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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

486 replies

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 04:05

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

OP posts:
Peacheroo · 17/11/2023 08:07

This thread is giving stepford vibes. OP knows it there are sensory issues etc or if it's laziness or stubbornness.

OP is a parent and not a servant. If she doesn't teach her kid to be a well balanced person, it's a problem.

margotrose · 17/11/2023 08:10

Peacheroo · 17/11/2023 08:07

This thread is giving stepford vibes. OP knows it there are sensory issues etc or if it's laziness or stubbornness.

OP is a parent and not a servant. If she doesn't teach her kid to be a well balanced person, it's a problem.

She clearly doesn't know, though, that's why she's asking!

It's not being "stepford" to provide your child with a meal on a plate either - I would have thought it was totally normal!

EveWinter · 17/11/2023 08:14

Peacheroo · 17/11/2023 08:07

This thread is giving stepford vibes. OP knows it there are sensory issues etc or if it's laziness or stubbornness.

OP is a parent and not a servant. If she doesn't teach her kid to be a well balanced person, it's a problem.

Tosh, never mind any issues/the parenting argument, what about basic goodwill and kindness towards anyone you share a home with (and in this case a bit of encouragement towards a child).

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 17/11/2023 08:14

SgtJuneAckland · 17/11/2023 07:53

Even in a house of adults I would think it odd to leave a pizza in the kitchen and not even get plates out for those eating, either yourself or ask someone else to. 'I'm just getting dinner out of the oven James can you grab some plates for everyone please....'
Each person getting their own seems strange. Just put the pizza and plates on the dining table so people can sit if you want them to serve themselves.

The pizza and pile of plates were out next to each other, the 2 brothers (including the 6 yo) had to put their own pizza on a plate but dad didn't seem to be bothered about this.

Viviennemary · 17/11/2023 08:16

Sounds like attention seeking and wanting things done for her. I don't see this incident by itself as a big problem. But you made it one by refusing to get the plate which ended up in her not eating anything. Not really a good outcome for anybody.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/11/2023 08:16

Another thing... People do realise that in a lot of homes the kitchen and dining room are actually the same room? Sometimes even the living room?

MumblesParty · 17/11/2023 08:18

RedCoffeeCup · 17/11/2023 08:06

I don't park myself in the living room - we all eat around the table together every night. It's just that the dishes are placed in the centre of the table and everyone helps themselves.

Show quote history

That doesn’t sound like what OP did. My impression is that OP was in another room and the plates were in the cupboard. Having a pile of plates on the table is very different, and far more acceptable. Although I still think I’d put the plates at the individual settings to create more room on the table for the food.

RedCoffeeCup · 17/11/2023 08:19

I don't think the OP was in another room?

SgtJuneAckland · 17/11/2023 08:30

@MyHornCanPierceTheSky

The below from the OP suggests the plates were in a cupboard, 'sons and I took plates out '

The pizza was in the kitchen next to the oven. The slices were cut. My sons and I took plates out and put pizza on our plates

00100001 · 17/11/2023 08:33

EveWinter · 17/11/2023 06:05

I find this slightly odd. In my house it would have been ‘come and sit down and have some pizza with me’, I would have got up, got a plate and a glass and served food and a drink. Not just for a ten year old but for almost anyone here.

Not because I am a martyr either.

The food was served to all... There were plates, next to cooked and sliced pizza, 3/4 people managed perfectly well to pick up a plate and put their desired amount of pizza on it and take it to the table and sit down.

It's not like OP cooked, played up for her and neglected to cook for anyone else or anything.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 17/11/2023 08:34

What a lazy arse you are. She’s 9 get her food
and get her fed.

Jibo · 17/11/2023 08:34

Even for pizza I would lay the table for everyone (or ask the DC to) with plates, glasses, water, napkins, etc. Then I'd put the cut pizza plus any side dishes in the middle and we'd all sit down together and serve ourselves. Don't you do this?

RosesAndHellebores · 17/11/2023 08:38

She's 10. Whatever happened to setting the table, putting the plates on it, all sitting down and helping yourselves to the food in the middle. And with pizza I'd expect there to be a salad too. Also a jug of water and some glasses.

Poor child. It sounds as thought nobody bothers much with her and it's shocking if there aren't proper family meal times. "Here you are kid, there's pizza, get a plate and go off and eat it."

MummyMumMumMummy · 17/11/2023 08:42

She’s 10, prime age for an eating disorder to develop. Just plate her up.

Yes, she might be being lazy. But unless there is a legitimate reason why you’re too busy to plate her some food up then why not? Don’t we as parent strive to ensure our children are well fed, happy and healthy?

This sounds more like you’re trying to prove a point to DH and neglecting to feed DD in the process.

Gnomegnomegnome · 17/11/2023 08:44

Surely part of making dinner for anyone is putting the food on the plate? I don’t understand why you’ve made such a big deal out of it!

Do you do this with all food? All dinners? It’s bizarre.

PirateQueeny · 17/11/2023 08:46

How odd. I still plate up for everyone if I’m doing dinner. It would be really weird to just serve myself and leave everyone else to get theirs.

Gnomegnomegnome · 17/11/2023 08:46

I put my husband’s dinner on a plate. He’s not lazy and he’s certainly capable but it’s part of cooking. It would be incredibly rude of me to just say there’s the dinner, sort yourself out.

Even the dog gets food put in his bowl Grin

SeulementUneFois · 17/11/2023 08:47

HoppingPavlova · 17/11/2023 06:45

As a parent, I would take the lead and do all I could to prepare and serve a meal with love and good will, making it tempting in terms of the ingredients, cooking, presentation and good loving company around a properly laid table

Do rainbows fly out your arse while doing this? My idea of ‘serving’ pizza was every man for himself with the proviso that if you were too lazy to get a plate or not quick enough and were one of the last ones to grab some then you had to eat using a box as the plate - to save on washing up, as dishwasher already goes on full 2 times a day minimum, so stuff extra plates. Cutlery for pizza would involve a firing squad. None of mine ever went off hungry in a huff refusing the pizza, nor linked my lack of all that kerfuffle ‘serving’ pizza as some lack of love for them 🤣.

Lol @HoppingPavlova 😂

And absolutely agree with you!

diddl · 17/11/2023 08:51

If people were putting pizza on plates in the kitchen-where were they then taking it to?

Perhaps she didn't want to be walking around with food on a plate?

If food & plates are on a table does she help herself then?

Tbh I can't remember what age I stopped serving the kids.

We are all adults now but it's not unusual for one person to initially serve everyone.

Longma · 17/11/2023 08:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

AllWeWantToDo · 17/11/2023 08:56

Seems like she's not really interested in food, she's 10 though, it's your job as a parent to make sure she eats.

I find it utterly bizarre that you didn't just had her a plate with pizza on it when you know what she's like

Putting food in front of her at this age doesn't mean she'll never learn to cook or do things for herself when she's a bit older

Theprincessisblanketed · 17/11/2023 08:56

Night409 · 17/11/2023 07:42

For those saying that they don’t plate up meals - that’s fine if your kids will plate up their own meals.

OP has said that DD will not eat if it’s not plated and would rather go hungry.

In this situation it doesn’t matter whether it’s normal to plate up food or not, DD needs hers plating so she doesn’t go hungry.

No, she needs help in learning to get out a plate and put some food on it herself (something many of us taught our kids at about 3). Break it down into stages if need be.

You'll do her no favours by going along with the idea that she 'cant' do this, and I say that as someone with personal experience of sensory issues.

CurlewKate · 17/11/2023 08:57

Don't you have meals? Or am I missing something?

Talipesmum · 17/11/2023 08:57

I’d definitely expect my kids to be able to put pizza on a plate and come and sit down, if it was that kind of meal. It’s an informal meal and a perfectly reasonable way of having it dished out.
What seems odd to me is that, if my child just decided not to have any and head off upstairs, I’d try and sort out whatever caused that right away. Of course it depends why, but it wouldn’t be acceptable for my 10 year old to just decide they weren’t eating. I’d be summoning them down, asking if they were poorly, telling them not to be so silly and to get their own plate out - not just ignoring them and letting them head off with no dinner.
There’s too high a risk of it being the start of an eating disorder, or a different, stubborn reason that would need addressing. You can’t just ignore it if your child doesn’t eat any dinner, if it’s something they like and they’re not poorly. It sounds like you’re going a “softly softly” approach by not mentioning it, but I’m not sure that’s appropriate? Maybe if you knew full well she had an eating disorder and this is how you and doctors had agreed to manage it. Otherwise - needs addressing asap.

Can you get her to plate food up for others? Getting food ready and on the table can be a communal thing, ask one child to get the cutlery, another to bring the glasses etc. That way everyone is helping each other. It’s not about someone being served by the main person.

LifeInTermsOfMusic · 17/11/2023 08:58

There’s clearly more to this. Whether there’s some additional needs, anxiety or she’s just used to having things done for her, the time to make your point isn’t when you want your child to eat.

I’d have put it on a plate for her and then had a chat another time when everyone was feeling relaxed and not around a meal time.