won’t be mush forever. So there’s food up the walls. Does it really matter? It’s just mess. It can be cleaned. You have to clean shitty nappies all the time. Ok but you do that for 3 years (roughly) then, it’s over for the rest of your kids life.

People will say, oh but you’ll have to deal with school drama in a few years. Yeah sure, but will they be out of the house for 6 hours a day 5 days a week? Can use a fork? Can go to the toilet? Sleep through the night? Can be left in a room while you have a pee and not die? Well great, sign me up for school drama any day!

Yes it ends! I only really started enjoying my first when she hit 18m, when the words came. I bloody loved it!

Won't tell you what happens when they turn 3 though.

OP some parents just enjoy different stages of parenting and find some really tough.

Why are your conversations just about sudocrem and baby things ??

Are you not seeing your friends, doing things in the day to see people and visiting places you enjoy ?

Your partner may be useless but he has to get used to parenting his child, what does that look like now?

Oh god I’ve had a day like this. A FB memory pre- kids came up and it hit me hard! You’re having a low; or maybe you don’t enjoy this stage, but it won’t be like this forever. I’ve got a 4yo and and 2yo and the challengers with both are different, the trick I’ve found is to lower my expectations. Make dinner for all of you and give them some, second time round DS2 ate what we were eating and then if he chucked it, I didn’t mind so much as I hadn’t gone to any extra effort. Yes, the cleaning is a fucking relentless bore though. I detest the high chair.

TV. I need a break from magnatiles and train track, so on goes Raa Raa. Even if we are playing I have my radio on so I have something I enjoy going on too.

You can love your kids but not love parenting sometimes. It takes everything and sometimes you don’t have much to give.

Do you get any respite? I need my sleep to be a decent person.

Yes it ends. I much preferred from 4 up.

Re the nappy changing. Changing mat on the floor while you're sat on the sofa. Put a foot on each shoulder to keep them on their back. It's easier then

I remember one day, I had both kids at home (2yrs and 3 months). My mum was visiting with her friends, we walked around the markets in town, they came back to my house. I made tea and cake for them and was playing with the kids on the rug. I was singing the Thomas the Tank Engine theme tune and one of my mum’s friends said oh you must love being with them so much. Me “I hate it. I can’t wait to go back to work”. She was a bit shocked.

Also went to a keeping in touch day not long after and everyone asked “oh how’s the baby?!”, I think I said something like “he’s a knob”. The first year was AWFUL (especially with baby no.2), the second year was better, and now (primary school aged), it’s good. I have friends, I exercise, I go out, I work. Kids still drive me up the wall sometimes but it’s like life with children, life as a family. It will get better and you will find yourself again.

Good advice. The amount of women who seem to hate motherhood yet have more than one is mind boggling.

Look, mate. Don't bother slaving over the meals. I have four kids, a combo of picky / not picky eaters. Just give him either what you eat, or simple stuff like sandwiches, fruit, fish fingers, scrambled eggs etc. None of mine have starved, honestly. Don't make a massive effort because it just sets you up to be frustrated when he won't eat it.

Firstly, I admire your ability to identify you are not enjoying parenting. That takes bravery and a lot of insight.

You have choices, by that I mean taking steps to prioritise having a positive relationship with your child. Are you able to return full time to work and bring in a nanny?

Enlist as much support as possible to take time for you. You having time to recharge will hopefully bring about less quantity more positive quality interactions with your child.

Try and get real life support I am sorry you are going through this. I was fortunate I had the odd bad day but work, friends and family kept me just north of sane. I hope things improve for you.

And OP, don't listen to bullshit sanctimonious posts like this one.

Why be so nasty?!