Hate being a mum!!!!

[Hadenoughhhh]

I hate it. Tonight I have cooked a meal from scratch for my 13 month old. Yes, I know, why did I bother, what did I expect etc.

He’s thrown it at me, on the floor, then does this thing where he manages to store it in his mouth, I think he’s eaten it, then he suddenly spits it all out. Gave him apple which he happily eats. Mess all over him and the sauce from the meal has stained his top as it’s seeped through the bib.

He shouts, it’s become genuinely exhausting changing his nappy, physically it hurts me to do it. In the car if he decides to cry I’ve got to manage driving with a screaming noise non stop unless there’s somewhere safe to pull over. Everything Is a fucking hassle.

I love him but hate being a mother. I can’t stand it. I used to be an intelligent, career driven, witty person who could hold conversations and had a personality. Now I just trudge on with work and hope for the best. Dp is utterly useless and we will separate soon. I don’t have PND I’m just sick of doing this non stop. It’s fucking boring and I think I’ve lost brain cells in the last year. The only conversation I have these days are about sudocrem. When will this end? Ever? Or is this it?

Further to my earlier post about giving the sole custody to the soon to be ex-partner. If only my maternal grandmother did this for my mother. My poor mother struggled her entire life with the feeling of not being loved and low self-esteem. It caused her so much grief. I won't go into further detail but it was a very sad ending. OP either needs counselling or just give away this child to someone who will love and treasure him always

You're not alone on thinking this and you won't always hate it. Relentless is the only way I ever describe parenting- I used to think doing a full time job was hard!!!

He will get through this phase and it WILL get easier physically. You will still be you and will still be witty and intelligent afterwards (I am 😉) and you will appreciate the little things because it has been tough! When my kids got in the car by themselves, I used to do a happy dance!!!

Just keep going! It will get better!

These just sounds like a really tough patch. Fussy babies are a pain in the arse, it's exhausting and infuriating and makes you feel like you can't do anything right and even though you know they're not capable of being grateful, it still stings.

It's overwhelmingly likely there will come a time that you enjoy it more - he will not be at this stage forever, and it won't take up so much of your mental space forever. It sounds a bit like all your time off is just you and him - can you make more time for friends and/or doing stuff you like? It might help a lot if you can get out of the house even one night a week to do a hobby. For me yoga, which I did when my youngest was about that age and oldest was 4, was a godsend - I just got to be present, with myself for a while. That might not be the thing for you, but unless work commitments prevent it, your possibly-soon-to-be-ex partner can damn well step up to the plate for a couple of hours a week.

@Hadenoughhhh I dislike it too.
I am currently sat in my car outside the supermarket as I needed peace after a shit day. My son is 5 and is going through a VERY testing time at the minute. I love him dearly but could have happily walked away today!

You are not alone ❤️

PM me if you ever want a chat x

Motherhood is drudgery, for sure.

Some children are definitely harder work than others too. Sounds like yours is not the easiest.

you say you’re at work; is your DS in childcare? I’d outsource the drudgery to others as much as possible.

Also, just feed baby food and don’t break your back with home cooked food, you have enough to do!

Can you think of a nice treat to give yourself (time, experience, purchase?) it sounds like you need a bit of TLC. Sorry to hear about the useless DP.

I’m not a parent (would love to be but can’t have them)
Do you find any joy, fun, contentment etc in parenting?
How did you think it would be?

OP I suggest you buy a few bibadoo bibs. I have 3 on rotation. They have saved my sanity; so easy to clean, save the food from going down the highchair gap and wash really well.

So firstly I wouldn't worry about writing these things on a public forum. It's anonymous, and I'm assuming your 13 month old can't read anyway.

I found the first couple of years really hard. It's boring for you, and it's frustrating for both of you that the child can't express their (often very unreasonable) feelings verbally. Plus you're probably knackered, esp if DP isn't much help.

For me part of the problem was that there's this myth perpetuated by certain groups that you're meant to enjoy being the mother of a baby/young toddler. Personally I really didn't enjoy being screamed at, puked on, covered in food, not sleeping properly, etc. etc. and at the time I thought this made me abnormal, which made me feel worse.

It DOES get better. Once mine could talk and entertain himself for a few minutes it felt much easier. Chin up!

Oh OP, this is a really hard age. They’re just so loud and messy and defiant! They cannot be controlled and we are a slave to them. It’s exhausting, boring, frustrating, irritating and tear-jerking a lot of the time.

I don’t know if it gets “easier” but it will be different as he gets older. Different stages of development bring different challenges and it was the first 3 years in particular that I found draining for a lot of reasons.

When mine started school that’s when I felt there was a definitely positive shift in my parenting experience.

Up until my youngest started school last year I felt like my only reason for existing was to be a mum - despite the fact I also worked in a responsible role in health Care. I always felt like a mum first, and then me as a person came second.

Like I said though, when he started school things improved as he started a new journey which meant I didn’t feel like he was completely enmeshed in me anymore.

Being a mum can be really really tough and most us will have hated it at some point.

The difficulties will never go, all you have to do is read the “pre-teen” and “teenagers” board to see what challenges those ages bring….

Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling so overwhelmed and fed-up at times, things will change at some point and until then just be kind to yourself…….and stop cooking your baby his meals from scratch and undress him before he eats 😂

I imagine having a crap partner is also making things 100 times worse x

I think weaning is one of THE worst bits...it will pass. Soon, when your baby can have silly chats and wants to play, and is more interactive (and eating!) you will enjoy it more, I'm sure.

And if you don't, sign your DC up to nursery, go back to work for however many days works for you, and make the days you have with them count.

This bit is really hard, physically and emotionally. They know how to push your buttons..but it will get easier and more fun, promise!

It really does get easier, and I thunk you learn to roll with the punches. My DC2 has been a really challenging older baby (8m+) and so far toddler (is 20m now). He cries, screams and throws tantrums most of the day. I put him to bed at 6 everyday so I had a decent evening. I have another DC but when my DC1 was little I just used to keep a bit extra of what we were eating every night vs cooking from scratch. That or I would would freeze extra portions. Nothing worse then slaving away for food to be refused. I tell myself that it's my job to offer good food and his to eat it. Try leaving him to it, my DC2 can eat better when I'm not fussing round. It's really hard and ok to feel frustrated.

Yup, I feel the same way.

Mine are now 3 & 6.

When people say: it does get easier... I have a 4&2 year old and I never felt like it got easier. It gets different but not easier. Sorry you're not enjoying it. I wish people had been honest with you what motherhood is actually like but then again, I never felt like you did so everyone is different.

It does no one any favours to pretend the way the OP writes (and feels?) about her baby is normal.

Most of us find picking peas off the floor and going to soft play and changing endless nappies tedious, monotonous etc. However, most of us don't think it's our babies fault or talk about them like we fucking hate them.

OP this is all a very normal stage of babyhood but they way you seem to feel isn't. I would get help, from your doctor, your health visitor, more childcare, leaving the baby with their dad etc. before the point of no return.

P.s. my third baby died which truly is worse than the worst day I had with my kids, ever.

You sound like you're holding yourself, and him, to very high standards. It's lovely you cooked him a meal from scratch, that's a sweet thing to do. But it sounds like you're expecting him to appreciate the effort you've gone to, like an adult. He's not going to, he's only just turned 1. Holding food in the mouth and spitting it out is normal for someone that's only just learning to eat. Try not to feel cross with him xx

You're also clearly woefully understimulated by the monotony of baby life and feeding mush to a beautiful but crushingly boring little human. I don't blame you, I would be too. You need to do more for yourself or you'll go mad. Or you will continue to pour your energies into cooking gourmet meals for an infant that doesn't care and that situation is not fair and will make you both upset. Can you change things so that your life incorporates something for your brain? Because I think you really need that

I'm very sorry but you are projecting and it isn't appropriate advice.
It is completely normal to not like certain aspects or stages of parenting, mothers are not robots.

Op YANBU it is a thankless role and unfortunately this stage is notoriously difficult, especially with the loud noises, screeching and mess they make
I'm someone that can not cope easily with that stuff either, but you learn to accept it.

It does get better but also each stage comes along with different challenges.

I know the feeling. I have a 10 year old and for some reason also a 10 month old! With my 10 year
old I agree with previous posters it starts to get better when you can reason with them and you get something back from them.

With the baby, I love him to pieces (tried for 5 years for him!) but god I do find these early months a weird
combination of dull and the hardest thing ever. I really really struggle with having 0 time to myself. I can’t even make a cup of tea or wash up without having to think about him first. Life is a cycle of not sleeping, feeding, entertaining, and not sleeping again. I went back into full time work when DS1 was 8 months but I had to resign as childcare is too expensive and we have no family help. I try to read, listen to podcasts etc so that my life isn’t just babies and nappies and cooking tea but I barely have time to do that and when I do have time I just want to sit on the couch with CBeebies on mute and stare into space.

That was a long way of saying the way you feel is fairly normal (I hope!) some days are worse than others and it does get better.

Different people enjoy different stages more. I found like..9 months to 2 years was just blah! Some people absolutely adore that age. My kids are all over 3 now and I love it. The eldest is 11. Everyone can talk to me, feed themselves, sleep properly, etc. Although I do sometimes dread the teen years! You're not broken because you're not enjoying this. Just keep on keeping on.

@Tiredbehyondbelief also just realised with both have tired themed usernames, I made this when DS1 was a baby and nothing has changed clearly

I'm so sorry, OP. I hated so much of it, big hugs

I'm so sorry about your mother but I don't think this is a comparable situation. Not loving/wanting your child and struggling with the drudgery of parenting a 1yo are two completely different things.

They can be pains in the ass. Biggest tip is stop trying to do it all. Do what you can.
IKEA high chair that you can pop legs and tray off and stick in all in the dishwasher, take top rack out of your dishwasher.
Playing with toddlers is mind numbing. And they end up with far more plastic shite than they need cause people buy so much for them.
Use the bath, kids love water play and will stay there for hours. Throw in some glow sticks or any toys they already have.
You aren't abnormal for feeling like this. It does get easier, they can communicate better, their personality starts to emerge, you can go to soft play and just let them off.

Not everyone is cut out for motherhood. In my experience, it doesn’t get better. You just have get on with it best you can & acknowledge you made a mistake. Just don’t have any more!

It’s a really tough age, my husband and I didn’t enjoy that stage either. We both went back to work full time when they were 11m and it was tough as you’re tired and you don’t want to be cooking lots of different meals for them to throw it out!! Luckily nursery give them 3 meals and 2 snacks, so we just did apple and cheese, or cucumber, hummus and toast, etc. Weekends were porridge or eggs, one of those Ella’s kitchen pouches for lunch as we would go out somewhere, then pasta or similar for dinner.

The saving grace was ours was a great sleeper. Wouldn’t nap, but would sleep 19.30-07.30 every night so we would get some time in the evening to have dinner, watch tv, play a game, have a glass of wine etc. I have friends who’s children still don’t sleep through the night and I think I would have given up by now!!

It does get easier from 2yrs. It seems a long way off, but you’ll get there!!