To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

Your kid is old enough to get her own plate. DH babys her and for her own good this has to stop.

Does dd have any other issues? Does she know she's hungry? Is she running to DH trying to tell him about it when he gets home?

I would be less concerned with who's right or wrong and more with why her eating is disordered like this.

That's kind of what I tried to allude to but couldn't think of how to phrase it

She'll tell me she's hungry and I'll tell her to eat something then, but she won't do it. She'll tell my husband she's hungry and he'll ask what she wants and make it for her. She eats everything he puts in front of her, but just won't eat unless that's done.

She's just lazy around food, I love food but admit I would not cook elaborate meals if I lived on my own couldn't be bothered.
But she should be able to dish something up that is already cooked, just keep an eye on her. X

If she was older I’d say she was being controlling. Maybe just a bit spoilt/precious in this particular area because of your husband coddling her?

If she says she's hungry, I'd make her get up, come downstairs/into the kitchen with me and physically plate her food herself, rather than just putting it on a plate and taking it to her. Hopefully if there's no more worrying issues around food, she's just being lazy and needs to get used to doing things herself.

Are you eating some meals together as a family or does she tend to eat alone for most of her meals?

Do you not family meal times when you sit down together around the same time at the table and eat?

You ate a pizza and didn't give your daughter any?? Wow.

Did you read the OP? She offered her some pizza, the daughter refused to plate it up herself and walked off. Not at all what you said of "not giving her any"

If my Mum offered me food and refused to put it on a plate I would wonder if she was losing her marbles (and I'm an adult perfectly capable of getting my own plate).

This OP seems to have said the daughter couldn't have any dinner unless she got her own plate. This is crazy, bonkers, bizarre behaviour and I'm not surprised the daughter was confused and ran away.

She's 10. Stick a slice on a plate with a piece of fruit.

I say that as someone whose 12 yo can cook whole, fancy meals.

Yes. That.

10 is entirely old enough to have a bad relationship with food.

And this seems such an odd hill to die on. Do you have your own poor relationship with food / family affection? Are you jealous of your DH’s relationship with your DD?

Why is the husband being berated for serving his 10yo food on a plate?

This is a weird thread.

Why would you make a pizza, get a plate out for yourself to put pizza on, but not put a slice on a plate for another person in the house, regardless of their age.

It's almost like you were testing her.

Bizarre

can I ask when she says she is hungry is this between meals ? If so I think it is appropriate to say grab a piece of fruit / a yoghurt / glass of milk / a biscuit.

if it is a meal time and your response to a 10 year old is that she should make herself something to eat I think YABU.

from the information provided I’m not sure the child is the lazy one around food!

Plating up is part of preparing a meal imo. I would be cross if dp made a pizza then served himself and told me and ds to get our own plates.

How is she with other chores? I don’t think ‘grab a plate and help yourself to some pizza’ is unreasonable, and nor should it be if she’s capable of doing that.

Given you don’t cook, ordered take out when DH wasn’t home to cook, and then only served yourself, laziness seems to run in the family.

We eat meals as a family. She has two brothers who had no issue getting plates and putting pizza on their plates.

I didn't order take out.

My dd has a eating condition called Afrid. It's basically psychological issues or sensory issues around food. So my dd can only eat food out of a bowl not a plate . There are some foods she can eat but can't make. Some foods she can't eat due to texture or how it looks. very rigid on how long jars have been open or how fresh bread is. Some Foods can't touch. When my dd was younger she couldn't prepare or plate her food at all and literally wouldn't eat if she had to. I'm explaining this just to give the opinion that there might be more to it than needing to be pandered to.

Has she ever got her own plate? Did she need it breaking down - so maybe she hands you the plate and you put the pizza on. If she couldn't do it to the point she would rather miss a meal then I'd be looking at why and trying to support her .

Try not to focus on the - but she should be able to or -?she should do as she's told. It's more important that she eats and alongside that you can work on any issues. Like cooking/baking together to get her more comfortable with the process.

My 15 yo dd would rather not eat than feed herself. It is important for a child to eat, especially so with your dd as she is at an age, where girls grow a lot. A 10 year old is still very young, not even left primary school. If you want to include your dd in doing stuff related to the kitchen, ask her to lay the table or something.

She's actually much better at picking up toys than her brothers, but she doesn't have formal chores. She keeps her room fairly tidy even though she has more things than her brothers.

And your dd will have skills that your ds’s don’t have. 10 is far from a finished person.

Cross post. This is what I was meaning.